To hate Santa?

[SilverSilverSilver]

... or at least the idea.

DS voiced how magical it was that every child in the world got presents on Christmas Day.

I told him that didn't happen. I told him that millions of children don't even have clean water to drink, let alone presents. DS is not even 5 but I couldn't let him believe that. It is so disrespectful to those poor children.

Every year I watch this avalanche of horrendous consumerism and my heart breaks for the millions with nothing. Absolutely nothing. I told DS that Saint Nicholas was a man who helped poor children a long time ago and we remember him by giving presents to other people. I told him we need to remember people who can't buy presents and help them get the things they need.

I waited for his heart to break but all he said was "So Santa just means giving presents?" and we made a list of ways to help the children who don't have presents, or food, or clean water, or safe beds.

I may well have ruined his childhood but since vast populations of the world don't even celebrate Christmas, I think he will be alright...

Wow OP. I have read some crap on MN before but this....well.

Words fail me.

Very for your son.

clara

I don't think most people grab their three year old and tell them that they give Santa money

But it works with my 15 year old

Although I am getting a bit concerned that he doesn't seem to have worked it out doesn't bode well for his GCSEs

But I think it's much more likely that he is keeping the fun and magic of Christmas alive for me

I think a lot of children pretend to believe in Santa in order not to disappoint their parents. It's a sort of shared pretence. All those questions about how it works are children challenging the fiction.

Your child is young but I think he's old enough to learn that not everyone gets Christmas presents. And there's a magic to instilling the idea of giving to the less fortunate at Christmas.

I think its bollocks, but just in case it isnt, OP no you shouldnt be saying these things to such a young child. They`re brains are not developed sufficiently to understand such complex and very traumatic things in life, and as much as you think he has dealt with it ok you have no idea of how its being stored in there heads.

Which is why when such young children have suffered a close loss we are guided by professionals as to how to help a child understand and deal with a situation, the same as to why we have such stringent rules when teaching children about wars etc...

You might think you have done the right thing by being so factual but unfortunately you have probably havent helped. Childhood and innocence is so short, we live in a very harsh world, but really, you shouldnt burden such a young mind in that way, it sounds as though you have done it for your own gratification rather than his, sadly.

Good grief....
One question to the OP if she ever comes back:
What did you get out of all this? Because I can guarantee your DS got nothing except a little bit of joy pulled out of the next month so it must have been done for you, not him.
The concept of Santa is what you make of it - not making Christmas revolve around him, fine, great even, but using the concept as an example of fat western children versus starving African child is smug, pointless and frankly patronising. You have obviously missed a large point about children in general in that they can be socially aware even from quite a young age and still believe in magic, unlike adults.
As for the Holocaust, words almost fail me. My step Aunt lost most of her family in Belsen but you know what? She still arrived at my parents house every year in a Santa hat with a smile on her face. If she could do it so could you.
YABU. So very YABU.

You know what I think of when it comes to Christmas? (I'm non-religious)

I think of putting up the Christmas Tree with friends on the first weekend in December (a tradition of mine and DH's). I think of singing cheesy Christmas Carols. I think of twinkly lights. I think of afternoons watching bad Christmas Movies (often with Santa in). I think of putting up my stocking and the next day there being just a few presents in it. There is always some chocolate coins and a chocolate orange and if I'm honest, I couldn't give a fuck if I didn't get anything else for Christmas. I think of sitting down for a Christmas meal with my family. Its watching Santa's progress around the world on NORAD Santa. (Even though its an American military thing, you know what that's still a pretty cool thing for them to do. They don't have to). And I think of the Santa float blaring out music that comes round the town collecting money for charity and going out to see it along with the rest of the street.

The one thing that I don't really think of is opening presents. If anything its sometimes been a little of an anti-climax for me. The years I got exactly what I wanted and nothing else, are a bit 'meh' in the end which probably sounds massively ungrateful but actually its the surprises that I loved more. My parents used to hide all our presents around the front room (my mum had ingenious places to put them). I remember the magic of trying to find the presents more than actually opening them all these years later. The magic of both giving and receiving a surprise that someone loves, is massively more special.

Nowhere in my Christmas is it really about consumerism. The two things that I do that are perhaps indulgent is the meal on Christmas Day (but I have to eat still, so you could maybe add a cracker or two and serve me pizza with turkey on top and I'd probably be happy) and the real Christmas tree we have (but for the next couple of years the plastic one in the loft will have to come out due to toddler on the loose). And both those events are really more about family and friends and 'making an event' with their presence rather than their presents.

So Santa most definitely exists to me still. Its still magical. Its still untouchable. And I thank my parents for teaching me that.

I still love it.

I don;t think you have ruined his childhood as such, but he certainly will never be able to look back at the magic. He will look back at his mummy being so serious all the time and more fretful over others, instead of making HIS time magical and fun.

Childhood is so very fleeting, and we have all out adult lives to be serious and horrified at how little others have. That is the time when you and your children can strive to make a difference.

That is just so hard for a 4 year old.
At 3 they start (start) parallel playing - ie understanding that other kids want to play the same as them. Little kids are by default self centred. Quite honestly they could not give a stuff about other klds (especially mythical kids in other countries without sufficient food- what does that mean? No broccoli?)

Kids need to be sheltered from the awfulness of the bigger world until their emotions mature. My 7 year old has asked who Hitler was- i said a bad man who did not like lots of people and imprisoned them. I will leave the awfulness of Holocaust details until she will not have nightmares.

I feel so sorry for your child, missing out on a carefree selfcentred childhood.

I am on/have been on both sides of this story.

My aunt told us Santa was a lie when I was about four as she felt it wrong to lie. Each Christmas after... she gave us a choice we could open our present or give it to poor child. My parents had to tell us about the Holocaust as soon as we were old enough to understand my Granpa history. But they went further and gave me a copy of when the wind blows for my 8th b/day.

My girls had the worse start in life possible at 5 and 3 when they came to us they had lived through Hell on Earth and knew Christmas only happen to other people.

The only person who had ever given them a gift was the school santa and a social worker.

They were overwhelmed the first year. Last year was better. This year they are confident Santa is coming and can't wait. They know enough about the real world to not believe but they have learnt there is good in the world and that Christmas does happen to them. I will work as hard as I can to make December as special as I can do for as long as they let me.

I am genuinely shocked by the response to this post. The cries that his childhood have been ruined and that he's going to be miserable because he's been burdened with the poverty of others. We have no idea how she actually explained this.

Christmas is magical and special time and it can be just as magical without truly believing in Santa. If the OP has handled this with sensitivity (Some children don't have presents at Christmas because they don't have enough money. And leave it at that.) then there's no burden to that and she's helping him to make Christmas more special for others.

My LO is 2 and his parents both have jobs which need explaining in a highly sensitive way. Does that mean I don't tell him where Mummy and Daddy go everyday? Does that mean I tell him something vague and then, at 4 when he asks me more I don't say anything!? I genuinely would like to know.

The Holocaust and terrorism sound a bit OTT but we don't know why these have been broached. Perhaps he heard something about the war or 9/11 and OP explained (in what appears to be very simple terms). She knows him best and knows how much information he can handle.

Can we all give her a break and stop name-calling when we have no idea what has actually been said to this little boy.

Well, she knows her son and what she said and waited for "his heart to break". she knew she had said enough for ...that .