AIBU to say something or not?

[VitoCorleone]

My mother has told me she wont be watching my kids anymore for me, because she's 'not well enough' she 'has a bad back'

She's the only person that we have, nobody else to help us if we get stuck.

Anyway, she's at my house every day, absolutely fine, she's just told me she's going on a shopping trip tomorrow, so obviously her back isn't that bad, the fact of the matter is she just cant be arsed actually doing anything for anyone else - but she'll happily come here and drink endless cups of tea every day. I'm actually fuming.

DP has always said she's lazy and selfish and i agree. I'm struggling to bite my tounge here. AIBU?

What do you mean by "a hiding"?

I mean she'd beat my arse

Why would you even want someone you think can turn violent looking after you child?

She'd hit you?

She sounds selfish and violent! Don't let her look after your kids. Infact maybe you should get out more and have some space away from her.

I was initially going to say that its unreasonable to expect mother to babysit but the more I read, the more awful she sounds.

Perhaps she is finding the difficult 2 year old too much? What kind of child can't be taken out at all and just watches cartoon? What are you going to do when it is school time? I blame the parents!

I think increasing number of GP's are feeling the strain of being available for childcare for our generation - they mostly had their time away from work, ess career opportunities etc ....I heard this mentioned on tv last week.

I heard a GP moaning about her child care arrangements, as they DD had asked about elping out with a possible second child and they were aying they didnt feel they could do it all over again to the same extent.

However only you kn ow if you DM is being selfish or not but she may just not want to - hard to bare financially if you've had a cheaper childcare option but it's up to you to sort it.

Agree, don't let someone you feel has is likely to turn violent look after your dc.

She doesn't sound very interested or supportive of you OP so better to cut your loses and get used to the fact that you can't rely on her.

It works both ways though, you shouldn't have to tolerate her coming round to sit about your house if you don't want or invite her.

There is no way to tell her that she isn't invited to my house, i once asked her if she could text DP sick of hearing instead of just calling by unannounced every fucking day and she didn't speak to me for over a month, because she doesn't need to check if I'm in, she should be allowed to show up whenever she likes, regardless of the fact i may be busy etc she gave birth to me, she can do what she likes don't you know

I just think its a real cheek, she's jealous to death of MIL, i bet any money she would throw a hissy fit if MIL watched the kids for an hour instead of her.

She also doesn't like me having friends, because if I'm at a friends house then she cant come to mine, i get texts asking where i am and kicking off that I'm not in and "you knew id be coming round"

That's not even a joke, in fact ive posted on here before about her kicking off that i wasn't in, and threatening to beat me up when i dared stand up to her

Sorry if i came across as nasty but this is the only place i can vent about her (DP sick of hearing it)

I'm actually a very polite person in real life btw, just need to get stuff off my chest at times

YABVVVU, they are your kids, you have to take responsbility., Fair enough in and emergency or you want a night out, but to expect it on a regular basis is not on. There are other options out there CM, nursery or be a stay at home parent.

Mabey that's an excuse because she doesn't want to anymore, and that is her right.

Reading further, it does sound like she is really hard work, mabey tell her not to come as often, if she gets upset and distances herself, that's a good thing.

Your children are your responsibility. Any help from anyone else is a bonus, not a right.

Although having read your most recent post, I can see why you might feel the need to vent. I think some distance from your Mum and some boundaries would be good for everyone.

I think you live your life as you want. Go out or stay in and if that results in her beating you up, call the police. Stop acting like such a door mat. Maybe her being NC is actually healthier for you and your kids.

It's a shame but I would just draw a line under it and be thankful you have had babysitting up to now. My parents looked after my 5 and 7yo for an evening (bedtime onwards) last week and it was the first time in 2 years. I would love it if they wanted to do this more often and it does make me sad but they aren't obliged to! So I was just very grateful that we had one child free evening.

Well that will teach me for not RTFT. Sorry OP

NC sounds healthier for all of you TBH.

The relationship you have with her isn't normal. I don't know anyone who is scared their mother will hurt them. All the mothers I know text/phone to ask if adult daughters are in. If they pop by without warning they take the chance the adult daughter might be out but that's not a problem.

Oh dear, your last post puts a new light on things! OP, I wouldn't let her watch my children if I were you! She sounds slightly unhinged! The thought that an adult woman would threaten physical violence like that? Frankly, I think that if you can't set her some boundaries, you should tell her to stay away from you and yours!

I suspect mother has some mental health issues but that doesn't mean you have to accept poor treatment. Text her and say that you have a few things on and please can she text to check you are free before coming over. If she takes the huff, so be it.

Harsh criticising op for not taking 2 year old to docs. You would take them to get coil inserted or implant put in? What about for a filling?

I know slithytove i can just imagine my 2 year old sitting like a good boy in the dentists for 40 mins while i get a root canal he's bad enough when i take him to the docs with me to get my depo and that takes a couple of minutes.

fair enough in an emergency or if you want a night out
Erm that's exactly what I'm talking about, when its a bit of an emergency, and i haven't had a night out in 5 years so i wont hold my breath on that one.

I'm not asking her for free childcare every day when i go to work, I'm asking for on the odd occasion. I had to pay her £20 last time she watched them for more than an hour

VitoCoreone are you seriously saying that your mother threatens to beat you, and that you believe she would do it? If this is the case then it's better that she doesn't look after your DC!! Does she speak to you like this, and behave in the ways you're describing when your children are there? I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect you mum to look after your DC occasionally for appointments etc. Most grandparents would expect this to be the norm and enjoy the time with the children. Obviously if she had other arrangements or is ill, then that's a different matter. To say she'll never look after them again seems a bit extreme if she has a bad back? Surely she could still sit with them at home for an hour in an emergency?! However, as I said. If she's a volatile as you describe then I'd question whether she's a positive influence on your DC and try to find alternative arrangements.