To ask MIL not to send a letter from Santa this year, because I want to do all the Santa things?

[Selfishsanta]

Last year MIL sent DS a letter from Santa, one of those ones off the internet where you fill in the kid's name and what they want for Christmas and then they get a letter in the post. He had only just turned 2 so didn't have a clue about Christmas really, but he knew it was something exciting to get a letter in the post. She also did one for his cousin, who is a year older, and she understood and enjoyed it. It was a lovely thought and she is an adoring granny who is equally adored by her grandchildren. This is now the first Christmas where DS understands it all and he is already excited by all the Christmas stuff in shops.

I expect she'll want to do it again this year. However, I don't want her to, because I want all the Santa stuff all to myself! (By myself, I mean me and DH, but he's not that bothered with the practicalities and is happy to leave it to me). To me, Santa coming is such a fabulous and shortlived aspect of childhood and is a treat for me for being the person who goes in in the night all the rest of the year round.

I want to say to her, Do you mind if I do the Santa letter thing this year?

I know it's selfish, but is it unreasonable?

[AugustaGloop]

Does the letter come to your house or to her house and she passes it on?
If the former, then YABU.
I agree in principle that it is nice to do all the exciting things (and she has had her turn) but the exciting thing here is not filling in the form on the internet, it is receiving and opening and reading the letter which you will be there for.
The letter from Santa is not something we ever did and our DC have always had very exciting Christmases, so I sure you can think of enough other magical things you can do rather than "stealing" her idea. Actually I think we might have done it once but do not remember particularly amazing reactions or I am sure we would have done it again.

if she gets the letter delivered to her house and passes it on, what you could do is allow her to arrange for it but ask for it to be delivered to your house because it will be more believable then (i.e. it is more believable that the letter really comes from FC if it is delivered directly since he delivers presents directly)

[RiverTam]

I do know what you mean. I love choosing advent calendars but MIL always gives DD one before I get the chance, it is beyond irritating, and generally I like her very much. She's coming this weekend and I'll bet she'll have one for DD and even if I get one today (which is stupidly early) it'll just confuse DD. And she is geographically far away from all her DGC, despite having a lot of them, that it feels mean denying her this - but I want to do it! .

Sigh. Maybe I'll get one for me but DD can still open the doors.

[musicalendorphins2]

Oh, I'd just let her do it, I just looked it up, it is not a big deal. I have to say it looks to me, more like a parent thing than a grandparent thing anyways. But ask if you really want to do it. I wouldn't though.
Much more fun to sit down and write a letter to Santa with your 3 year old on paper, let them decorate it with stickers, and glitter, and mail it themselves, they will like that. We used to write the letter, then burn it in the fireplace, and Santa would receive the list in the smoke. Plus your son will be able to leave Santa a note or card on Christmas Eve, wishing him a Merry Christmas, and cookies and milk, carrot and sometimes apple, for the reindeer. Have the bedtime story and hang the stocking, all with you. So you will definitely have tons of magical memories to make. :)
We had Eddie the Elf leaving surprises on random days. We have tiny crocheted stockings on the tree and the elf sometimes left a coin or chocolate in them. Advent calendars of all sorts out there, and a ton of other fun things.
Sorry for all the unsolicited ideas, but just in case you hadn't heard of any of these things. :) Cheers!

[Kewcumber]

I'm very protective of the whole Santa thing - I love it just as much as DS does, and even I think you're being a teensy bit unreasonable!

She isn't doing Santa - she's just getting the letter sent! Presumably you will be there when he opens it which is the fun bit?

I would ring her up and say "Are you planning to do the Santa letter again this year like last year because if you are, we need to co-ordinate what it says so that it means as much to DS as possible as I think he will be much more conscious about what's going on this Christmas"

Then you plan what she's going to say (presuming it includes stuff like what they want for Christmas not just their name and age).

[Thebodynowchillingsothere]

I think you should tred very carefully here op.

Your mil already does this for her other grandchild and it may be a good idea to continue letting her do this for your child too and so make it her Christmas thing.

Trust me it goes very quickly and before you know there you are your child will be embaressed to be seen with you both.

[BarbarianMum]

I can't see anyway of you telling her this without it being a complete slap in the face but if your husband's fine with this then why not? Your ds' still got another granny.

[Davsmum]

People fighting over who does what for children is pathetic.
It is not about the children at all - its about 'me-me-me'

There is plenty everyone can do. Personally, so long as my child was happy and being shown love - I would be happy he had loving grandparents.

[pickles184]

I can totally understand you wanting to be selfish especially if you don't have the best relationship with MIL, but I still think YWBU to ask her not to send a letter from Santa. It is an anonymous act and you will get to enjoy the arrival and reading of said letter with DS so who instigates the sending of it seems such a petty thing to get possessive of.

It doesn't actually sound like she is trying to muscle in or take over your creating the magic with DS, is there more information you aren't sharing?

[hellohelloididntseeyouthere]

You sound really unpleasant and controlling OP. YABU

[Kewcumber]

If your MIL was breaking in through your child window on Christmas eve to deliver a competing stocking you might have a point, but a computer generated letter? Not so much.

[Thebodynowchillingsothere]

Bugger pressed to soon.

If she's generally a good egg what's the point in stirring up trouble over what is a really little thing.

You and your dh will start your own Christmas traditions with your child that she will have no part in.

You might need her for child care in the future so my advice is don't rock the boat unless you need to.

jack think that would be a very strange attitude to this issue. Mil isn't asking to breastfeed her gc! Strange view you have

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Yanbu I had a MIL like that and she was very thoughtless in her thoughtfulness!

I think many Grannies do things for their GC which they wish they'd done for their own kids.

Tough!

[Fullpleatherjacket]

He'll be just three. Even if it registers for longer than five minutes he won't question how it got to him.

Let her do something nice for her GS.

[LoonvanBoon]

Kewcumber

[Floggingmolly]

Your child will think it's from Santa! What the fuck does it matter who it's really from???

[wigglesrock]

I agree with what theBody....is saying, I know my mum does the same thing for all her grandchildren. If one of us was to say don't do it for mine, she'd be all a flutter about not doing something equal for all of them. I'm not really explaining that very well , but my mum and my mil are big on all the grandkids having the same treats (age appropriate).

There's loads of Christmassy stuff that can be done - advent calendars, seeing Santa, decorating the tree/house, going to the Cinema, shop displays, baking, tracking Santa, making cards etc. I think that it is tight to mention to her about the letter.

And I know she's already had her Christmasses with her kids but things were different then, they're wasn't the amount of interactive type stuff that you can do now with your kids or grandkids. Both my mil and my mum didn't have the time or money for extra treats when we were kids, now they do and they like to spend their time and the little bit of extra money they do have on mine and my siblings children.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

ClawHands a MIL like what? One who wanted to do nice things for her GCs and was an 'adoring granny' according to the OP.

I despair at some posts on here. I have two sons, no daughters, and if they marry women like you then I will be expected to ignore my son from the moment he meets you, be thankful for an occasional glimpse of any grandchildren until I am needed for childcare at which point I must come running otherwise I will be labelled the bitch from hell and banished forevermore.

It makes me really sad.

[Hakluyt]

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel?

Now, let her do the letter.

[Nanny0gg]

YANBU at all. A handy little phrase I've picked up from MN for these situations is that she's had her turn at being mum.

Good. So she doesn't need to babysit, help out with fetching from nursery/school, take them for days out, look after them so mum can get some ironing done/put her feet up, buy them the odd outfit/school uniform, help with nursery fees, treat them to the occasional toy/McDonalds...

You get the picture.

[Floggingmolly]

You're right about the interactive stuff, wiggle, I remember gathering round the radio (!) on Christmas Eve to listen to the announcment that Santa's journey from the North Pole had begun.
No fecking personalised letters for me...

[Nanny0gg]

Yanbu I had a MIL like that and she was very thoughtless in her thoughtfulness! I think many Grannies do things for their GC which they wish they'd done for their own kids. Tough!

Luckily I was asked if I wanted to do the letters (NSPCC, costs £5) and I don't even get to see them open it!
I'm also invited along to see Santa (whole family including granddad and auntie) at the Zoo.

Share the love...

[BarbarianMum]

Don't worry Alibaba - my dh is one of 3 brothers and my mother in law is ace and all her DiL adore her. I only have sons and figure if I bring them up to be kind and thoughful and value these qualities in others then they'll choose lovely partners (on whose toes I will try very hard not to tread).

I do understand wanting there to be some things that are special between a parent and child - I always bake the dc's birthday cakes even though MiL would frankly be better at it fi - but I little letter amongst the plethora of Christmas oy. Just seems so mean.

[Thebodynowchillingsothere]

alibaba

Do so sgree. I have 2 sons and the older one has a fiancée who is thankfully lovely as I am to her.

I also have 2 dds.

I will obviously adore any gc and will want to go anything I can to help out within reason but mumsnet has made me so worried that any kindness is seen as overbearing or wrong. Very upsetting.

My mil was great and of course sometimes she got in my pip and I her but we are family.

I know some are nightmares,as are some dils but ffs things like this really make me sad.

[BarbarianMum]

Christmas joy