you dont take 5 yo to the water gardens and tell them that all the fish swimming are what goes in fish fingers

[livingonalayline]

I'm raging at my ex dh, he took our 5 yo to the water gardens yesterday.

Nice day out I thought. So I serve up fish fingers and veg for lunch but now dd refuses to eat them as she liked all the koi and that in the water gardens.

I'm so angry, I've got a fussy eater and this was one of my fool proof healthy dishes!

Well I think your ex is being unreasonble for trying to push being a vegan on everybody especially an impressionable five year old but she does have to learn where food comes from .

He should butt out of sharing his beliefs with his children?

It's veganism, not beastiality!

How do you know he told her that the koi become fish fingers? You have said that in your title but not in the OP. Your DD said SHE didn't want to eat them because SHE liked the koi she had seen. No mention of anything her father had said.

End of the day she is wrong regarding the fish breed/type that goes in to fish fingers but it is still fish.

YABU to blame your ex.

She really should know that meat is animals.

When DS was 3 we were in a farm and when he saw the pigs he said "look mummy, they will be nice sausages" - I got Daggers from another family who obviously didn't want their children knowing that animals are where meat comes from.

Children need to understand where food comes from. Nothing wrong with telling them.

www.vbites.eu/food/products/134-fish-style-fingers-215g

There you go OP.

When exactly were you planning on letting her know that meat and fish were once living things? I'm a meat eater and knew the connection from an early age. Isn't this something all parents have to deal with? Would you be as annoyed if you were still with her dad and he'd told her?

Ex dh has turned vegan and keeps trying to push it onto everyone,

Ahh! So this is your issue- that he is vegan and sharing that with your daughter. You dont want him talking her out of eating meat. However, he may feel the same about you talking her into eating meat. He isnt doing anything wrong by telling her where fish fingers come from (except the koi bit).

Something happened to me when i was a pre schooler and i suddenly stopped eating everything excpet cereal. My mum fretted, had me at GP, paediatrician etc. put loads of pressure on me to eat stuff that made me gag. it was awful. it was made into such a huge issue i felt like a freak. everyone i knew referred to me as the fussy eater- it defined me. i gradually started eating more things, like chips (but only certain kinds) sausages, soup. But i got to about 10 years old and my mum realise that i was actually pretty healthy, was never sick and appeared not to be suffering for my lack of healthy diet. She relaxed massively and took the pressure off me to try new things. I started wanting to try different things off my own accord, it was under my control. And guess what i'm now a completely healthy adult (always was anyway) with a mostly normal diet. Please dont make food issues with your child. It really does create a lifelong legacy and is totally unnecessary. Your child will be fine without fish fingers. She wont starve herself. Let her control what she eats and you'll find she is far more likely to create a varied diet for herself that she wants to eat. The long term damage food issues cause is really not worth it just so you can tick off carrots from your list for the week.

Sorry OP, YABU. Much better for children to know from the start where their food comes from.

I can't believe a 5yo doesn't know this already. dd was about 3.5 when she walked over to the fish cabinet and said with a worried face 'are those fish ok?'

She seemed shocked for about 24 hours then went into 'look after number 1' mode.

OP I have a fussy eater and a vegan DH to boot. My fussy eater decided she was vegetarian aged 9 and it was a total pain in the arse. But I went with it....served her a LOT of beans and pulses and greens and let her get on with it.

Three months down the line she was starving and ate meat again. My 6 year old also understand where meat comes from due to my DH telling them....made no difference to her after an initial YUK....she got over it.

She's seen strings of hares being brought in by a man locally...we told her they were destined to be eaten...kids are more resilient than you imagine.

Don't fuss about it.

Yabu and you do not have the final say about what her father tells her. Did you really think she wouldn't find out at some point. Pandering to her fussy ways isn't going to sort out her eating habits. Being open and honest about food, trying new things and letting her have more input into her meals would help her.
She didn't just wake up a fussy child eating jam on toast, it was what was the least amount of a fuss that you decided to stick with.

This Please don't make food issues with your child YABVU

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There is a very horrible undertone here from a few people blaming me for her food issues when you have no idea what I have been through and tried!

OK I'm not getting anyone agreeing with me,but the rare exotic pretty fish are not what goes into fish fingers. Ex dh did tell a downright lie about that

But it's not YOU who's going through it. It's her, is she healthy ? Children can get by with lot less food than adults think. If she eats fruit and veg. she'll be fine if she doesn't. then give her lovely smoothies with vitamin supplements in them.

Our DD refused most food at the age of 18 months and up, it passed because I didn't say anything negative or positive about her meals.

Well no, they aren't. You're right there.

As a result of reading this thread, I have just informed ds1 (3yo) that piggies are turned into sausages, cows into beefburgers and fish into fishfingers. Thanks for the nudge towards telling him the truth about where food comes from

Well I'd be annoyed too. But only because fish fingers are not made of Koi.

My children know where their food comes from. Ds1 is vegetarian as a result!

Why don't you just clarify what fish go into them then? ' dd, daddy is right that fish do get eaten and some turned into fishfingers. However there are many different type of fish. Koi fish as you saw are not generally for eating so the one you saw are still swimming around. However we do eat many types of fish like tuna/ trout/ salmon/ cod/ etc etc'
Show her pictures of the fish we eat and she will see most are huge! Not something found in a decorative pond

Even fruits and vegetables, bread, rice, ice cream and everything get explained here. Either where they come from/ or how they grow/ etc.

Ds's know that rice for example generally comes from Asian countries like china/ India. Reason being temperature and monsoon climates. Hence why many asiannpeople eat rice as staple diet. Etc etc. They are 3 and 4. It's just a normal conversation that might come up one mealtime or during dinner prep

Presumably she ate the vegetables? Your choice to feed her bread and jam.
Your ex is her father and can tell her fish fingers are made from fish if he wants to.

YAB very U! Very silly for a five year old not to know what fish fingers are! Also, you might disagree with your ex's lifestyle choice but it's his child too and he's entitled to share it with her.

And I agree with Art
Nothing to stop you explaining this.

As i understand it, you have to be really hungry before you start eating or ornamental Koi. So definitely tell her he was wrong about that.

But she should know the truth.

PS. My five year old already knows what meat is but is covering it at school at the moment.

Teach your DD to say "pull the other one, it's got bells on" whenever her dad makes this sort of stupid joke.

At 5yo, she should be able to tell him he is being daft and that the fish in fishfingers come from the sea not an ornamental pond.