to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

I am a but puzzled by those who insist a 2 year old has to be on reins or holding hands all the time... We don't know what environment the OP was in but it seems likely it was not by a busy road as generally speaking strangers stop to interact in more relaxed surroundings like parks.

In my experience and I know kids are not all the same, If you are giving a child your full attention they don't usually just leg off. I have just gone back to check to see if my memory deceives me but have photos of my 2 year old chasing bubbles, jumping in leaves, stopping to examine plants, moving from the swing to the roundabout in the play area, in a field, playing in snow etc. etc and he is freely exploring in a safe environment without any obvious restraint. If you are stolling along together away from danger, talking about what you can see and he is keeping close, what is the problem?

absolute poison?

I don't see that, posters have expressed their opinion that OP was rude and a little precious to complain about a gentle hair ruffle by a stranger.

Agree she should have been holding hand.
No time to go back through whole thread but a quick scan will highlight plenty.

I used to love old women cooing over my children

Notice the OP has legged it which leads to the following conclusions >

OP did this to wind up MN. OP knew it would work and we didn't let her down.

OP has posted a reverse and then found out just exactly what sort of lingering death in a vat of boiling piss we wish upon 'reversers'. Then legged it.

Members of the Jury - how do you find?

There's nothing in the OP to suggest the encounter did not take place on the street. Actually, it seems likely that it did from the information that was given, because why else would she feel the need to mention she wasn't holding the child's hand but it was okay because he was in grabbing range? That sounds like they were in a place where there was a reasonable expectation of the need to take hold of the child at some point. To me that rules out a park and make it more likely they were walking along a street.

Maybe it is just me, but I have far more interaction with people I meet in the street and on buses etc (i.e. the kind of places where you do need to hold onto a child) than in parks.

Agree with Annie completely.

Also agree with purple pixie. What's all this rubbish about hand holding? Not all toddlers bolt for the hills at any opportunity.

Purple while I agree that in a safe environment a child should be free to wander in my own experience a toddler (which is a bit of a random being at the best of times) can suddenly take off in the opposite direction without a second thought. Round here the majority of walking small children wear reins or backpacks until school age, the handles are just tucked into the back in the park or playground - it's not the norm to see an unrestrained toddler walking down the road. I personally would rather have the option to hold her hand and have a strap attached to her than her running out under a car.
However I did for some reason assume that the OP was on the pavement by a road. Might be wrong, might not be.

Not a reverse, I ran an AS.

Why did the child shrink away? Did she or he (sorry can't remember which) think that the woman was going to hurt them? That's worrying as well.

I feel so sorry for the woman. She will obviously never do it again for fear of another humiliation

DS has the curly hair that attracts rufflers it doesn't bother me I've always smiled, DS who's 3 on the other hand he will either smile or give them a menacing look, depending on his mood. He doesn't understand fuss but people always comment on his hair.

I was a baby toucher until about 6 months ago

I was in a queue in the supermarket and a gorgeous little girl was in the seat of the trolley in fromt of me. We ended up playing peek a boo, and when the queue moved forward I mini waved bye bye and held her little hand for a second when she reached toward me. Cue GM (I assume), screeching 'what the fuck do you think you are doing? Get your hands off her NOW'

I was mortified. Dozens of people turned to look. I pushed my trolley off up one of the aisles, abandoned it and went home.

Now, I will just say hello. I won't play, smile or interact with a strangers child again.

I actually felt strongly enough about this to register so I could comment...
I've always had very firm boundaries around my personal space and this was also true as a small child. I'm very tactile with friends etc but there has to have been an implicit "invitation" on both sides to enter that space. The social cues which signal it's ok for us to touch each other are so subtle and I totally agree with op that children have right not to be touched by strangers - how will they learn these cues and where there own boundaries are if they're basically taught that their bodies are public property?
of course that doesn't apply when preventing a child from hurting themselves! I find the suggestion that a child shrinking away from a stranger's touch should be a red flag pretty weird though. Is shyness in children not an acceptable thing now?
the op's reaction was maybe a bit snappy but i can imagine myself in that situation feeling pretty put out and possibly snapping too. The dreaded bump-rubs never happened when i was pregnant, now have a 9 week old who is certainly not available to be fondled by strangers. I must be giving off the right level of fuck off vibes so far though...

Toooldtobearsed- that is so bloody sad .

I can't believe how normal human interaction in this country is so well not normal. Where I'm from I'd be offended if someone talked to me but didn't touch my child's hand or hair or say something nice, it's just so ingrained into my culture that children are cooed over.

I think you're lucky she just 'sniffed' you really deserved to be pulled up on your rudeness!

My advice OP? Unclench.

I have been on Mumsnet for nearly a decade and that is truly the weirdest OP I have ever seen.

Too old that is horrible. Please don't let one nasty person put you off. When my babies were er babies I loved them being fussed over by strangers. I remember ds playing peekaboo with an elderly lady at the end of the aisle behind a stock cage for a good 3-4 minutes. :o she then gave him 50p which we put in his money box when we got home.

YABU and bonkers.

HTH

worra
op if this is not a reverse YABU and I feel quite sad reading this

FFS YABVU

You are being ridiculous

Agree with other posters TooOld that's very sad. Am sure other shoppers were mortified at way she spoke to you.

As usual i completely agree with Worra at 09.19.09