To fix DS's teeth in spite of DP's objections ...

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Just back from the dentist with DS2 and it's crunch time, so to speak ...

DS is 13 and has an inherited wossname that means his front teeth are squwiff. DP's teeth are exactly the same. The dentist has been chuntering gently about straightening them up for ages but now all DS's milk teeth have bailed out it's time to get down to business. This means a permenant brace for 18 months or so. Trouble is, DP is dead against the idea. He says his crooked teeth are part of who he is and the same goes for DS. I think he's being a bit ridiculous - if DS has the work done now it's totally free and has a much better chance of sucess than if he waits and has it done as an adult.

DS doesn't know what he wants to do but I think it's DP's opposition that's making him hesitate ...

What would you lot suggest? I don't want to steamroller DS into a year and a half of brace-wearing if he really wants to keep his asymetric gnashers but I don't want him to be tearing his hair at 19 wishing he'd got them fixed when he had the chance!

The actual problem is that they both have a rather thicker than normal strip of skin between their front teeth that pushes the top inscisors ( However you spell it ... ) Backwards where they meet so they are at a 45% angle to the rest of the top teeth - all his others are fine.

You don't say where you are op, but in Scotland the nhs have really tightened up the application of the criteria for eligibility for free nhs ortho. My dc will need braces, my Dds teeth don't meet properly (this has already caused a chip in her otherwise untouched mouth, and will cause excessive wear long term), and ds has terrible crowding to the point that his upper canines are outwith the arch made by the rest of his teeth. Even with this their treatment plan isn't guaranteed to be accepted by the nhs, so if it's being offered, and your ds will agree to having them (and his oral hygiene is excellent) then I would ask if your dentist /orthodontist would explain the clinical need to your dh , in the hope of getting him on board.

They may have similar teeth, but the father's teeth are his own to do as he sees fit and so are the son's

What was right for the father does not make it right for the son - we have no way of knowing what dental services will be available for the future and what will have to be paid for. The decision for the son will be a different one from the one the the father made years ago.

The son needs to know that it is his decision to make and that he does not have to please his father.

The father needs to know that too, and that if the son chooses to have a brace, it is not a personal rejection of his father.

If he is having it done on the NHS, then there must be some need, as they cut back on the cosmetic side of it years ago. I have been told by my dentist that properly straight and spaced teeth are 'self cleaning' (it is a shame he could not do that for my son, but that is a different issue.)

Yanbu. If you can get them fixed now and for free then do so. Crooked teeth can lead to all sorts of jaw and dental problems down the line with great expense involved. Perhaps your dh has been lucky and not suffered these issues yet but he should nevertheless appreciate it would be cavalier to gamble with dh's health and appearance. Stick to your guns and push to get the problem teeth fixed, op.

I had exactly this as a child - please for the love of god get them fixed. Mine looked absolutely awful - it's only now I look back at old photos that I can see how truly dreadful they were - I just accepted them when I was younger. (Get that bit of skin removed as well by the way.)

Hi NotMrsTumble has your dentist indicated to you that treatment is likely not to be free? Our dentist has talked to us about treatment for DD (who has a missing tooth, apparently genetic) and said he would need to write off for approval but seemed to think it would almost certainly be approved (also in Scotland).

I say do it.

Especially if its free.

I'm an adult with braces and I wish I had had them when I was 13. Being an adult with braces is far worse than being a teen with them. Cost wise they have cost me £3,500 when they would have been free at 13.

Painwise I have barely any. Of course it was bad to begin with, but a year on I barely notice.

Orthodontic treatment is either necessary, in that it'll likely get worse and cause issues when your son is older, or cosmetic. If its just cosmetic (so a bit of straightening) then it won't be hugely painful and won't take long. If it's necessary, then do it.

From a shallow point of view I can not wait to have straight teeth I will feel so much more comfortable with my smile, and wearing lipstick! Even nowadays most people my age have straight teeth and I find it very noticeable when people don't (though obviously I am in the mindset to notice teeth more!).

Fundamentally it's up to your son. So don't let your dh persuade him not to, just as you shouldn't persuade him to do it. It is his choice.

Not I'm in the east of England ...

Alias Do point out where I say that? My DP thinks his crooked teeth are part of who he ( DP ) is ... I just don't want DS to make a decision based on DP's advise that may cause him problems later.

I assumed that people would know the NHS didn't stump up for purely cosmetic work so I didn't put that bit in my OP, sorry.

If he is entitled to this on the NHS then the problem is not simply cosmetic. I would definitely encourage him to have braces if I were you (I'm a dentist not an orthodontist)

I'm quite upset at all this talk of children (or anyone) being unattractive and therefore needing to be fixed. Isn't our job as parents to give them the confidence to believe they are amazing in every way? My other DS has a large facial birthmark. Again, the medical advice was that it could be improved but not removed entirely but that here would be risks involved and it wasn't necessary.He gets teased about it occasionally but he's got a good stock of answers and if it wasn't that it would be something else. Should I have taken the risks and had the work done?

I don't think this is a similar situation, because a) your son can still be attractive, the handsomest boy in our school had a huge birthmark on his face and b) there was a risk to fix it. If you can't change something, you have to accept it- through confidence building and so on. My dd has a cosmetic problem which isn't easily fixable and that's what we do, just make the best of it by doing exactly the same, building her confidence and giving her 'replies' when people commen- however I wouldn't also then leave her to have crooked teeth (if the option to fix was there) or leave a squint untreated (as a friend of mine's parents did which devastated him as a young man) or not treat bad acne (which can destroy confidence). These things can be fixed and in the main I would tend towards intervention unless there was a reason why not (in this case it may be he has to have surgery).

I'm happy to get off the fence on this one, I do want my children to be as attractive as they can possibly be given the way they are, in a world in which attractiveness matters. It's not just about medical necessity, I notice (as I work with lots of young people) that wealthier people have children who are tall, good-looking, have fewer spots, straighter teeth and are in general slimmer. The converse is true. One crooked tooth is neither here nor there but it is disingenuous to suggest looks don't matter in our society, or indeed that they are a marker of social status as they are.

I had braces, and am very grateful to my parents for paying for my teeth to be straightened (no free orthodontic work where I grew up).

A 13yo is absolutely old enough to decide for himself.

Be careful not to let your DP emotionally blackmail him, either. What was the right decision for DP, may not be the right decision for his DS. He shouldn't have to put up with crooked teeth, so as not to hurt his father's feelings. Equally, he might be happy to have crooked teeth, and that decision should also be respected.

It's free, will cost a fortune to get it done as an adult, and will make him look nicer his whole life - of course get it done, FFS!

Yes I'm with Hair on this. My DD(19) has a facial scar which cannot be improved without serious risk of worsening the situation. So we have left it for now. Treatment improve all the time, and maybe something will come along in the future.

However, she still has has her teeth whitened, goes to the gym three times a week and is basically bloody gorgeous. She is utterly confident in herself and that probably adds to her attractiveness.

OOAOML One is likely to be covered, the other may be a bit more borderline, thankfully the orthodontist is good at explaining and taking things one step at a time, they're currently both under review, they'll send off for approval when they judge they're about to need active treatment. OP, my general impression is that there's even less funding for nhs dentistry in England than in Scotland, so I imagine if it's being offered then there's a clinical reason.

My mum refused on my behalf at that age saying they gave me "character".
I always hated them and was self conscious. As I got older, they got worse and at the age of 35 had braces and now have a permanent retainer bonded to hold them back.
I now like my smile and wish mum had let me have them done years ago.

Do it! I had to pay 1800 as an adult to get my teeth straightened, he'd be really daft not to do it now.

Only your DS can decide, I decided not to when I was a kid as it was just one tooth. But now I hate it and my wisdom teeth have moved down its worse.

At some point it's going to cost me about £4,000 to get fixed. Once I know I'll be in one area for a few years. So your DS needs to decide then he can't blame anyone later

I should add the high cost is due to living in London, it being a very well known person doing it and also because I would want the invisible options. The lowest quote I could get was about £2,500 for a metal very obvious old tech brace.

I got the option of having mine done as a teen, extensive work then a few things happened including Mum leaving home and no one followed it up. I have ended up spending £8000 on orthodontics. Including wearing braces (in an executive role meeting a lot of people = cringe) in my thirties that have ruined my teeth.

In a nutshell I would encourage DS to have it done. Now when its free and also young teeth don't get so damaged by braces.

I am nearly 40 and still harbour bad feeling about this tbh

Just to add that people shouldn't judge but can't help looking. I used to have many conversations with people and they would be looking at my teeth. Now its my face/eyes.

I used to joke that a boob job would have been a cheaper option to get attention away from bad teeth! (It was a joke).

My sister was recommened braces at 13 but declined due to vanity. Years later, at 28, she paid 3 grand to have them to fix her teeth. She really wished she'd done it when she was young and it was free!

Bad teeth are awful, both to look at and to live with - I'm so pleased I got mine done as a teen. DH had had terrible problems with his.

It's up to your son, but I'd be actively encouraging him to do it. I really cant think of a reason why you wouldn't.

I think your DP is being U, sorry.

My dentist said at my last visit that recent studies have shown that crooked and cramped teeth have a statistically massive chance of not being around when you are older, as they wear badly or chip due to pressure or alignment.

He asked me to consider a permanent brace on my cramped teeth (even though I had braces as a teen - the tech has moved on a lot!) in order for me to still have them in 40y time. I'm in my 40s and would have to pay thousands.

Get them done, so your DS still has teeth in his 70s.

"DS has got 5 years left to change his mind if he decides against and then gets more self-concious about them later!"

Well technically that's true in a financial sense. However, it utterly makes sense to get orthodontic work done at this age while your teenager is going through their big growth spurt, because it means as the mouth grows with a brace on, the teeth will be forced into the new, correct position. It's a lot more difficult to achieve the same effect with adults who have stopped growing.

We've had 8 years of orthodontic work with DD1, from age 8 to 16, to correct a severe jaw misalignment. The most important improvements were achieved during puberty when she was gaining height quickly.

I think your DP would be an idiot to deny your DS this treatment. It goes way beyond cosmetic treatment like teeth whitening, the two can't be compared.

My two youngest needed braces DH was against it. I felt they should have it done and one did and one decided he didn't want it. The one who had it done is happy, the one who didn't have it done regrets it and is saving up for private treatment that is expensive.