AIBU to say something or not?

[VitoCorleone]

My mother has told me she wont be watching my kids anymore for me, because she's 'not well enough' she 'has a bad back'

She's the only person that we have, nobody else to help us if we get stuck.

Anyway, she's at my house every day, absolutely fine, she's just told me she's going on a shopping trip tomorrow, so obviously her back isn't that bad, the fact of the matter is she just cant be arsed actually doing anything for anyone else - but she'll happily come here and drink endless cups of tea every day. I'm actually fuming.

DP has always said she's lazy and selfish and i agree. I'm struggling to bite my tounge here. AIBU?

You are your children's mother. Your own mother is not their mother. She has raised you and now she wants to take it easy. Fair enough.
Your children are your children. You can feel very tired at 50 (believe me)!!
How often does she look after your children - how many are there, how old are they? Does she have to do the same for any other grandchildren?
YABVU - she's probably exhausted, and wanting to do something for herself.
Sort yourself out

Sorry - I do this all the time. I read the first page, post, then reload only to find there are loads of other posts I've missed.

Ignore my last "advice" for now until I've caught up
Sorry, sorry, sorry

This thread is full of contradictions from the op. Why would you even want someone like this alone with your DC?
You say she's violent -then say she's only mentioned 'giving you a hiding' in a text and you don't believe that.
Your DM calls round everyday, won't prearrange a visit and expects you to be there and provide her with tea for hours at a time, - but you work different times everyday and don't know in advance what you're working.
Sounds like drip feeding to me. YABU

OK, have read through the entire thread! (Disclaimer - skim-read, not necessarily entirely thoroughly, so may have missed something, and I am honestly confused). My first post stands, a per pro the Opening Post. Lots of people manage to raise children with absolutely no help at all.

Reading through again, because I'd missed stuff regarding your Mum - if she is as violent and hot-tempered as you claim, then surely you wouldn't want her to look after your children. You should be the one refusing to allow it, in that scenario.

Either way, it would probably be best if you sorted out other arrangements. If it were me, I would neither want to impose upon my own Mum for babysitting arrangements under normal circumstances if she was reluctant, nor allow her to be in the company of my children if she was violent (actually, that contact would be actively forbidden).

I still confess to being a bit bewildered, it has been a bit like a jigsaw puzzle, fitting all the little pieces in place. Apologies if I've misunderstood.

YABU - she doesn't owe you babysitting, but by the same token you don't owe her just because she gave birth to you so if you want to stop having her round for endless cups of tea/doing her favours, that is your prerogative.

I suppose you'll have to hire child care, as she no longer wants to do it. My own mum (now deceased...before ds was born) shocked me when I got engaged, she told me if we had kids she did not want to be child minder. That she'd love baby, babysit occasionally, and be the best grandma, but did NOT want o be child minder!

I was shocked! I didn't even think it even possible for me to get pregnant. I frankly was offended...not for the lack of free child care, but just the way she laid it all out for me.

Now that ds is 13, I totally understand! I have absolutely no intention of ever providing free child care for any grandchildren ever, either! Of course ds is only 13, but he already knows this!

I think she is well within her rights and I frankly don't blame her at all. If one has children, they are your responsibility, not any one else's.

She doesn't have to help obviously but help goes both ways.

As far as dentist and dr. appointments, I didn't have any support either. I scheduled them either before hours or evenings when dh could look after them. Barring that I hired a child minder or brought ds with me (yes, to the dentist. He sat on the side and I was done in a few minutes).

No, i don't know what days off i have every week to make plans, i do however know if I'm doing a day shift or a night shift as i work around my DP, meaning i know when i will be home but DP wont be here as he's on the opposite shift. I do not know if, for example i will be off work on Monday so cant make any appointments.

Have a think about that before you try to make me out to be a liar, thanks