to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

Excellent post, MrsDeVere.

Beautifully put MrsD.

Having said that, it remember adults pinching my cheeks as a child and I hated it. Because if that I wouldn't let adults do that to my dcs.
Hair ruffling wouldn't bother me. And kissing neither but again there is a strong cultural side there.

Blimey, OP, YABU, sorry. I definitely would not have reacted in that way and I'm not remotely touchy-feely. I once got distracted momentarily on a busy bus when DS was a toddler and in his buggy. Moments later I was a bit surprised to find he was holding hands with a nun. Both had beaming smiles so I left them to it. You may have had a fit in such circumstances . Life is too short, really. If your child is with you, supervised and safe, then you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and realise you're doing far more harm by mistrusting their motives and telling them off.

Keep your child in a cage.

Moments later I was a bit surprised to find he was holding hands with a nun. Both had beaming smiles so I left them to it.

That's both cute and funny! I suppose nuns don't often have much interaction with small kids so I can understand it.

Mrs D V - thank you for the context.
You explain so clearly what is really important. All this unpleasant criticism of other people and seeing the oppressive and hateful in what are normal human reactions is the problem. We are so in danger of foisting adult anxieties and phobias on young children who should be allowed to experience the world as a positive and friendly place.

Mrs DV What a beautiful thing to share with us.

Hear hear WizardofToss - there actually isn't really anything that can be added to what MrsdeVere wrote.

I'm with Evalyn. I think it's inappropriate to touch someone else's children if you're a stranger. The kid might be too young to express that they don't want to be touched so I think as their parent, you should do it for them. It must be a bit scary as a toddler to have someone you don't know just walk up and invade your space. I have no issue with people talking to the kids in your presence and oohing and aahing over babies is lovely, just don't touch!

I've had this problem recently with strangers touching my baby and I have no idea what to say to them without sounding rude. It really annoys me.

Having said that, I just smiled at the post about the nun. That sounded very sweet.

Dear crikey, bit of an overreaction. I have a 2 year old and think it lovely when he gets positive attention from others. Ruffled hair, stroked cheek etc. lovely! Thinking about it, I do the same to other kids too - only after striking up a conversation with the parent/carer but surely we should show kids that people, in general, are lovely and want to interact with them?

Lovely Mrs DV -

I note the OP has done a bunk

MrsDV puts it in perspective.
The bottom line is that you can't stop it anyway. You can say afterwards that you didn't like it,but unless you want to sound a loon by saying 'don't touch' to every stranger, on the off chance they might, there is no way around it!

I've had this problem recently with strangers touching my baby and I have no idea what to say to them without sounding rude.

In what way is it a problem?

When you work out that it actually isn't a problem, you will realise why it sounds rude. The problem is your annoyance, not their touching.

It is normal and natural for humans to touch each other. A hand on an arm, a tap on the shoulder and a handshake are all perfectly acceptable forms of touching for adults who have never met before.

My DDs have AS and don't particularly like people touching them. DD1 once went into full meltdown aged 12 because someone tapped her on the shoulder to ask her to step to the side at a supermarket checkout. However, they live in a society in which touching is appropriate and they have to learn to expect it and cope with it whenever possible. I'm not going to run round in front of them whenever we're in public, policing an exclusion zone. They can side-step and shrink away from unwelcome touches if they chose to do so. I'm only ever going to intervene if the touches are inappropriate.

If a child grows up thinking that nobody apart from close family should touch them in any way whatsoever, how will they cope with the kind of touching that is appropriate between unfamiliar adults (and affectionate touch from very familiar adults, come to think of it)? Let's face it, if having your hair ruffled is considered too traumatic, how will you ever cope with shaking hands?

Perspective well and truly put.

Thank you Mrs D

MrsDV

As always, such a loving and thoughtful post, well written. You so kindly share stuff that is so personal and so touching, I hope it makes some people think twice before kicking up a fuss about stuff that really, really doesn't matter and doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

xx

YABVU and rude.

I love it when people admire my toddler, and it is part of normal human interaction. It seems that you are transposing your views on to your GC and teaching him that physical contact - however inoffensive and kindly meant - is somehow dirty and offensive .

So sad that you could not accept the gesture in the spirit it was meant, and allowed her a moment of simple pleasure in a young child.

Wow. You sound very uptight and U with it.
This is something I absolutely loved during our recent trip to Istanbul.

People were just so loving and tactile with my two little girls, hugs and kisses, hair ruffles, so many lovely compliments - my two girls adored it and so did we

I can't follow Mrs DV's post, but, I helped a toddler onto a bus seat yesterday as mum was struggling to get her buggy and other children settled. Bus was lurching about and the little girl would have fallen over if I hadn't helped her up. Mum was grateful.

This afternoon DS was stopped by a lady walking in the other direction, as he was approaching a road on his scooter, I was a little way behind with dd. DS would actually have stopped by himself, he has good road sense, but the lady walking in the other direction wasn't to know that and I was touched that she tried to keep a young child safe.

Beautiful post Mrs dv

May your dd's memory be a blessing.

Luann, I've reported your post. I'm sure you've posted on the wrong thread by mistake, but it's totally inappropriate on this thread.