you dont take 5 yo to the water gardens and tell them that all the fish swimming are what goes in fish fingers

[livingonalayline]

I'm raging at my ex dh, he took our 5 yo to the water gardens yesterday.

Nice day out I thought. So I serve up fish fingers and veg for lunch but now dd refuses to eat them as she liked all the koi and that in the water gardens.

I'm so angry, I've got a fussy eater and this was one of my fool proof healthy dishes!

OP, why would you not want your DD to know that fish fingers are made of fish? Not koi carp, but other fish. She's 5, she should know by now.

Its unfortunate for you that its caused problems with eating at home. But really she was always going to find out at some point (presumably she attends school?). What does she eat normally when shes with her Dad. Lots of kids go through a veggie phase, she hasn't yet but if she does it won't be the end of the world.

Given the rubbish that goes into some fish fingers, nutritionally, they might be all the better if made from koi carp.

However, I think you are over-reacting a bit here. If your dd is old enough to understand, and be put off by the idea of ornamental fish being made into fish fingers then she's old enough for a sensible conversation about where food comes from and in particular, the fact that the fish she saw will not be made into fish fingers.

The longer you put off certain truths about food, the more problems you are likely to have. If your dd chooses not to eat meat and fish as a result of a truthful discussion then that's not the end of the world either.

Ex dh did tell a downright lie about that

What did he say exactly? Do you know?

Also, even if he did say "these koi go into fish fingers"

All you have to do is say "well fish fingers are made from fish, but not koi fish"

You could even let her read the back of the box to see for herself that it is a different type of fish.

You really are making far more out of this than is needed.

What rubbish goes into 100 % fish fish fingers then?

LTB.

Oh wait.

What rubbish goes into 100 % fish fish fingers then?

Well more than fish, obviously. They don't just lie there all flaccidly fish-like and naked do they?

"You really are making far more out of this than is needed."

Precisely. It's really not a big deal at all as far as I can see.

Op I can understand your frustration, but I agree with others that what your ex said wasn't such a big thing. Fussy eating aside, fish fingers ARE made from fish (though obv. not koi), meat comes from animals etc

I'm surprised you made it to age 5 without explaining where food comes from, to be honest.

This is the second thread in a few weeks with an op of 'fishfingers are healthy'. Well, yes, the fish inside is/was. The 60% coating? - not so much.,

Sorry OP, but I really want a fish finger sandwich now

It does get a bit of getting your head round but they have to eventually!

My 4yo likes to go to the fish counter in the supermarket and actually see the dead fish, it fascinates her that we eat them and she asks loads of questions like why don't we eat the head etc.

Face it head-on.

I do understand your irritation with your ex if he's pushing her to be a vegan, when he only has to provide he with one meal a week (or whatever) when he sees her, and the daily diet is up to you.

But... fish fingers, as everyone else has said, are made from fish. She should really know that.

Why don't you stock up your freezer with (good quality) veggieburgers and veggie fingers for when you want to do an easy meal, then you can serve exactly the meal you wanted (breaded thing with veg on the side), and she had no excuse not to eat it! There are several brands of "fishless fingers" (made with seitan or soya, and pretty tasty, with the same kind of mouthfeel as minced fish) on the market.

(Oh, and when my DS was that age, the only way he'd eat fish was as a dish I called "fish-with-a-face", where the whole fish inc head, tail and fins was cooked in foil, put on a plate and we'd eat around the skeleton...)

I'm quite surprised that a five year old didn't make the connection between FISH fingers and fish....

I'm vegetarian and I'm completely ok with the fact my husband took 4 yr old fishing while sailing, killed the mackerel and then she proudly brought the fish home and helped gut it, and eat it. It's a fact of life. She understands that I don't eat meat but that others do, and that it's better if the animal is humanely killed and only the right amount is caught to avoid waste.

YABU. You sound like you think it's ok to eat meat as long as you don't have to confront the reality of what it is you're eating.

It is just possible that the OP is a bit miffed that her fussy eater now has another meal they won't eat.
If you have a fussy eater, and some meals they don't object to, to have one crossed off the list is horrible for whatever the reason.

Massive over reaction. Why are your values more important than your exs?

She will hear his views about food, the same as she wil hear yours and every other view she will hear on TV, school. Friends etc.

I've given both my DCs the same meals and (I think) had the same attitude with them both of 'that's what's for dinner, eat it or don't, but thats all there is'. One eats more or less anything, the other is a very fussy eater. So I understand OP, and it's probably not something you've done, kids just choose different ways to feel as though they have a bit of control. FWIW I bet your DD will grow out of it. Just try not to let her know it's bothering you (easier said than done I know!)

I agree with others that children should know where their food comes from. My DS decided to become veggie once he understood how animals are kept and killed (he was older than your DD) but DD also knows and still happily eats it. So I guess it depends on the child how they'll feel about it.

A similar thing happened with my MIL telling DS how they sort male and female chicks and kill the males because they don't lay eggs. I think it's important for kids to know, but the way she told him, and the fact that she knows he's really sensitive to that kind of thing, made me really annoyed with her. He was really upset about it for ages.

So I guess I'm on the fence! I think kids should know where all their food comes from, but I can see why you're upset about your ex telling her.

Just googled birds eye did fish fingers to have a look.

Just fish and breadcrumbs and some oil. Same as if I made them myself. What's the problem?

as a mum of an 8yo with eating issues related to special needs (he only eats about 20 acceptable food stuffs) i can totally sympathise.

i think your issue is in using the word 'fussy'

my son isn't 'fussy' hes food avoidant.

If anyone, did anything to remove one of my sons limited acceptable foods from his diet i would go absolutely nuclear, and did do (politely of course) at the school after one of their 'healthy eating' talks turned ds off cordial (he now only drinks plain water).

IF your Ex knows your dd has food issues, then he is a Grade A fucking dickhead quite frankly!

Has she never been shopping with you?

Aside from 'proper' shops like butchers and fishmongers and delis with their distinctive appearances, shop window displays and smells, even supermarkets have fish and meat and deli counters, maybe it's time you explained what all the things they sell on there actually are.

I think YA (probably) BU but it's hard to tell without context.

I told DS at about 4 or 5 that meat is animals. It didn't bother him in the slightest. I think he'd worked it out from Minecraft anyway. He is still a really fussy eater but this didn't affect that.

If your XH is an extreme pro vegan and he told her in an unnecessarily graphic or upsetting way then that would be unreasonable, although not much you can do.

Likewise if the food issues are extremely severe rather than normal small child fussiness then I would understand your distress, but other than that, slightly annoyed yes, absolutely enraged no, total overreaction.

My just four year old nephew knows exactly where his meat comes from. He is under no apprehensions that the cows that daddy raises won't stay on the farm to give milk and that most of the boy calves will go away to be made into meat or leather to make shoes and bags. He isn't phased by it. He sometimes asks what animal died to give this meat, if it isn't beef, and we see no reason to tell him anything but the truth.

I do get that it must be difficult if you have a restrictive eater for whatever reason, but to be furious with someone for telling the truth as to origins of food is a bit of an over reaction, surely?