Really, because the fact she defended him makes me think that she WAS being abused. What person in their right mind would defend someone who had just murdered their child? Nobody - she wasn't in her right mind, at all.
YY to the marinated in violence thing skewing judgement. It absolutely does. What you perceive as normal etc. When people condemn others for failing to leave an abusive relationship, failing to protect children etc they often come from a position of "If I was in that situation I would feel.... and I would do ....." rather than saying "That person in that situation is feeling ..... and is doing ....., how can we help?" They take the face value of "she's choosing a man over her children", "she doesn't care" "she likes it" etc which is so - frustrating! It's a melting pot of emotions, drives, expectations, fear, under the surface. Honest to God, most mothers in this situation if not all of them believe they are doing the best thing they can do for their children by remaining in such a relationship.
You might say "But surely it's totally obvious that staying in such a relationship is dangerous and/or harmful for the child". Yes, it is obvious to you. Which just shows such a lack of understanding, a mountain of privilege. Imagine - just imagine, how shit your life would have to have been to make you think that's okay, or what kind of a drawn out, damaging, mind fucking process of experience you would have to go through to make you believe that it is okay. People live like that, they don't get dropped into abusive situations straight from a nice comfortable privileged life. Sometimes they are lucky and wind up with a person who is not abusive, or not as abusive. Sometimes they wind up with a dangerous bastard. If they are unable to recognise that, then they are also unable to protect themselves OR children. Which means that somebody else needs to do it. Two ways to do that. Remove the children, or remove the threat. Our current system removes the children, often too late.
Yes she should have protected her child, but clearly she was unable. Unwilling? I can't believe it. It goes against every instinct, and there are myriad ways a woman would be more likely to not protect her child if this were the case. Unable, easily. Just because the barriers were psychological rather than physical does not make them any less real. We would do well to remember that - it's the exact same prejudice which makes our mental health care totally inadequate.
Daniel Pelka's mother was unwilling to protect her child. This mother and others like her, I can't be so sure.