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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Grrrr! Man child husband

146 replies

becominglessofalurker · 14/11/2014 03:57

I know part of this is a little UR but I am really annoyed.
Slight backstory, my lg had tongue tie nd damaged my nipples very badly in the early weeks, so much so that I can still only hand express now that lo is just over 4 months (TMI: If I try to use a pump the open wounds at the base of my nipples weep nd I end up with more of that than milk). Due to this I keep a scolded glass jug next to my bed nd express after every night feed to try to build up my freezer supply.
Because of the bf trouble we have had my husband has been doing pretty much all of the housework so that I can camp out either on the sofa or in bed with lo nd feed constantly (this is cos TT has not been fully sorted out yet).
I am grateful to him but if something isn't done properly it vexxes me.
Anyway, it's 3.30am nd I go to start expressing but after a few squirts I realise the jug has not been cleaned properly nd still has dried milk on from the last time it was used.
WTF!!! How hard is it to clean a jug!?!? So I woke up my husband nd made him go nd wash it.
I know that might have been a little UR as he does have work tomorrow (late shift so can lie in) but aibu to think that it's not hard to have done it right 1st time? He is an adult FFS!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/11/2014 07:17

Waking him up and making him go and wash was a mean thing to do imo.

Then slagging him off so confidently on the Internet makes me wonder how you speak about him and to him IRL.

miniHovis · 14/11/2014 07:25

why didn't you just get up and wash the jug yourself?

your poor husband I feel sorry for him, working ft and doing all the housework while you sit on your arse hand expressing, what would you do if your husband wasn't about? if he say I dunno worked away and you had a 10 week old baby and 3 other kids about? you would have to do your fair share there, that is the reality for lots of people btw, be grateful he is at home and carrying your lazy arse

GloriousGloria · 14/11/2014 07:25

You woke him up to have a go at him because he hadn't washed it properly?!

Switch the roles round what if he woke you up because you hadn't washed a plate properly.
Everybody would be saying you're in an abusive relationship.

I think you're mean, nasty and treating your husband like the house maid!!!

If I was him I'd refuse to wash it all if he can't get it to your standards

LadyLuck10 · 14/11/2014 07:28

Why is he doing all the housework btw? You need to pick up the slack too.

gamerchick · 14/11/2014 07:29

This is true.. If it was a man waking up a woman there would be LTBs all over the shop by now.

Bartlebee · 14/11/2014 07:31

I am feeling sorry for your husband.

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:31

If someone is doing the housework they do it to their own standards. If anyone doesn't like mine there is an obvious answer! I do not have an overseer telling me how I should be doing it!

BastardGoDarkly · 14/11/2014 07:33

Ok, mini take it easy,I don't think op needs an absolute kicking do you?

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:34

It is the old double standards - there would be hell to pay if a man woke a woman to get her to wash a jug to his standards!!
There would be talk of red lights and LTB!

ByTheWishingWell · 14/11/2014 07:36

I meants teats in my last post, DP didn't wash tears.

I think some of the replies have been really harsh- you're sleep deprived, struggling and in pain. Surely we were all a bit unreasonable once or twice in the early days?!

And while your DD 'won't remember' being bf, I very much doubt you chose to bf so that she would remember and thank you for it. You've done really well to get this far, and given her a great start. However you go from here, try to be kind to each other, and try and get a little bit of time while your DD is sleeping to relax together and reconnect.

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:37

I think we are being a bit cruel to OP, but she needs to realise it is just the hard work, worry of a new baby and lack of sleep causing it. YABU but maybe a lot of people would be, given those circumstances where you don't think clearly.

skylark2 · 14/11/2014 07:38

You're obviously shattered, but I imagine he's pretty tired too.

He made a mistake. It happens. Nobody is required to be perfect 100% of the time.

And yes, if bfing is destroying your family life to this extent I would recommend you switch to formula.

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:38

Hope it all looks better in the light of day OP.

Sockstealer · 14/11/2014 07:38

Honestly unless there is more to it that you're not saying yabu, he forgot or made a mistake.

You're having a hard time but you've breast fed for 4 months which is great but you could switch to formula, it's perfectly fine to use and will allow you more time to sleep and do other things.

LadyLuck10 · 14/11/2014 07:40

Yes you're shattered but I would think he would be too, so that's no excuse. Have respect for each other. Especially you.

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:41

Although I am all for breast feeding, you have given a good start - it might be the time to use formula and get calm, loving family life back.

FrontForward · 14/11/2014 07:41

OP is an exhausted mum trying to do the right thing for her newborn. She said she knows she is being U. How about a bit of sympathy with the YABUs.

FrontForward · 14/11/2014 07:42

That's not to the last few posters :)

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:43

I think on the whole they are sympathetic- just happen to be sympathetic to her DH too. They are all shattered.

iamsofuckingfurious · 14/11/2014 07:44

I was so utterly unreasonable about everything in the early sleep deprived days.

The tantrums and crying over nothing at all make me cringe (and laugh) now.

YWU but you know it, and the majority of us have been there at some point when our babies were tiny.

Thanks for you OP, make sure you give your dh a huge hug and an apology this morning, and stop putting yourself under so much pressure. Breast feeding isn't the be all and end all.

rookiemater · 14/11/2014 07:45

It sounds like both you and your DH are exhausted. If this is his first "slip up" in 4 months then you have a very supportive DH indeed.

Is there any way you can get the tt sorted out earlier, DS had one and whilst in the end we didn't get it sorted as due to aditional circumstances I changed to FF, the HV said it was a 2 week wait. Could you afford to go private as I understand it's a very minor operation?

MidniteScribbler · 14/11/2014 07:47

Get off your lazy arse and wash your own damn jug. Having a baby is not an excuse for the world to stop and cater to your every whim, especially not for four months. Your husband has been running himself ragged working FT, cleaning the house, and doing everything so you can 'camp out'. Plenty of people manage to just get on and do what is needed when they have a child. You sound lazy, and you are using your child as an excuse to get away with doing nothing.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/11/2014 07:48

As a DH who was occasionally awoken "to share the misery", YABU a bit. Not much though, because you're knackered, your endocrine system is turning your brain to porridge and HE HASN'T GOT BOOBS SO HE'S A BASTARD.

Chill out. Wait for the teenage years. You'll need him about for that.

Theorientcalf · 14/11/2014 07:48

Don't be a martyr to bf.

(And yes I'm sleep deprived, my 3 month old has a cold).

Mehitabel6 · 14/11/2014 07:51

Gosh, that is harsh, MidnightScribbler- don't you remember what having a first baby was like? You can look back and cringe at some of the things you said and did! Lack of sleep makes you lose a sense of perspective.