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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have no sympathy for my boyfriend over work.

58 replies

Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 10:05

He is a nice guy but he us doing my head in.
He didn't work till the age of 30. He is educated, has a private school education, but had a lot of money so had no need to work.

He started working and has been doing the same job for the last 4 years. He works 4 days a week. Has no dependents, no pets or responsibility.

He usually works core hours 9-6 ish but with xmas coming up the hours have all changed. Some days he is starting at 7 but will finish at 3. Some days start at 2 and finish at 11.

He has not stopped complaining about it.

He sent me a text this morning saying ' fuck this' at 630 am. I had already been awake for 30 mins at that point and was getting out of the shower. I get up at that time everyday, have done for years.

I have friends and family that work 12 hour shifts and have to juggle children and a home too.

And just want to tell him to man up.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 14/11/2014 10:08

I'm not sure I could put up with that. It sounds like having another entitled child!

Only1scoop · 14/11/2014 10:09

Would drive me mad....

Yes he does need to get a grip

Kewcumber · 14/11/2014 10:09

At the very least I would tell him very bluntly to stop moaning to you about what you have had to do for years and probably will do for years more. Tell him it makes him sound like Kevin the Teenager and that isn't very sexy.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 10:14

Phew. I thought I was being mean maybe.

Today I my day off too. I still have to get up then. Have to get dd to school, have a million errands to run, got to do my second job for a few hours. Then I'm working 10 hours tomorrow and 6 on Sunday. Luckily dd is with her dad this weekend.

On his days off he doesn't get up till about lunchtime then just games.

It's annoying me.

Other than that he is a great boyfriend, very supportive. But he is just being lazy.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/11/2014 10:15

Tell him to pick his bollocks up and get on with it.

browneyedgirl86 · 14/11/2014 10:17

Yanbu

Tell him to get a grip!

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 10:19

He just moans about his body clock and not being able to sleep at eat at the right times..

I said, well. Just go to bed then instead of playing your game. And he said that was a waste of an evening. But i said it isn't a waste if he's getting enough sleep.
He is adamant he can't sleep before midnight. I told him he would if he was tired.

I'm always knackered. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat because of this.

OP posts:
carlsonrichards · 14/11/2014 10:22

You already have a child, why do you want an adult one?

Bogeyface · 14/11/2014 10:22

How do you see your future with him? Married? More babies?

As soon as he sniffs being able to give up work, he will. So think long and hard about what you want in your future and whether you would actually get that with this man. I can imagine that as soon as he moved in with you he would suddenly find a reason to not have to work and to be supported by you........

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 10:34

No. He is just a boyfriend and it won't be ever anything more than that.

This being one of the reasons.

He has money (.which he didn't earn) and technically, financially doesn't really need to work. And I'm sure that because he has never had the need he has sort of lost out on the point that people don't tend to do it for fun, they do it because they have to.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 14/11/2014 10:55

Some people do find it harder than others to adjust their body clocks....but I'm afraid that he still sounds, to be kind, completely unaware of how lucky he is.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 11:09

He has no idea.

His brother also doesn't work and neither did his last two ex's so I think to him it's normal to not work.

He just resents the time he has to be there. I do too of course, however, if I don't work we would have nowhere to live and nothing to eat. So, you just get on with it, don't you.

OP posts:
catsmother · 14/11/2014 11:29

YANBU - he sounds like a spoilt brat. It's really insensitive, IMO, to whinge and moan about stuff like this when he's in a privileged position because:

a) he can afford to live by working 4 days a week (most can't)
b) he could afford to live by not working at all (the vast majority can't)
c) he has a job, period (many don't)

If it's all so bloody "beneath" him - which the perpetual complaints seem to suggest he thinks it is - perhaps he'd like to give up his position so that someone who actually needs his job could take his place instead.

Maybe then, if he has an urge to keep busy, he could volunteer some of his precious time to help people far less fortunate than he is. Though somehow I don't expect someone with his outlook would go for something like that ......

As for body clocks, does he realise how many workers live constantly with the negative effects of shift work, rather than it being a temporary blip, and I bet many of those on shiftwork - and in professions where you can't simply go home at the end of your shift if you're dealing with something, e.g. emergency services - work a damn sight harder than he does anyway.

On a personal level this would drive me mad - constant whining to your partner because - OMG - he really doesn't like working much (many don't) sends them a message (the partner) that he is oh-so-much-more-superior than they are. Which isn't a good basis for a relationship obviously.

Sorry to rant on a bit but this sort of tactless arrogance really gets my back up as you can probably tell !

Bogeyface · 14/11/2014 11:45

So he could afford to not work now? Sorry I got the impression that his money had run out so was having to work.

In that case, why is he working?

Not trying to be argumentative but be honest, how many of us would work if we didnt have to? Or certainly if we wanted to keep busy we would volunteer or do a job that didnt involve getting up at 6am if you are not a morning person!

If he doesnt have to work to keep afloat then perhaps he would be happier doing a different job?

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 11:46

Ive literally just said those points to him. That a bit of perspective is needed and that he needs to man up. Its two days a week he has to go in early, ive been getting up at 6:30 since i was 19, and its not that early.

I also said about my mum, aged 57 who worked 70 hours last week ( nhs worker) and that she doesnt like it, but in fact most people dont, they do it because they need to. And, he is lucky that when he comes home he isnt juggling other responsibilites and that from working he has enough money to pay for everything, when there are lots of people working those hours that are strugging to make ends meet.

he called mean and then said i was right and he needs to stop complaining.

OP posts:
JanineStHubbins · 14/11/2014 11:50

Is this the boyfriend with the arsehole of a father? And there was an awful drunken evening?

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver · 14/11/2014 11:50

Probably too late but I'd download one of those world's smallest violin gifs and send / play / impersonate it every time he complains.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 11:51

He obviously doesnt earn much working 4 days a week. Not from that, and, since he had never worked, age 30... he doesnt have the best job as he had no experience in anything at all.

He has investments and things which provide him with an income as well. He hit a rocky patch with them 4 or so years ago and needed to know he had a regular income, and now he mostly likes it and has friends there, apart from when his hours change at christmas.

Ive said about changing job if he hates it so much, but he doesnt really hate it and to be honest, hasnt got experience in anything else, so couldnt do anything else that would be different anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 11:52

Yes, it is him.

I fully know this is doomed and not going to go anywhere now.

I only see him once a week at the moment anyway, due to work, its just a casual boyfriend thing and ill have to end it at somepoint soonish.

OP posts:
googoodolly · 14/11/2014 11:56

Six thirty isn't early anyway, it's a fairly normal time for parents/workers to be getting up. I'm up at half four and that's a killer!

The only thing I sympathise with is his hours. I used to do lates followed by earlies without any real pattern to it, and it's horrible. You can't get into a regular sleeping pattern and it can cause havoc with mealtimes and sleep. You're shattered by 8pm but because the night before you were working at that time, your brain won't shut off.

BUT that's the reality for millions of people and ut's absolutely horrible. It's not fun but it's life, and he needs to shut up whining. If he doesn't need to work, why is he bothering? He obviously doesn't enjoy it.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 12:01

he doesnt even have any lates followed by earlies, or, not without a day off inbetween.

which ive told him.

and yeah, its not early, its a normal time for a lot of people, and, noone likes getting up at that time ( or earlier) and everyone finds it difficult. thats life.

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 14/11/2014 12:04

It's him! Shock
Oh vintage just tell him to fuck right off. Unless he has a golden cock you really don't need him in your life.

PrivatePike · 14/11/2014 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 14/11/2014 12:22

Oh yes I lurked on that thread.

Writing on the wall for more than one reason, isn't it.

To be fair not getting up until lunchtime on your day off if you don;t have kids is neither here nor there. People without children can do what they like. They don't have to live as if they had childrne just because you do.

But moaning about it like a brat to someone who does have to is as irritating as hell.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 14/11/2014 12:27

im still with him because it was a one off. I looked at his other behaviour and he hadnt been like that before and everything else was really great. It still is.

he hasnt done anything even close to that since and has seriously curbed his drinking limits as well.

Course he doesnt have to get up early on his day off, he can do what he likes, as i do, which is why i cant get het up about how he spends his days, but, its the moaning, like a shit, when he has to get up early, the same time i have to get up every damn day, which is pissing me off.

OP posts:
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