to start a TAAT? Do you have decent sex?

[feelingunsupported]

Sorry -TAAT!
I've been reading the 'how often do you have sex?' thread.

The variation is massive and I'm jealous of those having it more than me but only if they're having decent sex!

Dp and I don't have a very good sex life atm - infrequent and unadventurous but we're hoping to sort it out.

Sooo - regardless of frequency, do you have good sex or does everyone eventually fall into the 'quick fiddle then piv routine? '

Sorry to be crude - just wondering what 'normal' is!

Yes! God, loads of new things. You discover the most when you're not trying IME, or when you're trying to drag it out rather than get somewhere fast. Really random stuff - I remember one of my friends when we were teenagers raving about how her boyfriend would touch her wrists. Never does it for me but I've tried it on others and sometimes given the right mood it can be quite electrifying given the response.

sex recovery time

What a great name for a band.
In all my years of shagging I have never had to recover from sex.
Unless you include sobering up or dealing with cramp. [ grin]

I don't know about any of you but I've certainly found that as I've got older a physical attraction it just wanting it isn't enough any more. I need more of a mental connection with someone. If I haven't got that it's just not going to work. Is it possible go have both?

Some orgasms are definitely like that Thumbwitch.

Am I weird for not being able to count them? I go into a sort of trance like state during sex (literally, if this is shattered then it's suddenly mediocre or actually so shit I can't go on) and it's just sort of all good so I can't really tell if I'm coming or not. I know that sounds like "well, you're probably not." but it's not - sometimes if I'm more conscious I can definitely say oh yes, that was one, but most of the time it just blends in.

Also while we're on the subject, can people remember specific times they had sex? Because DH mentioned the other day "That went into the top ten" and I was because it's totally a present thing for me, once it's over it's gone, I won't remember how it felt apart from a vague general notion of how sex feels. Yeah I can remember the situation/place leading up to a shag but I can't remember what it was actually like. Is that weird? He seemed sort of offended

Haha, that would be a great band name. I mean I just need a minute or 2 to catch my breath otherwise I think I will suffocate .

I've found alcohol actually stops me having as many orgasms and makes it up an uphill battle to achieve one.

I remember my one and only multiple orgasm, and some of the really bad ones but that's probably it!

I can't do it without a mental connection Giles. I find the physical attraction stems from the mental connection, though. Or that's the only way I can explain it because I distinctly remember thinking DH wasn't very good looking until I suddenly one day decided he was hot and now can't see anything else, but am sort of vaguely aware that he would never be a global sex symbol.

Oh good, I'm not weird then

I used to be able to. Enough alcohol or boredom and if I get like it I could. And there didn't need to be anything more to it.

I've had the head over heels rip your clothes off kind and I've had the settle down I guess this is what it's meant to be kind. But never the completely In synch mental and physical Connection kind. Nothing where if then sex was removed we'd have anything to talk about kind.

I love sex. It has got better and better over the years. We have got so comfortable and confident with each other that we can ask for what we what, we've got a lot more adventurous and much less inhibited.
Quantity varies. 4 times last week, none this week. Fairly well matched in sex drive.
I think you have to become comfortable in your own skin and be willing to talk about what you want and what you like, if you want to improve your sex life.
It doesn't matter what anyone else's idea of "normal" is. You need to find what works for you.

I'm impressed overslept I'm a PIV type of gal and two or three orgasms is normal for me and they normally feel like you describe. I could not go to twelve though, I'm simply not fit enough (I have to be on top to come like that).

Oh I remember having orgasms years ago where I actually sobbed it was so intense. Unfortunately have not had any like that in years. My dh is very unfit and does not look after himself at all and I find it hard to get motivated due to his lack of effort.

I wonder if we're alone in not actually having penetrative sex that often, quite rarely actually but when we do dh absolutely enjoys it a lot, I don't get much out of actual sex but I enjoy giving it to dh and doing the things he likes. But I'm quite tight down there and sex can be a little unpleasant unless taken quite slowly so really not the conducive to frequent and spontaneous sex. We do have sexual activities (can't think of proper word to describe) 2-3 times a week which will lead to orgasm or sexual satisfaction but without penetration (oral, mural masturbation, we have some nice sex toys too sorry if tmi). But actual sex is quite rare, no more then 10-12 times a year I do wish it were frequent because I feel bad for dh but I don't get pleasure out of it (although we never have sex unless I want it and initiate it myself and I do want to do it but it's only for dh).

So I guess technically our sex life isn't great but I wouldn't say it's bad either, it's just different and what dh and I have got used to by making the best of a less than ideal situation.

It sounds pretty great to me Buildsite :) Sex doesn't have to be PIV, or frequent, to be "real" and it sounds like you're enjoying each other and yourselves - what's not to like?

Thickskinned I am so glad you mentioned that, yet another thing I thought was defective about me is that often I will cry after an orgasm. Recently I have absolutely laughed my arse off every time! I don't know why it happens and I can't seem to control it!

I'm so jealous of those who orgasm through sex. For me it's uncomfortable - wondering if there is something wrong with my bits!

My husband is totally unaware

Honestly I reckon our sex life is only so good because I just can't be arsed to do it if I'm not into it and I don't. So we probably don't do it that regularly but when we do it's worth it. If we did it every night or three times a week or something then there'd be a much higher proportion of mediocre/shit.

I can orgasm in a few positions but either him on top or me on top are best for me. Although I love sex in lots of other positions I find those best for getting to that point easily. I also like him sitting up and me on top, like on a chair or something and me straddled over. I find him on top more exciting so tend to orgasm harder like this, I like the idea he is the one "doing this to me".

I can orgasm from anal as well but only if we do it in the missionary position . That is not a joke. I am dying of embarrassment here now. Only once per session so far though, never tried for more when doing anal, probably as he doesn't last as long.

Winterbells I sometimes cry or laugh too, it really upset DH when it first happened but he likes it now. Its just the sheer emotional release.

I can orgasm in a few positions but for multiples I have to be on top, or on a chair would work too.

I get what you're saying BertieBotts I think we can only manage 2-3 times of sexual activities because it some of these really it's just about enjoying each other a little bit without focussing on achieving an orgasm every time, or sometimes it's just a little quick handjob or blowjob (sorry if tmi again) but it keeps the intimacy going for us. It's very difficult to really get into if either of us isn't in the mood so no real point in just doing it for the sake of it.

It's nice to hear you think my description of our sex life sounds okay, I do feel a little guilty at times that my lack of enjoyment of penetrative sex if affecting my dh's sexual satisfaction (he assures me it isn't).

I wonder how much hormonal contraception influences how much we enjoy sex. When I was on the pill I was utterly disinterested. Whereas with the copper coil my libido varied, but was generally much higher.

Another vote for sex getting more satisfying with age.

I have a newish bf, and it's great ATM . I would definitely say use it or lose it though. Can't remember how many times as a younger woman I thought " nah can't be bothered..." And then got into it and told myself off for ignoring that side of my life.. It's great! But perhaps the "nah can't be bothered" is just like others are saying... If you're not well connected with your partner at that moment then why would you be bothered? Except occasionally it can be a good way to reconnect and get close again.

I have a peculiar issue with my delicates that makes sex tricky but we work through it. It's not been helped by the anti-depressants I was on 2 years ago ruining my sex drive but we do our best.

It's very good though just a little less frequent than either of us would like!

Contraception kind of kills it for me tbh.

Hormonal ones don't agree with me and I won't take them again.

Condoms irritate. Even latex free ones.

Given its the only thing I can use its not great really.

Which makes all the build up even more crucial