To fix DS's teeth in spite of DP's objections ...

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Just back from the dentist with DS2 and it's crunch time, so to speak ...

DS is 13 and has an inherited wossname that means his front teeth are squwiff. DP's teeth are exactly the same. The dentist has been chuntering gently about straightening them up for ages but now all DS's milk teeth have bailed out it's time to get down to business. This means a permenant brace for 18 months or so. Trouble is, DP is dead against the idea. He says his crooked teeth are part of who he is and the same goes for DS. I think he's being a bit ridiculous - if DS has the work done now it's totally free and has a much better chance of sucess than if he waits and has it done as an adult.

DS doesn't know what he wants to do but I think it's DP's opposition that's making him hesitate ...

What would you lot suggest? I don't want to steamroller DS into a year and a half of brace-wearing if he really wants to keep his asymetric gnashers but I don't want him to be tearing his hair at 19 wishing he'd got them fixed when he had the chance!

It's hard to get them paid for, even in the nhs, so that must mean they deem it more than just cosmetic and therefore yabu if you don't push to get them corrected.

It could mean issues with his teeth long term.

My husband has a slightly crooked front tooth. To me, it makes his smile more beautiful than if he'd had anything done.

His sister has the same 'imperfection' and at one time was going to get it sorted. However, I pointed out how attractive I found it in both of them, and she changed her mind.

However, as others have said, at 13, I think your son is old enough to make up his own mind.

It really isn't a hassle to have braces when you are 13 and everybody has braces. It is much more of a thing if you decide to have braces as a adult. I'd say get it over with, but it's difficult to say without knowing what your son's teeth look like - some crooked teeth really aren't charming.

I would also be concerned that crooked teeth might contribute to tooth decay - but again difficult to know how likely that is without knowing anything about the teeth in question.

Having had lots of orthodontic work as a child I am not going to push my children down the same road if I don't have to. Braces hurt!

I had braces for 3 years, lots of adult teeth removed to solve overcrowding and it really didn't work. I have missing back teeth and my front teeth are still crooked. Also, the constant pain I was in possibly contributed to my dismal GCSE results. My mum was never able to come to my appointments as she worked. With hindsight, I wish I had waited till I was older and had more control over my treatment.

How bad are the crooked teeth and does ds want them fixed?

My teeth are awful, it has affected my confidence a lot. I wish mine had been fixed as a teenager - there's no way I could afford to have them done now. If my DS has wonky teeth I will do whatever it takes to persuade him to have braces.

Yanbu, my friend is a dentist. The fact they are crooked couls cause more decay etc in future

The NHS doesn't fund orthodontic treatment purely for cosmetic reasons. Therefore if he qualifies for free treatment there is a CLINICAL need for them to be straightened, so get them done.

If your dp had one leg shorter than the other and had to wear orthotics (or whatever they do) would he deny your ds treatment because 'it made him who he is'?

Your ds is NOT your dp.

YANBU.

My DH is very self consocious of his crooked teeth and finds it difficult the keep them properly clean. He also doesn't realise that he avoids opening his mouth when he speaks or smiles, and when he laughs he covers his mouth with his hand.

If your DS doesn't want it done that's fine but no one else has the right To prevent him having it done.

Braces are generally uncomfortable for the first few days but they shouldn't hurt.

Personally i would push (though not force) my child to have them corrected.

He may be very self conscious in later life and find it is very costly to correct.

Thanks for your thoughts - DS has got 5 years left to change his mind if he decides against and then gets more self-concious about them later!

I think your son should get them fixed - if it's what he wants to do.

My three DSs have all had braces, and in their late teens & early twenties now they are all glad they did. They all have lovely teeth. Like DS1 (21) says, his teeth were one less thing to feel self conscious about as a young teen.

From a dental hygiene point of view it makes teeth much easier to clean.

If it's free, definitely go for it. I'm in Ireland & have spent, I kid you not, the best part of €8,000 on my DSs teeth. OK, some of it was allowable against tax, but it's still a lot of money. It was worth every cent.

I have overcrowded bottom front teeth. Even my dentist admits that I can't clean them properly with brush and floss, and I have to have quarterly intensive scale and polish (which hurts). I am going to ask for an estimate of how much it would cost to have them straightened. I feel quite angry that there was no discussioin when I was younger about having them straightened - they have caused me a lot of distress over the years and I try not to smile/laugh with a wide-open mouth.

Your husband may be happy with his teeth, but your son may not end up with the exact same degree of squintness - it might more more, it might be less; he might have issues keeping them clean, he might not. I think he should take some advice from the dentist on the implications of fixing them now vs leaving them alone. And bear in mind that if he leaves it till he is older, it is likely to cost him a lot of money if he changes his mind.

Yes, encourage your son to have an orthodontic brace. As others have said, it's not a question of vanity. Crooked teeth, however charming and individual they might be, can cause problems - with cleaning, decay, etc. There is also the issue of bite, which can create associated problems further down the line (headaches, etc.). People have made the comparison of a crooked nose and that just being part of who you are, but you'd probably be encouraged to have your nose 'fixed' if it was causing problems with your breathing/sinuses.

On the subject of vanity, don't underestimate how great a straight smile can make you feel. Kudos to your husband for feeling fantastic about his distinctive, individual teeth, but not everyone feels this way. I actually think your husband is being a bit precious about it. Not everyone is going to feel fantastic about a crooked smile, whether that's right or wrong or the product of a f*cked up, symmetry/beauty-obsessed society.

I didn't have a brace as a teenager (my mother killed the idea as she couldn't be bothered with the 'hasssle' of dentist visits). The result of her decision was that I grew up incredibly self conscious about my teeth amongst my friends, who all had lovely, straight smiles. I never smiled in photos or smiled with my teeth showing. At the age of 27 I had 'train tracks' fitted for two years and now have a lovely straight smile. It cost me thousands but it was worth it. In terms of pain, there was discomfort at times but nothing unbearable. Dentists rarely remove teeth now due to overcrowding. It's not great for the jaw in later life so they'll use an expanding plate to create more space and then affix the brace afterwards. The main discomfort for me was the way the tracks and brackets 'cut' the inside of my cheeks a bit. However, the dentist gave me this funny wax stuff that I would mould over the brackets and after a while my mouth 'toughened up.

Hands down the best decision I made. Your son is being given the option of straight teeth for free. I really think he will thank you for it.

My triplets have all had traintrack braces. DS2 has had his taken off and his teeth are beautiful. DD and DS3 will have theirs removed after Christmas. The difference is remarkable. Ask his dad to back off with his protests and let your DS make his own decision without pressure from either of you.

Oh, and due to my overcrowded teeth I had massively impacted wisdom teeth. These became infected and were removed by operation (along with a bit of jawbone). I'm not a dentist but I do feel there was a link between my overcrowded teeth and my severe issues with impacted wisdom teeth.

Orthodontic issues can be minor and 'new' when you're a teenager, but fast-forward twenty or thirty years and the issues can built into problems.

I'm really lucky in that I have inherited my mum's very straight teeth but my dad has a set of proper gnashers and they're horrible! I'm really funny about teeth and honestly couldn't date someone with squint ones, so I say go for the braces. He can get them fixed now for free, he might really regret it when he's older if he doesn't go for it now.

My best friend's teeth were terrible - he called them "a row of condemned houses" and said that he "looked like a tin opener" - but he had braces for two years when we were at school and now has a permanent wire behind his front teeth. He had no pain (other than the normal discomfort at first) and he looks like a totally different person now, it has boosted his confidence no end.

I'd definitely encourage him to have it done when possible. Who knows what edicts can arise over 5 years eg stopping this kind of free NHS treatment. Ask your dentist what he would do if it were his son and when. If he had a squint in his eyes nobody would consider doing nothing "because that's who he is".

Do it!

I know plenty propel who either didnt want to wear braces as they werent cool or parents said they Didnt need them. A good number of those people are now or have been aduts with braces and at a few grand they are very open in telling people to do it when it is free!

What does DS think?

My DS (also 13) has a pronounced overbite, it's never bothered him but dentist and then orthodontist thought it should be fixed. I went along with the "experts" thinking that was what you do if you're told a child "needs" a brace.

Anyway, long story short, DS had an extra issue that meant a brace wasn't the best solution and we were referred to the hospital. The consultant there was most put out that it had got that far because "he's beautiful and it's always the safest option to do nothing"

His advice was that all dentistry carries risks and that unless there's a medical reason to fix it (like it's causing uneven wear) it's far better to leave it.

IMO your DH's attitude is far healthier.

How bad are they?

Anything worse than a minor thing and I wouldn't hesitate to get them fixed.

18 months is nothing.

My DH didn't have his straightened as a child (different country, very expensive) he really wishes he had straight teeth now.

I thought you couldn't get free treatment for cosmetic straightening, even for children? If this is the case, I would jump at the chance to get this treatment. I am biased though, I have wonky teeth and I don't think they enhance my character in the slightest, and would love to have them straightened, even in my forties. I think it's extremely odd of your husband to want your child to 'be like him' in something others may well regard as unattractive (a slight wonk is one thing, but he can't have this otherwise he wouldn't be offered free treatment) and over something that may well have medical implications- my two teeth that are crossed at the front collect much more plaque and are much harder to clean. I actually find this weird.

I had a lot of dental work when I was young as I have a very small jaw.

Even with having some teeth removed, and wearing a brace I still had to have lots of filling as my teeth are ver close together, so it's difficult to clean every part of the tooth.

Dentists and orthodontists don't usually suggest treatment for no reason, they do it to stop problems in the future.

Ds2 wears a brace now and is very happy to do do. He is nearly 13. Lots of the children at his school wear braces. I don't think it's a big deal.

They must be pretty wonky though, or he wouldn't be able to have them done on the NHS. DD has a couple that are slightly out of line, and though our dentist referred her, the orthodontist turned her down.