to ask people not to touch toddlers not related to them?

[evalyn]

Out yesterday with DGC. DGC walking, within grabbing distance, but not holding hands. Middle aged woman, 'Aah, gorgeous!', gently ruffles DGC's hair, smiles broadly at me. DGC shrinks away. I say to this woman, 'Yes, but you shouldn't touch, please.' Woman sniffs, nose in air, walks off in huff.

AIBU to think that even 2-year-olds have the right not to be touched at all, however affectionately, by strangers? And to be really annoyed that this woman thinks she has the right to ruffle my DGC's hair like that?

BlueTeas That is sad. I feel for your FIL.

So sad Blueteas and so unnecessary. It was Spain where my toddler had his hair touched the most and he was picked up!

The whole point is the mother might not like it, but she has no control.
Yes, she can say 'don't touch', she can remove- but it is all a bit late because the person has already touched! It takes some parents a while to understand they can't control the child's entire environment -unless they stay at home.

Blueteas... that is just horrendous. There's no excuse at all.

I feel so strongly about anybody who behave like this that if I ever witnessed something like that, I would stick up for the person being abused by these rude inadequate women (and it always is, isn't it?).

This is one of these only-in-the-strange-parallel-universe-of-MN threads .

FGS OP - relax. YABU, both for being so OTT and imposing your will on your DC, who was probably completely nonplussed by the hair ruffle until his mother took umbrage at a completely normal, friendly interaction between him and a stranger.

I hope the hair ruffler is on mn and feels reassured a bit by this thread.

YWBVU

not nonplussed - DCs yacking as I'm trying to type. Unperturbed.

DD used to hate being touched. She cried sometimes if it happened too often. I never told anyone off for touching her, but I did wish they'd leave her alone.

But this child didn't cry, did it? And the OP didn't say anything about her child not liking being touched.

Three cheers for Mrs DeVere and Toold and everyone who is rightly worried about this horrible world we're creating where every adult is seen as a threat to every child.
They're not.
It's a nasty paranoia which is creating an unhealthy society where normal friendly actions are viewed as sinister and good people are frightened of showing care and friendliness to others - which is the glue that sticks us all together.
(Hopes there's room on that bench as I'm hoping that those who 'get this' are in the majority).

TooOld and Blueteas Your stories made me sad.

My LO is a right old grump with strangers and tends to give them a right old up and down whilst wearing a very serious expression! I love it when someone looks past it and gives him a fuss anyway as he usually warms to them much quicker and I think it's a nice way for him to learn more about socialization and interacting. *TooOld you are welcome for a cuddle anytime)

A lady saw him in his wrap today and practically dropped her shopping in a bid to run towards him and squoosh his decidedly chubby cheeks. I would never dream of being rude to her as her intentions were clearly nice, even if DS had shyed away.

I will obviously teach DS about boundaries and personal space when he is older but for now I think allowing the occasional (and let's face it, even if your baby is glowingly beautiful it can't happen too often) affectionate touch from a stranger is probably better for society than a strict 'stay out of my bubble' rule.

And sadly the child will pick it up from the mother. If she is fearful and unfriendly they are likely to be the same!
Be outgoing,and talk to anyone, and the child will most likely take it all in their stride.

Exactly fluffy particularly don't go to Greece. Waiters, strangers, whoever will ruffle hair, pat heads left right and centre.

The OP is not even the child's mother, she's his grandmother. I would be very angry if my mum had done this and came home boasting to me about putting another woman in her place about my child. I don't want the type of world that MrsDeVere is talking about and it IS getting that way.

These parents in their antiseptic bubble probably moan about UK not being child friendly when they actually mean 'child friendly under my rules and my control' - it doesn't work like that- in so called child friendly countries they are friendly and it would never occur to them that they could only be friendly with the express permission of the mother.

My grandma loves to stroke the cheek or hand of a small child. She's 90 and it makes her v tearful with joy to feel their new, soft skin. It's such a simple, human thing.

I shan't be stopping her I'm afraid.

I don't think you were rude at all - it was fine for her to be friendly and comment, would have been fine for you to comment back, say thank you or whatever.

But she stepped over the line when she ruffled hair - and I think that you were actually very polite in dealing with her. She was a complete stranger - if it had been somebody the OP knew then it would have been different and could have been normal human interaction. But it's incredibly presumptive of the woman to assume she could ruffle hair without asking.

I like to think that if that was me and I was out with my dc and this happened, I would reach over and pat the woman on the head, ruffle her hair and say, yes, she is very cute isn't she - and see how she likes it when it happens to her! Not sure I would be quick enough off the mark to think of this at the time though...

if the OP had had a dog with her rather than her gc, I wonder if more people would have thought it OK if the woman stroked the dog without asking or not...

I want my children to go under 'it takes a village.......' way, not as my possession!

Little I took dd to Greece when she was 2, just the two of us. She was actually whisked away in a restaurant to be fed ice cream entertained while I ate my food! I was a bit but everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Mehitabel YES!

People do stroke dogs without asking! If they are sensible they approach the dog carefully to see if they want to be stroked.
People are presumptive- you can't stop them! They will just think you slightly bonkers if you ruffle their hair. A good story of odd mothers to tell people I expect.

My son was taken off into the kitchen in Spain to meet all the staff- he was quite happy. People seem to be putting an adult's idea of personal space onto a toddler.

meh

That's a really good point re child friendly

If a toddler doesn't like it they will make it clear, they have not learned to worry about other people's feelings at that age and do not feel the need to be polite.

People want child friendly as in 'look, smile, adore my child but on no account touch, speak or interact in any way,unless you have express permission of the parent' - most people prefer not to bother!