To say where MIL's are concerned there two sides to a story?

[MiddletonPink]

There seems to be an abundance of mil threads again on here.

I don't believe that every single mnetter is virtuous and without some blame in the breakdown of her relationship with her mil.

Some posters would do well to think about that and also remember that one day you are likely to be that hateful woman

In Italy you always call your mil by the formal "you", even if you have known her 30 years. [I'm sure someone will tell me this isn't the case any more, but I do believe it to be.]

And I think this slight distancing, the formality does sum up a mil/dil relationship. With currygate, if your own mother said, "Do you want to come over for Chinese?" you might reply no, I couldn't face another Chinese this week, or God no thanks, can we have something else? or If I see another Chinese this year I'll puke etc etc. No way would I say any of that to a mil. You'd have to dance round it or get dh to say something but certainly not a normal familial interaction.

I have the most wonderful MIL, and I hope to be like her when I finally become one.

Sadly my DH has the worst MIL in the world....I do feel sorry for him (and me, seeing as it is my mother)

I think Brenda's made a good point, different levels of behaviour are somehow 'expected' from ILs and then this can lead to all sorts of msiunderstandings.

My own mother (who is over 80) was outraged recently because SIL offered to make a pot of tea and serve it whilst visiting - my DM felt she was 'over stepping the mark' - I had to point out that if I (her daughter) offered to make the tea she wouldn't have thought it was rude at all. She grudgingly admitted that I was right .

Eh, there are two sides to every story, doesn't mean that they both have to be right. My MIL is passive aggressive as hell and shoves her nose in far too much. We lived with them for the first 3 months of DS's life and I don't think I'll ever like her as much as I did before. "Accidentally" calling herself DS's mummy, getting him to lick boiled sweets, grabbing him off me constantly and ruining my bonding with him.

Even now when we visit I am always the person who holds him the least. And it always has to be at their's, just because. Now it's "you'll have to use contraception after this one" (both babies were planned, and contraception is how I didn't get knocked up before we wanted them) and "you don't need to have another baby after this one, people don't need three kids nowadays" (MIL had three kids in the 80s and 90s, I guess that was when people needed to have 3 kids because of the high infant mortality rate and the need for someone to work the farm when the parents got too old, lol.)

It's got to the point where it affects mine and SO's relationship because I feel that he should be the one to say something as she's his mum but he "didn't hear" the digs she made, or "doesn't remember" that unsafe thing she did with DS in front of him. Bullfuckingshit, he doesn't want to deal with it. Oh well, we'll see if she can behave herself on Friday - if not, pregnancy hormones might kick in and scorch the earth a bit.

I think it is often both sides at fault.
For some reason, women seem to compete for the feelings of their son/husband.
Mothers cannot let go enough and new wives see the MiL as a threat too.

My MiL was overbearing and controlling so I overreacted from the start, determined she was not going to get the better of me.
We were in some sort of struggle over who DH should take most notice of!!
One day she even said ( in my hearing) that she never felt I was good enough for her son!
We never got on - although my children adored her.

Looking back I can see exactly where I was at fault. I anticipated problems and this affected all my interactions with her.
After I divoreced my husband, my MiL was far nicer to me! I think she was afraid I would keep the children away from her,..which I would never have done. I feel sad that she would fear that!

If I could go back, I would have been far more mature about it and bit my tongue and tried to be more friendly. After all,..me and her son split up - but she was his mother until the day she died.

My MIL was the best ever, a real lady. From the day my now DH brought me home to meet her, she welcomed me with open arms. Sadly she died seven years ago and didn't see myself and DH marry and have our two beautiful babies who look so much like their Daddy. Miss her every day.

True Brenda we have the same formal "you" in France. When DH and I got married, DPIL offered me to switch to the casual one but it took me years to take the courage to call them that and yes I wouldn't dare talk to them the same way I talk to DM, even though they are really nice and friendly to me.

WARNING

Another fecking zombie thread.

In your heeaaad in your heaaad
Zombie zombie zombie ee ee

Sorry drinking Retsina and wondering why somebody resurrects a thread from 2014 ffs.
Start your own.
Yassas!

sorry, will NC now to try and escape the shame