To ask MIL not to send a letter from Santa this year, because I want to do all the Santa things?

[Selfishsanta]

Last year MIL sent DS a letter from Santa, one of those ones off the internet where you fill in the kid's name and what they want for Christmas and then they get a letter in the post. He had only just turned 2 so didn't have a clue about Christmas really, but he knew it was something exciting to get a letter in the post. She also did one for his cousin, who is a year older, and she understood and enjoyed it. It was a lovely thought and she is an adoring granny who is equally adored by her grandchildren. This is now the first Christmas where DS understands it all and he is already excited by all the Christmas stuff in shops.

I expect she'll want to do it again this year. However, I don't want her to, because I want all the Santa stuff all to myself! (By myself, I mean me and DH, but he's not that bothered with the practicalities and is happy to leave it to me). To me, Santa coming is such a fabulous and shortlived aspect of childhood and is a treat for me for being the person who goes in in the night all the rest of the year round.

I want to say to her, Do you mind if I do the Santa letter thing this year?

I know it's selfish, but is it unreasonable?

I do think you are BU. Does it really matter who organises it? I think it is a lovely, selfless thing that your MIL is doing - arranging for a surprise that your ds will love, which she won't even get to take part in.

How about starting up something else which is just for you (and dh and ds)?

There is so much to do (or which can be done) at Christmas - all of the advent things (we never have a standard choc calendar, so I have loads to arrange/organise - this year my elder two will share a craft activity calendar, with a different Christmas themed craft to make each day, and ds will get involved as much as he can (he's 2)), lots of different things to bake (if that floats your boat), actual Santa visit, the list is endless.

Wanting to control each and every aspect of your ds' Santa experience every year is way OTT. Let go, and let everyone enjoy it.

FloggingMolly my Mum thinks soft play places are the greatest inventions known to man - I don't - if she wants to brave the 7th circle of hell with my 3 year old I'm biting her hand off to say yes.

Yabu , she sounds like a lovely granny.

I don't think it's controlling at all. Last year we were at MIL's for Christmas with BIL and his family. Their DC got up early, as did MIL, and instead of suggesting they woke their parents to do stockings, or wait a bit, she did the stockings without them which meant that they didn't get to see the kids' faces as they opened their presents from Santa, that of course, they had gone to a lot of effort to get. It was very thoughtless of her and caused a lot of upset, but could so easily have been avoided. Of course it didn't make any difference to the DC, but I didn't think BIL and SIL were being U in wanting to experience that moment with their DC.

I got the picture on that one years ago from both my former and current MILs NannyOgg.....

RiverTam, that is a totally different issue.

I wouldn't be best pleased if a relative unwrapped presents (at birthday or Christmas) without the rest of the family around, but the Op's issue is not on the same scale at all.

I was a bit out out last year when my dd's teacher took it on herself to organise the whole class writing to Father Christmas (and getting a reply), as it meant we couldn't do that as a family. It was overstepping boundaries ina big way, imo, but I didn't complain. She was only trying to do a nice thing.

YABU on this.

Think of what lovely memories your dc will have of their tradition of the Santa card with their gran ... When they're teens (or after they know about origin of the letter/) and later as adults, they'll cherish the memory ... Maybe they'll ask that you continue the tradition as a granny yourself?

You already have so much & so many memories with your dc. Be generous and give this one to your mil.

YABU and selfish. MiL is family too.

Yabu. She is not trying to steal the job of playing Santa. She is just doing a reply letter.
honestly, Christmas is supposed to be about love and family. Your children are surrounded by people that love them. It shouldn't come down to cheap point scoring

I'm so glad my DiLs aren't like you, OP. They are lovely and happy to share the love.

Maybe one day you'll get a DiL just like you. Think about that.

I would let her do it. It's a very small element of it and you get to witness the opening of it. Presumably it's a generic message too ?

Do you know that you can "follow Santa's progress" on a website on the internet on Christmas Eve as he travels around the globe.

Blimey - I did this for my friend's child once just because I thought it was a nice thing to do. I didn't even ask her if it was ok. It was an online thing through the NSPCC so I made a donation at the same time and then the child received a letter from Santa shortly after. I just assumed the person behind the letter was irrelevant. In fact, my friend forgot I'd told her about it and it wasn't till weeks/months later I mentioned it and she realised it was me. She was glad I mentioned it as she hadn't known who to thank. I couldn't get worked up about this. Why not let her sort the letter and you can do the other stuff (there's SO much other stuff!!)

I don't think Op is BU or controlling or anything like that. There's no hint she wants to do it simply to deprive the mil of it.

MIL has done it once, it's not like she has a long tradition of doing it for all the dgc. This year mum wants to do it. Maybe next her Op's dm would like to do it, is that a problem?
Are people saying that if MIL does something once, then it's hers by right? Op hasn't even asked-MIL might not be planning on doing it again.
On that basis could the Op's dm say "well I had them round for Christmas lunch last year, therefore they have to come this year"?

I also don't think that I as a child, or my dc, would look on that as being "what a lovely memory of my granny". Memory of your granny is making biscuits together (as someone else suggested) or decorating the Christmas tree or going carol singing. Something you do together. Chances are the children won't ask who did it at any point, certainly wouldn't have occurred to me as a child.

My dm has always paid for my dc to have a magazine subscription. They know she does it, they love getting the magazine. Does it feature highly on what they think about granny? No, it doesn't get a mention. What they talk about is things they've done together, a cafe they had a drink in, when they found the caterpillar-that sort of thing makes memories.

YABU and selfish. You get to do all the other stuff, including taking your DC to see Santa etc. There's no need to keep it all to yourself, it's really mean.

YABU and selfish. Just do something else Santa related.

Would it have occured to you to do the letter if your MIL hadn't done it last year?

I think if it's a thing you have been thinking about doing since your DC was born but you were just waiting till he could understand it, then YANBU (though it may still be unwise) to explain it's something you've been planning for a while and you know she got in first last year but you thought she should know you'll be doing it this year.

If it's something you may not even have done if MIL didn't do it last year then YABU, really VU, probably letting some of her poor treatment of you cloud things a little. Just enjoy watching him enjoy getting the letter and later if it makes you feel better you can smile as he smears jam all over it and discards in favour of a bit of bubble wrap.

DeWee, you are right in your summing up of the 'tradition'. It isn't a long standing thing (so far).

But the OP is BU because she specifically states she wants to do everything to do with Santa, while her ds believes. Absolutely every little thing.

That's controlling.

Family is about more than just parents. And it sounds as though the OP has involved GPs, which is a good thing. This is one little thing, which the MIL doesn't even seem to want/need to claim the glory for. It is totally for the child.

I think giving something is necessary and better to come from you so you control it. I give on Santa visits.

YABU. Let her do it. My mum does this for mine each Christmas. If she didn't I would do it, but she enjoys it. We get all the real magic, including seeing them open the letters.

Yes, I do think YABU and a bit selfish.

It's such a little thing, and also, she thought of it, not you! It's not as if she swept in and usurped your role in some special family tradition.

Throw in the fact that your kids have no clue whether you or she organised it, and it starts to look really petty.

what a lovely thing for a grandparent to do for a grandchild and how sad that you want her to stop doing it

YABU

So merge traditions. You go through the catelogues, cut out pictures of toys etc and make it a tradition for you to sit with your FS and write to Santa. Either post it or burn it so the smoke goes to Santa. Ring MIL (or let DS speak to her) to tell her what he's asked for, then she goes online, fills in the info for the letter. Everyone's a winner!

*DS not FS. Damned silly phone screen...