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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to buy my DD christmas presents?

148 replies

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 19/11/2014 19:06

Curious, based on a thread about how much people spend per child.

DD is 6. We have never bought her a christmas present aside from a helium balloon (she loves them). She is the only grandchild/niece or nephew in the family, therefore gets an inordinate amount of gifts from family members big family

AIBU not to buy her anything from me?

OP posts:
threepiecesuite · 19/11/2014 21:17

The look on their face as they unwrap the thing, however small, that you thought about, chose, bought, and wrapped, just with them in mind, is irreplaceable. It just isn't the same when it is someone else's gift.

I only have one DD, no other children in the entire family so she does get spoilt at Christmas. But especially by me :-)

sanfairyanne · 19/11/2014 21:17

do you wonder why your parents offer to do it all?

because it is so much fun!

it is your loss tbh. i love xmas stocking shopping/filling and the whole xmas thing
sounds like your parents do to

i would love to get to do it all over again with grandkids Grin

but i am v surprised your dd hasnt noticed you havent got her a present. no way my 6 year olds would not have noticed.

sharlxx · 19/11/2014 21:20

You are just tight.

Sallystyle · 19/11/2014 21:21

I find it quite shocking.

I enjoy buying mine presents. Picking them things up I know they will love is great fun. Even if you find it boring, you buy your kids presents, or at least one, you just do.

moonrocket · 19/11/2014 21:24

I find it so very odd that you don't do her stocking. I love doing the stockings, they're very special for me, particularly as my children still think they come from FC.

WipsGlitter · 19/11/2014 21:27

I was coming on to say I hope you get her more than a poster last year who just buys her kid a helium balloon! And lo - it's you!

I think it's very odd. Does she not ask for stuff from Santa?

Green18 · 19/11/2014 21:28

How about buying a 'doing' gift that she will remember/take notice of such as a trip to theatre/panto/ show or other day out instead of a 'thing'?

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 19/11/2014 21:29

I love choosing things that I think DS will like so I couldn't imagine not buying him anything. Any presents from us come from Santa and others from the person that bought them. He doesn't get a lot in the way of gifts from us throughout the year. He does get a lot from family, at Christmas but not 'big' things like a bike or really big lego set.

Does your DD write a letter to Santa/Father Christmas? Do you then just let your relatives know what she' spur on the list? Does she think presents from your relatives are from Santa? Not judging, just curious really!

Itsfab · 19/11/2014 21:33

It's a bit wet to say you failed at writing a list of who bought what for thank yous.' It isn't hard to ask her to read out the gift tag before she opens it. A thank you for the present, love GirlPuds is just pointless really. No thought or real appreciation in my mind.

ThePinkOcelot · 19/11/2014 21:39

YABU and mean. I could understand if you only bought her a few things, but nothing?! Wow!

Darkandstormynight · 19/11/2014 21:48

Shock I would at least make her something, like a knitted hat, crocheted blanket, etc. Those are lasting gifts and are truly from the heart, love is woven into each stitch.

Ds was born a month early so he arrived before Christmas. I wasn't going to get him anything (I mean for Heaven's sake!) but dh of all people, was mortified. I still think not getting some one a gift when they are less than a month old is fine...but children that can comprehend?

Darkandstormynight · 19/11/2014 21:56

And what about Her children if she has them? If she never has gotten anything from you, will she not buy for her own children? She might not have the same family dynamics as you do.

I grew up with a brother and cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents all together for Christmas. Ds is an only, we moved across the country and now Christmas is the three of us. We make it special in our own way, and have a wonderful day. I make sure ds knows how to thoughtfully choose, make, or purchase little presents not for myself and dh, but for His family. If he doesn't learn from me, who is he going to learn from?

You never know, your dd might move cross country like we did and be on her own...would she buy her own children presents if you never did? How sad is that thought?

constantlyconfused · 19/11/2014 22:05

I'm a skint LP but i love buying DD gifts.
She gets plenty from my parents and siblings which takes a bit of pressure away but girls love clothes and the bonus is you'd need to buy them anyway . Why can't you get some nice clothes shoes etc so your not adding to piles of toys or an activity (horse riding lessons or whatever shes into). I think its a bit tight not to get a thing .

morethanpotatoprints · 19/11/2014 22:05

Don't all presents come from Father Christmas?
When they are older then you tell them who brought what, they always remember what they got and enjoying their presents.
In theory until they no longer believed in the bearded one we hadn't bought the dc a present either.
You do it how you want to, there is no right or wrong as long as the kids are happy.

Darkandstormynight · 19/11/2014 22:06

What I meant is that of course he gives us the gifts, but it's to teach him how to do this for His family some day. I read my post and it was muddled.

Woozlebear · 19/11/2014 22:07

Fuck me, people have really emotionally invested in consumerism, haven't they? You value your child if you buy it presents...Confused

MarionHaste · 19/11/2014 22:07

It sounds a bit like the grabfest favoured by my in-laws, with all the presents ripped open before anyone is even dressed. You should try pacing yourself, say just three presents before breakfast, then three more after coffee, save some until after lunch, that kind of thing. Surely it will be a bit more exciting knowing they are forbidden for now?

There's another thread where the poster is cross that grandparents always buy the biggest present, whereas she thinks that's the parent's prerogative. There must be a happy medium somewhere between these two extremes.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/11/2014 22:09

Yabvu I still have the Christmas oresents my parents got me when I was 6. When I saw your thread title I thought your dc was a baby, bu 6, surely he's noticed he hasent got a present from his parents. It is mean sorry!

zipzap · 19/11/2014 22:09

If you've got a digital camera, then when your dd picks up a present to open, take a snap of the gift tag so you can see who it is from, then take a picture of her opening the present - well, just after so you can see what it is! As a safety net you could also take pictures of each present with the label visible so that if some get missed you might be able to work out by process of deduction from size, paper etc who gave what.

Then you can go through and see who has given her what. And hopefully you'll also have a nice picture of your dd looking excitedly at the present she has just opened that you can not only send/text/email to the giver to show them how much your dd loved the present but you also know who to thank properly for what.

Even better, get one of your parents or your sister or somebody else who is there and watching everything very excitedly to be in charge of the camera (especially if one of them likes taking pictures) - make a big fuss of the routine of going and having her photo taken twice for each present - and make the 'official photographer' aware that this is really important to you and why. Then you get to watch, they get to be involved in the present opening process, it slows it down a little and you get a record to do thank you notes from after christmas. And if they screw it up you get to blame them for not knowing what present came from which person... Grin

I'd also say up front to your parents that if your dd is getting bored opening presents, then it's time to stop and save some for another day! There's nothing wrong in keeping a few for boxing day or beyond even.

And maybe you could do a santa stocking that gets left on your dd's bed at home for her to discover when she gets home, even if it's just got a few bits and bobs in, it will be exciting to discover. Plus you get to discover the excitement of making up a stocking for your dd - even if it's just a chocolate orange (real satsuma would go icky if santa left it there and you were away a few days!), some chocolate coins, a new pair of pants, a vest and t-shirt that you were getting her anyway, ditto some bubble bath, a new tooth brush etc, a couple of bits and bobs you know she would like - poundland has loads of things for a pound each from minnie mouse lip balm and flannels to pens, stickers and craft sets, dvds, books, some seeds for you to plant together, and then top it all off with a cute little cuddly toy poking out of the top (ok so that last one was my mum's tradition and I've continued it, my dc love to see who is at the top of their stocking!). Alternatively there are loads of great present bargains on the bargains thread in the christmas topic, from stocking fillers to big things - lots of great stocking filler type things for just a pound or two (although lots come from china so you need to be ordering now for pre christmas delivery!)

And then have your own tradition of a new year's present for example so that you can give her something. Or set her up a bank account that you pay into so that when she's 18 you can say 'here are all your christmas presents' - then at least you feel you are doing something rather than feeling sad at everybody else taking over.

DuelingFanjo · 19/11/2014 22:11

I think it's fine. Not sure why people ask these kind of questions TBH. If you are ok with it and she doesn't have a problem with it then what's the issue?

Just get on with it.

Darkandstormynight · 19/11/2014 22:19

Woozlebear, what about a home made gift though? Those are from the heart.

Waitingonasunnyday · 19/11/2014 22:20

I love getting things for DC that only I could know that they will love. No one else can do that for them.

AugustaGloop · 19/11/2014 22:23

Honestly my favourite thing about christmas is finding little things for my DC that they have not asked for but I know they will just love. Although my DC are adored by the rest of the family, I honestly do not think anyone could choose these types of gifts as well as me (DH would acknowledge he is not great!) These are the things my DC remember rather than what they asked for and I love to see their little faces. One year DD1 opened some thing and said "I can't believe FC knew I really wanted this - I didn't even know myself".

Although I understand your sentiment about volume of gifts, I think this is sad.

asurpriseinstore · 19/11/2014 22:28

If she loves balloons,Why not have a bunch of helium balloons for her to wake up to on Christmas day?

maddening · 19/11/2014 22:33

Why not give her a trip out - tickets for a film and vouchers for a pizza place, ballet lessons,horse riding experience, outing of her choice, animal experience at a zoo ( Chester zoo for example do a feed the giraffes, feed the penguins etc etc ) tickets for you to take her to Disney on ice. - fair enough you get tons of toys so make yours intangible and something she will remember doing and a taste of something new and possibly even educational.