Grrrr! Man child husband

[becominglessofalurker]

I know part of this is a little UR but I am really annoyed.
Slight backstory, my lg had tongue tie nd damaged my nipples very badly in the early weeks, so much so that I can still only hand express now that lo is just over 4 months (TMI: If I try to use a pump the open wounds at the base of my nipples weep nd I end up with more of that than milk). Due to this I keep a scolded glass jug next to my bed nd express after every night feed to try to build up my freezer supply.
Because of the bf trouble we have had my husband has been doing pretty much all of the housework so that I can camp out either on the sofa or in bed with lo nd feed constantly (this is cos TT has not been fully sorted out yet).
I am grateful to him but if something isn't done properly it vexxes me.
Anyway, it's 3.30am nd I go to start expressing but after a few squirts I realise the jug has not been cleaned properly nd still has dried milk on from the last time it was used.
WTF!!! How hard is it to clean a jug!?!? So I woke up my husband nd made him go nd wash it.
I know that might have been a little UR as he does have work tomorrow (late shift so can lie in) but aibu to think that it's not hard to have done it right 1st time? He is an adult FFS!

I understand you OP, my DH is useless. He can't be bothered to do anything properly. My dishes frequently need re-washing after he's done them. He tries to complete the job asap and doesn't take any pride in doing it well. Same with most things he does to be honest. Where as i am a 'if a job's worth doing....' sort of a person.

Since when is 4mo a newborn? After 4 months you still need to camp out and let your dh do everything whilst throwing the occasional hissy fit if not up to scratch? Wow. Perhaps take a moment to imagine if the behaviour were reversed. Yabu btw.

I think the other thing is that four months old is not a new baby. Four months old is a kid who will be starting solids in 8 weeks or so and should be learning to sit up and to start being an independent little person. It's insane to be this precious about breastfeeding if it has taken over your lives to this extent. For a start your child needs to be doing more than nonstop feeding now - he/she should be starting to play with toys, to try to roll over, to use his/her hands. Certainly he/she should be being taken for walks outside, sitting supported on your lap and looking around and so on. It's not fair on any child to feed them for months and months using a method which takes all their waking time because they have a physical problem which means they can't do it properly.

A 4 month old is Not a newborn so why are you still indulging in the 'early days sleep deprived' excuse. Yes you do sound very lazy. What are you doing 24/7. Your DH is going to work and still taking care of all the housework. Get off your lazy butt and 'camping out' to get things done to your standard. I still don't understand why you couldn't use anything else instead and deal with it in the morning like a decent person.

Your baby is four months old. Its time to switch to formula. She got all the most important nutrients and I think for your and your husbands mental health you need to make the switch.

Four months of botchy, bleedy, hurting breasts is no way to live with 24/7 expressing. Move on to formula and be happy. Make your DH happy and give him a break as he certainly deserves one and a medal. IMO.

(Sits back and waits to be flamed)

YABU and you have totally lost perspective. I feel for you because expressing is hard work and it sounds excruciatingly painful, but really if it's still this hard after four months, it's not worth continuing.

Four months bf is a great start for your baby. Switch to formula, get your life back and start appreciating your husband again. Good luck.

I don't think a quick poke in the ribs hurts .. its easy to take someone for granted but sometimes you have to pull yourself up.

I do find it amusing how formula is being touted as the easy option though... what a load of bollocks.

Op give your bloke a squeeze and get in with getting that tie snipped. Why hasn't it been done already? I'm also a bit concerned your nipples aren't healing. Are you letting the air get to them as much as possible?

Finally is it really necessary to express? If your baby is feeding all of the time maybe take the pressure off by laying off the expressing for a bit and just nurse instead?

"I do find it amusing how formula is being touted as the easy option though... what a load of bollocks. "

OP is breastfeeding and expressing nonstop and has been for four months. There's no way formula isn't easier than that.

(I've done both.)

I don't think it's necessarily 'time to switch to formula'. I assume breastfeeding is important to you, as you've struggled for this long. If you want to carry on, I think that's great, but you need to push for getting the TT snipped as soon as possible. I have no experience of it, but have seen several people on here say it seems like a miracle cure, and that everything very quickly resolves itself.

The breastfeeding constantly doesn't last forever that's the prize. Knocking up bottles stays consistent.

Yabu however im sure your dh will understand. Sounds like you having a hard time breast feeding and lack of sleep is making the whole situation worse. Do ecco what others have said re ff if its easier for you. Whatever you decide i hope this morning everything is better x

I'm probably doing the wrong thing here by posting again but I just wanted to thank everyone for your honesty (genuinely), but I didn't expect ppl to be quite so harsh.
I don't really want to drag this out but I do want to answer some ppls questions.
No, this is not his first mistake, mistakes are a daily occurance, I don't expect that to change anybody's opinion so pls don't flame me again.
The TT has been snipped once but not far enough back. We are back on the NHS waiting list to see if they will do it. If not we will get it done privately but we will have to travel over 100 miles to do so, nd it will mean me (not husband, as it is my choice not his) giving up anything for Xmas (again not saying this to martyr myself or for sympathy, it just happens to be a fact).
I have no problem with formula nd if that is what worked for you then great but bf is extremely important to me nd my husband.
To the ppl saying I should stop being lazy as bf shouldn't be taking that long, TT means that in order for lo to get enough milk she has to feed pretty much all the time. I am already suffering from PND (again not saying this for sympathy, just a fact as ppl have asked for more backstory) nd FF would devastate me even more.

Are they 'mistakes' from his point of view? I do housework to my standards - not DHs - if he doesn't' like it he can do it himself!

Some people, as hard as they try, still seem to not be able to get things right. I think mistakes like food remnants on supposedly clean things are easy enough to do - I know I've been guilty of that myself a few times and I do make an effort to make sure its all gone. DH used to make quips at me about it, until I found and called him out for doing the same. You've probably been guilty of it yourself before.

Reading your post I think the main issue is that you get vexed when things aren't done to a certain standard, and as kindly as possible I would say that this is your issue, not your DH's. The solution (imo) is either to work on yourself to stop getting upset when standards aren't met (something I'm also working on), or to take full responsibility for any jobs that will vex you if not done to your standard. Try your best not to take it out on your DH though, he sounds lovely. And if you haven't already then an apology to him would be nice.

Ah x-post! My above post still stands but I do think PND makes it more understandable.

Gosh, that is harsh, MidnightScribbler- don't you remember what having a first baby was like? You can look back and cringe at some of the things you said and did! Lack of sleep makes you lose a sense of perspective.

I remember it quite well. And as a single parent, I didn't have someone cleaning my dishes for me, I had to do it myself or it didn't get done. Amazingly, I survived without biting anyone's head off or acting like a twat. Having a baby is not a free pass to do and say whatever you want.

"TT means that in order for lo to get enough milk she has to feed pretty much all the time."
"FF would devastate me even more."

I'm sorry you have PND but you need to realise that this isn't about you. How would you like to be forced to have your food in such tiny portions that you had to spend your entire day eating? And the next day, and the next...and you never ever get to do anything else because you are always hungry so you have to do nothing but eat...

Your daughter needs to have time when she's not feeding in order to start discovering the world around her. Urgently, not in even more weeks when she's had some operation which may or may not help. If you can't provide that with breastfeeding then you need to provide it some other way. Doing this doesn't mean you have failed, it means you're putting your daughter's needs above your wants.

(FWIW, I have had to give a baby formula, after two months, when I would have much preferred to breastfeed him.)

Pnd makes it more understandable but otherwise yabu. He sounds like he is doing his bit. Think you should apologise for waking him for this.

I thinkexpressing for your freezer is unnecessary in the circs.

Tt snip worked for us but it was private. It did heal over a couple of times and key was to massage the area. Katherine Fisher has a good web site re this.

Camping out at 4 months is no life.

Also skylark is right.

I understand you're under a lot of stress. I would try and take a step back and try as hard as you can to be nice first. He sounds like he's being very supportive but this time is stressful for both of you. The one thing that's most important is that you try to be kind to each other.

skylark I don't think that's fair. I have friends who struggled with as severe tongue tie and their babies are toddlers now and perfectly fine. It's the parents' choice, the baby's not missing out.

Is bf really more important than your mental health and your relationship?

I'm all for bf but I genuinely think that in your case you've done enough. I hope this doesn't come across as nasty as it's not how I mean it but... is your baby enjoying having to feed all day just to get enough milk? It sounds exhausting for her as well as you.

Skylark said it better than me.

skylark is spot on.

If this is what bf doing to your family then stop.

Skylark I appreciate your concern but baby is meeting all her markers early