you dont take 5 yo to the water gardens and tell them that all the fish swimming are what goes in fish fingers

[livingonalayline]

I'm raging at my ex dh, he took our 5 yo to the water gardens yesterday.

Nice day out I thought. So I serve up fish fingers and veg for lunch but now dd refuses to eat them as she liked all the koi and that in the water gardens.

I'm so angry, I've got a fussy eater and this was one of my fool proof healthy dishes!

What does your DD eat? YOu said that she had fish fingers and veg why could you still not give her the veg?

I think it is important to know where food comes from, we raise our own lamb and pork and buy beef from a friend. If they decided not to eat meat then it's not a big issue. At 5 she really should know where her food comes from.

Equally explain to her that it's not the koi carp that go into fish fingers but other fish. See what her reaction is then.

Surely the word 'fish' in 'fish fingers' is a big enough clue to any child what they contain?

I think you are over reacting. My dd choses not to eat meat ( will eat fish ) as she loves animals too much, she has always known what she is eating and where it has come from.

Tbh I think it us a bit off to try and influence food provided in another parents household(unless allergies or neglect type food issues are involved).
If he dealt that strongly about the matter it would be perfectly reasonable for him to provide a vegan diet when she is with him but not when with you.

Telling a child the source of food is not a bad thing it is something I would encourage but I wouldn't want those messages to be passed on in a "its dreadful" or "look at the cute xyz they are so lovely why eat them" way. Unless both parents were in agreement about the matter.

did the father try and influence food needs? we don't even know what was said, only that the DD liked the fish she saw and didn't want to eat fish fingers. Op hasn't been back to clarify what exactly was said by her exdh. certainly no indication that he was trying to influence the girl's diet.

Show her this then ;)

maddy68 I don't know what OP thinks, or what her arrangements are, but I think that my values are absolutely more important that my ex - my DC's dad's - values, as I'm the one who looks after our DC day to day. I'm the one to has to shop for, cook, serve and clean up after 20 of the 21 meals a week, and so if ex did anything to make providing those meals more difficult, I'd be livid.

ArcheryAnnie if your ex turned veggie or vegan he would give your DC food accordingly during contact. If they preferred it and wanted to do the same full-time you could of course say no, and there would be problems, but that does not mean that he could not do so.

If she came away thinking that the pretty koi were raw fish fingers then its not much of a stretch to think he did.

YABU. (Though I understand the depression when a food-avoidant child stops eating one of the few things s/he would eat reliably.)

(As a side note, I think the aggressively pushy vegans who attempt to browbeat everyone they come into contact with are as mythical as the gay man who comes onto every straight man he meets. I'm vegetarian, never raise it with other people, but have often ended up being harassed at dinner parties by slightly drunk, belligerent people who seem to think my mere presence is some kind of reproach. When I have been happily discussing the price of coal over my mushroom lasagne.)

yeah it really is a bit of a stretch to think that a child being told that fish fingers come from fish means that the person who told her is trying to influence her diet.

she is 5, I have one of those, their imaginations run away with them and often follows a very literal path. I can easily see how a conversation about fish fingers being made of fish (possibly not even occurring at the time they were looking at the fish) could translate to a child as ALL fish become fish fingers and so she thought the pretty koi were what she was being asked to eat.

I think every child should visit a slaughter house and see animals being killed than cut up, or as sometimes happen being cut up when still alive.

Eating meat or fish involves killing a living being and if children eat them they should know how the food got on their plate. We might end up with s generation of vegetarians but I ask if that would be a bad thing?

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't tell their children what tbey're eating.

I don't think I or my DC would like to visit an abbatoir.

this country couldn't sustain a nation of vegetarians. we don't have anywhere near enough land to sustain the country without meat. so er, yeah that would be a bad thing. as would having children seeing animals being cut to pieces whilst still living.

Perhaps there could be a school trip to the abbatoir, they could take a packed lunch and everything. properly show the children where their food comes from.

Oh, bad mummy alert: 3yo DS eats Peppa Pig and cheese sandwiches

surely no need to bring a lunch if they are going to the abattoir?

Ooh yes, Cats good point.

catsabastard, this nation, if your talking about the uk, could totally sustain a nation of vegetarians!

Seriously? Your five year old has only just realised there are fish in fish fingers? Or did she not know what fish was before? Either way that's some basic knowledge she is lacking.

agog @ fishfingers = healthy..more like deluded

Actually is this not just as much about your exDH meddling, do you think he did it on purpose or was he just being a thoughtless dick?

OP..I sympathise. I have a child who is very awkward over what she eats. (issues actually caused by undiagnosed reflux and associating food with pain). While I agree children do need to learn where their food comes from, when you have a child with a limited diet then "normal" ideas can not always follow, as getting them to eat is important. The stress when someone tells her something that makes her drop yet another food is just awful So, although we may be in a a very small minority here amongst all those people with "eat anything" children, YANBU in my book to be frustrated.

catsarebastards I'm a meat eater but I am well aware that raising meat is a wasteful use of land.