to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

I think you were very rude OP. Does the 'no toddler touching' apply to toddlers touching random adults too? I was on a flight on Wednesday and the little boy next to me was fascinated by my long hair. He spent most of the flight having wee sneaky touches when his mummy wasn't looking . I had a great hour and a half colouring in and playing games with a completely random child. I do think mummy was a wee bit glad though as she also had a baby on her knees to contend with.

Jack Charlton ruffled DD's hair once. She was 2 then, and given to going up to people and grinning. Elastic reins are the thing, so children can socialise safely.

As for adult contact, one of the (female) security staff at work was kind enough to wipe off a bit of missed shaving foam once. All part of being human, IMO.

I absolutely disagree, MrsDeVere. My daughters, by dint of their gender, face a whole lifetime of being made to believe that their bodies are public property, to be looked at, touched, judged, commented upon, groped and worse. IMO the earlier I teach them that they don't have to accept that, the better.

Yes, children need to be loved, touched and cuddled. By people they know and are comfortable with. Parents, extended family, teachers, nursery staff, family friends etc etc. There is not need for children to tolerate unwelcome touch from strangers.

You're not his mother, OP. Maybe ask her how she feels about this?

I think you're being very silly and perhaps wanting to exert your 'authority'. Keep your grandchildren close to you and then people won't go anywhere near them. Don't complain when nobody takes any interest though, will you?

I never touch people I don't know, I wouldn't want to but I don't extend that to my children and I'd never be rude to somebody admiring/ruffling them. You were very rude and your thread title is needlessly pompous.

Of course some children don't like it.
You could anticipate and prevent it quickly by saying 'Sorry, he really don't like being touched' and smile and that's fine.

But don't go all precious on people.
DS was ridiculously pretty when he was a toddler, we had the world and their cousin coming to ruffle his hair, or pinch his fat cheeks and what not.
He survived.

Disclaimer - not a stealth boast, I have no idea where he got his looks from. Definitely not from me.

YANBU, I had to tell a man in the supermarket not to touch my dds face once when she was a newborn. No idea who he was and his hands looked filthy.
I don't feel comfortable with strangers coming up and touching my children. I don't like being touched by strangers myself (who does??), and I prefer people I don't know to refrain from touching my kids unnecessarily. Family and friends do, but then they've built up a bond of trust and my children are happy with cuddles etc from people we know.
Precious....maybe, but I hated being forced to put up with adults touching me as a kid, all because they wanted to, and I had no say in the matter. My children will at least have the choice to say no...politely if they feel uncomfortable.
OP, you prob could have handled it better, but I understand in the moment it can be hard to find the right words.

I'm laughing at the though of Worra, hoicking her dad up onto her back and galloping around the park with him...

I think FiftyShades is right, the fact that you're asking if you were BU means that you have a sneaky feeling that you were.

Wow! What an odd OP. if you were talking about dogs, i'd agree but toddlers dont bite anywhere near as hard as dogs so YABU

evalyn

'Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands.'

Trust me, if you were my DC's DGM I would be WAY more concerned that you weren't holding toddler's hand than I would be at anything else you've written. Have you any clue of just how quickly - literally, blink of an eye stuff - toddlers can scarper? My DS's scout group had a paraplygic child who attended replete with his wheelchair/oxygen tank/feeding tube/FT carer as well as his Mum. Mum told me how she popped him on the pavement to lean into the car door to get bags out and in that - shortest imaginable - time he legged it, ran behind back of car and straight into traffic.

I don't just think YU, I think you need to look at your own safety issues as a matter of urgency (do DC's DPs know you don't always have DGC on reins or hold hands???)

'Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.'

TBH, this just makes you sound like a bitch of the highest order. You are clearly lucky enough to be a GM and blessed with 'gorgeous' DGC; for all you know this woman may not be as blessed as you and yet you treated her like a piece of 'less-than' shit appallingly; were outright rude to her when all she was doing was being nice? And pretty normal TBH - I had loads of people who did the same to my DC and I would try and make the time to chat to them for a few minutes (like the poster above), realising they may have no other human contact.

'AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers?'

FFS, children NEED human interaction Not least as NORMAL human interaction helps them not just with their developing social skills, but also how to distinguish between normal touching and 'bad' touching (or do you want your DGC to NOT know that difference and be vulnerable simply due to your - frankly odd - preciousness?)

'And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?' Not 'his/her' hair (IE vis how DC feels) but 'MY' DGC's hair... this sounds like the crux of it TBH - your 'ownership' and OTT preciousness.

I think you are VVVU and it is a desperately sad world we live in if all acted as you did.

Would genuinely like to know what DGC's PARENTS view is (others have asked but you haven't answered...); likewise what they think about you not having safety first (in a very real way, not a nice person making sweet comment and ruffling hair way) when you are responsible for THEIR DC???

Bloody hell, the OP to thread has really depressed me and also the preciousness and selfishness of it has really wound me up - can you tell???!

Two hours later and no sign of the OP - Gee, what a surprise.

Wind the bobbin up
Wind the bobbin up
wind wind wind

Some people go out, it's the weekend, some like to start threads and hopefully have some replies to come back to.

Or maybe it is a wind-up. It is on the 'incendiary list', isn't it, "Touching MY kids"...

I don't think a two hour gap in response is indicative. She might be reading and seeing that most do not agree with her and think it better not to post in the face of such opposition?

Sometimes it makes for a better and more interesting discussion if the OP doesn't come back

Bet it's a reverse. We'll get eight pages in and the OP will surface and go 'yes, it's a reverse, I am the hair ruffle-r. Just wanted to get some opinions blah blah bah that I wouldn't have been able to get if I just told it from my point of view for no fucking reason at all'

Perhaps the OP has taken pity on my Dad and is running round the park with him on her back, while he shouts 'Giddy-up'?

Does it matter if it's a reverse though? If she's the hair ruffle she's NOT BU, if she's the stranger-stomping granny then she IS BU.

I'm just quite relieved that most people don't think the OP's premise is the right one.

YY to what MrsDeVere said. In both her posts. BOTH of which combined used less words than mine and yet managed to say so much more

FWIW, I agree I don't think it's a reverse either - OP's posting history & angle of posts confirms preciousness and slightly mad OTT'ness both similarity to this skewy angle; ditto is indeed a DGM.

A DGM who, in this instance, does not ensure her DGC is safe - truly and again, WTAF? Am still just gobsmaked at entirety of this and at the slightly skewed priorities dear granny has vis DGC's well-being/safety

I was,going to comment on this but everything I was going to say has,already been said far more eloquently by Mrs DeVere.

Yabvvu if course, what a sad sad works we live in. People will be scared to even look at a child!

I'm saddened by how many people confuse the right not to be molested with normal human interaction, which was splendidly summarised by Mrs DeVere. And the idea of a toddler having bodily autonomy is beyond silly.

Can everyone on the grumpy bench please budge up and make space for me? I'll bring my absurdly cute dog and promise not to be offended when you want to clap him.

Agree absolutely with what Annie said up thread. YANBU OP and I'm not surprised you haven't been back due to the outpouring of absolute poison on this thread.

stands back to be flamed and cares less

Absolute poison?
Where?

People saying they found OP rude and that she should have been holding her DGs hand is
1.) a matter of opinion
2.) basic common sense

It's definitely not poison.

And this isn't a flame: it's disagreeing with you.