am i being fair to my 17 yr old daughter

[ghostspirit]

my daughter gos to college mon and tueday. wed,thurs,fri. she is at home so on theses days. i ask her to tidy 2 rooms. living room and kitchen, sometimes the hall. and she picks her siblings up from school. i get home 10 mins after they get home. I give her 10 pounds a week for doing the 3 day school run. plus 18 a month for her phone. and if shes going out with a friend or something i will give her extra money.

im up at 7am sorting the kids getting them to school then i come home for about 45 mins and get sorted for work. i then go to work and get home 3.30-3.40 i work in a school kitchen its very busy and physical. Im 16 weeks pregnant and having problems with my hips and back time i get home i want to cry in pain and can hardly walk.

sat/sun/mon/tuesday me and the boys 7 and 12 do house things between us.

my daughter is constantly moaning about it. going on about all the stuff she has to do. i have come home to a bomb tonight there were not even clean plates for me to do dinner. im meant to be signing a new tenancy tomorrow i said to my daughter if you were a landlord would you want us living in this house. her reply was well its not my (her) responsability if i get into trouble......

Am i asking to much of her.

Also whilst she is in education i still get childtax for her so that pays for things. if she left college i would loose that money

Oh dear...she needs some real direction from you aimed at her being able to achieve her potential..not because you get more benefits.

my point is if she struggles to go college 2 days a week shes hardly going to get a paid job is she... and the money i get her her pays for things for her weather thats the water she uses, the internet she uses the clothes she needs the food she needs. if she stops going to college does not get a job how she going to eat? she can reach her potential by staying in education. But saying that if she went and found herself a job then she can give uo college till then. she does not need to give it up.

yes she is doing more than 10 mins baby sitting. she picks kids up from school at 3.10 she walks them home thats that 15/20 mins then im in 10 mins later or same time. so she has them for 20-30 mins in all.

Maybe she needs a positive role model, she's very unlikely to sign up to both college and working when on she doesn't see you do those hours.

It could also not just be laziness, maybe she is battling feelings re you dating and being out rather than home with her.

You should want her to be at college to have the chance of a decent life not to keep the benefits going. Surely you want her to aim high and not have to claim herself.

of course i want her to do her best. shes doing that by going to college. if she wants to do that in the world of work then she can im not stopping her.

i have not been out in weeks. im not dating either..

no its not about keeping the benefits. but if she gives up college does not get a job whos going to feed her. she cant claim benefits herself. and anyway the law says she has to be in education or working.

i work yes part time. thats how it is. it fitd in with my kids part from the school pick up. that does not mean she sees me as a bad role model. i get my butt out of bed every day i sort the kids every day. in go to work everyday.

How is the op not a positive role model exactly? She is raising her children. Working what she is able to do. Worked hard to keep her dd in college.

Honestly op, I'd just walk away from this thread. The usual shite of lone parents, benefits and assumptions. Mumsnet at its finest.

What would happen if she got herself a job during the week? How would your kids be picked up from school? Is she the only means for your children to be collected from school on those days?

I was just thinking im getting bit bored of going in circles.

if she got a job then i would talk to my work to see if i can change my hours slightly.

PAH! Yes you're being fair. When I lived at home and was in full time edu I was expected to clear away dinner things every night, peg out washing, walk dogs, put bins out and hoover as par for the course - and only got pocket money for big jobs like washing cars, cleaning the oven etc. I took it as a normal expectation since my parents put a roof over my head, cooked me meals etc...

Same as me. I hoovered and dusted, chopped wood, walked dogs, cleaned bedrooms, sorted clothes. I also worked from the age of thirteen with permission from the school and my parents one Saturday a week. At sixteen I went full time and bought my parents something out of every wage.

Then I went on to have four children, became a single parent and put up with rubbish like on this post on a regular basis. Still put myself through college and worked full time then part time. Oh what a terrible role model us lone parents are. Yawn.

i dont really understand why people are anti single parent. rather be on my own with the kids than with someone and unhappy.

i been on a role today. daughter done house work whilst i was at work. she picked up the kids. then she took took out for an hour. and the her and her bf good dinner :) :)

oops meant to say she took dog out

And it's still going on.

Nasty, judgemental and totally unsupportive posts.

Is this really what MN has come to?

Daisy - this is teenage behaviour! Sod off with your "role model" shite. And you're only commenting because tax credits have been mentioned.

Yep it is what mn has come to. Cocky people sat behind their keyboards thinking they can be as nasty as they like. Op will be fine though, she's got this far with her children on her own. A bunch of sanctimonious posters won't ruin that I'm sure

This is all wrong .Your DD should be doing something more definite on the days she is not at college.She should be either doing another course (preferable option)of getting a job.It is not healthy for a youngster to be just hanging round the house 5 days a week!

having read the thread better I am confused as to how you are getting benefits for her being a student.Surely she would need to do more than 2 days a week to be classed as fulltime , are you sure she is not supposed to be doing lots of work on the other days?
Something doesn't stack up

A full time course for me was two and a half days. Part time was one day.

Celestial - and so it has always been. What I mean is that as each year passes, the vitriol becomes ever more acceptable. The bitchiness from Superwife etc was rounded upon, but the comments are still there for ghost to read. What started as a "teen not pulling her weight" thread has ended with the OP being ripped apart.

And then it becomes about benefits.

Yeah, imagine this on Relationships

"LTB!"

"I want to but I work and I finish at the same time as the kids but about 10 minutes away, not sure how I can work that out"

"Well your DD is at home on the days you need pick up, surely she can do it? She is 17 and it is NU to expect her to help out!"

I honestly think that some people make a hobby out of AIBU by being as bitchy as they can and then enjoying the fall out.