To ask MIL not to send a letter from Santa this year, because I want to do all the Santa things?

[Selfishsanta]

Last year MIL sent DS a letter from Santa, one of those ones off the internet where you fill in the kid's name and what they want for Christmas and then they get a letter in the post. He had only just turned 2 so didn't have a clue about Christmas really, but he knew it was something exciting to get a letter in the post. She also did one for his cousin, who is a year older, and she understood and enjoyed it. It was a lovely thought and she is an adoring granny who is equally adored by her grandchildren. This is now the first Christmas where DS understands it all and he is already excited by all the Christmas stuff in shops.

I expect she'll want to do it again this year. However, I don't want her to, because I want all the Santa stuff all to myself! (By myself, I mean me and DH, but he's not that bothered with the practicalities and is happy to leave it to me). To me, Santa coming is such a fabulous and shortlived aspect of childhood and is a treat for me for being the person who goes in in the night all the rest of the year round.

I want to say to her, Do you mind if I do the Santa letter thing this year?

I know it's selfish, but is it unreasonable?

[Boomtownsurprise]

Woowooowl said it best
"You will get to be the one that collects the post from your doorstep and open the letter with your child, the actual organising of the letter is something your child won't even know"

You're not being cool. Not cool at all.

[whatever5]

I would mention that you would like to do it if it's such a big deal although I really don't think it should. I feel sorry for some GP with DIL regarding this kind of thing though.

[DizzyKipper]

Sorry OP but I do think YABU. I know how lovely it is to share these things with your DC, but there will be a lot you get to do, you really don't have to do everything. I say that as some one with a toxic MIL as well, I do think it would be quite mean to take this away from her, regardless of whether you don't feel like your relationship is that great

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

"YANBU at all. A handy little phrase I've picked up from MN for these situations is that she's had her turn at being mum."

Yes, indeed she has, SaucyJack - AND NOW SHE IS HAVING HER TURN AT BEING GRANDMA!!

I am sorry, OP, but I too think YABU to take this away from your MIL - there is SO much more that you will be able to do with your child, to make Christmas magical - isn't it rather selfish to want to do it ALL?

[Hakluyt]

Why are people so horrible??????

[Notso]

I think you sound like a toddler.

[outofcontrol2014]

"she is an adoring granny who is equally adored by her grandchildren"

• this, THIS, is more magical than anything about Santa ever could be.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Very true out.

[chubbymummy]

Wow, I can't believe what a hard time you're getting OP. I totally understand why you want to do it yourself, to me creating the magic is the most exciting part of Christmas. My DS is too old for it all now and I really miss it. As long as you're polite about it and explain to MIL how excited you are about doing it then she should understand.
I hope you have lots of fun, I'd recommend taking a look at PNP (portable north pole) where you can get a video message from Santa. The Nordic Santa Tracker is great to look at on Christmas Eve too!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

As I said, chubbymummy - there is still plenty of magic left for the OP to create.

[Selfishsanta]

Well, I'm glad I posted! Thanks for all the replies.

I want to reassure those of you feeling sorry for a dear sweet granny, that I am nice to her and do try to include her. They are invited for christmas, we invite them on holiday, I text her photos of the kids all the time, get DS to make pictures for her when we're doing craft etc etc and I try to turn a blind eye to her undermining me and generally treating me as an irrelevancy quite a lot of the time.

I guess that's why I asked, because I feel she tries to push me out, I had lost perspective on whether it was ok for the parent to hog the Santa stuff, or whether IWBU.

I knew in my heart I was being petty and childish really. Thanks mumsnet, you have saved me from myself! Have just got a letter about the nursery Xmas concert, will text her now and see if she wants a ticket.

[Nanny0gg]

Oh for heaven's sake!!

This is AIBU!! You are not allowed to concede that everyone else is right and you are wrong!

And now you compound it by offering for your MiL to go to the Christmas concert?

Have you no shame?

[pommedeterre]

Op I am undermined by my mil too and I promise it feels so much better to be in control.

'So mil are you organising the Santa letter again this year or do you need me to do it?'

Boom.

[pommedeterre]

Lol nanny

[MommyBird]

Can't you do a letter too?

My DD has one the 1st of December about the Elf coming to stay with her and the Christmas eve one. The Elf also leaves reindeer food, new pjs and slippers ready for Christmas morning.

She has no idea it's me and her face lights up when she sees the letters and her parcel. I don't get any thanks. But I'm not meet too. It's Santa.

[Kewcumber]

OP - you wouldn't believe the number of times I've gritted my teeth about my dickhead father for the benefit of my DS.

Just decide what things you absolutely want to keep for yourself eg filling stockings, visiting Santa for example. You know what your line in the sane is. And be generous with the rest, if she's a good granny to your DS then he will benefit.

Good luck.

[MommyBird]

*ment too.

I hate this phone

[Kewcumber]

Have you no shame? Good point NannyOgg - EPIC Fail on the AIBU front.

[Selfishsanta]

NannyOgg

[Calloh]

She is lucky to have such a nice DIL. We all get ranty about stuff, and you sound really lovely.

I don't think GPs get to takeover whatever they want but I agree with your last post that this one thing is probably fine.

[Hakluyt]

Wow- it's really easy to be a "nice dil" isn't it!

[LadyLuck10]

You sound like you made a good choice op! It's just a letter, there's much more to Xmas. Let her have her memories and you will have plenty more.

[StackladysMorphicResonator]

NannyOgg, you are my hero

[middlings]

Nanny

Well done OP. I'm with you on the slight teeth-gritting, (I may or may not have had a stand up row in a shoe shop with my own mother about who was going to get to buy DD1's first shoes) but you'll get to see your LO's face when they get the letter and that'll be pretty special too :)