AIBU to think that this country is doing my family no favours?

[TiredOfItAllNow]

I've NC. as it's all a bit personal.

I'm so tired of the struggle to get some decent standard of living in this country.

We are so poor.

We live in a 2 bed council flat, DH works very hard, full time in a non-safe job...he's a decorator.

I work part time because I can't seem to get another job which would work with school and we just can't see how we'd afford any childcare...I was hoping to get a 2nd job which might fit in with my first and with school but it's not happening.

We can barely make ends meet. We never go out anywhere...no days out, all my clothes are 2nd hand and the DCs are always bought in sales or 2nd hand.

Something unexpeced like a school book fair can arse up my finances for two weeks....I know the DC don't HAVE to go to the book fair and buy a book but you tell that to your children who never have a new toy unless it's a special occasion and whose entire library is 2nd hand.

And we work! Why shouldn't we have enough money to buy our children a book!

What's gone wrong that everything is so expensive?

We don't have any luxuries, I'm very good at cooking from scratch and all meals are cheap...we have some kind of meat once a week ffs! Because it's too expensive otherwise.

Some days there's no food other than pasta, flour and basics...I don't buy frozen food much as our firdge is tiny and the frozen compartment just about fits a bag of peas and a box of fishfingers in it.

I read on here about people booking to go to Christmas parks and going shopping for this and that and I just get disheartened.

We have the opportunity to move to Australia next year. DH has been offered a job...I told my sister and she was all "You can't be that poor...you earn alright money"

We don't! She couldn;'t be happy that we had a chance to get out of this horrible, tiny flat...

You sound like you need to choose what to do and commit to it 100%.

You can stay here, but you need to make changes. You need to take responsibility for the choices you made. Your DH has a terrible job. It's underpaid, and you simply can't afford to live on the amount that he brings in. You have a degree in a subject that is essentially useless. You're in the unfortunate position that it is cheaper and easier to hire teenagers than you. So you'll need to get your foot on the ladder somewhere. It'll probably have to be a full-time job, and you'll need to claim for help with childcare, but it'll work up to something better. You'll have less free time, but more money to spend.

Or you can move to Australia. It seems that you have moving costs sorted, along with somewhere to live, and a job for DH. So all you need to work out is what you will do, because at the moment you are drifting. You'll probably need to find work too, because Australia costs a lot, and because life in general is expensive, wherever you are living it. Get a foot in the door somewhere now, before you need the money more desperately.

There's nothing you can do about your family. They are how they are. A lot of us don't have any family at all, nobody. You can, at least, still Skype your sister from Oz. If you need more contact than that, if you need pub lunches and people popping in, then make friends like that. You can build a support network that fulfils that need. They will never be your family, but they will fill the need.

On the face of it, you are not stuck. You aren't earning very much, because you have a degree with very few related jobs, and because DH has a poorly paid job. The Government is giving you what it has too...somewhere to live, an education for your children, healthcare, and enough for food. But it won't make it pretty, and at the moment, you're not doing that either. You can live as you are at the moment, but as you've found, it won't make you happy.

So choose where you want to be, and then work out what has to happen so that you can be happy. Some of them won't be ideal. Nobody really wants to work, for example. I love my industry, but everyone wishes that there were more hours in the day. But you'll always have to start at the bottom, so you may as well start now and work towards something better than what you have.

From what you've said, your priorities need to be getting a job, for self-esteem and meeting people, building a network of close friends, and being able to afford a garden and regular days out. None of that is anywhere near impossible if you and DH put the effort in.

Curly - we all sleep in the bedroom, where else?

yesidid

Fucking hell! I thought you were going into a Monty python quote or something thing then. "you were lucky we only had a brown paper bag to live in! Y don't know y born"

And yes Aus telly is rubbish.

But I don't think that Australians rely on the television for entertainment as much as the British do.

They tend to have a much more outdoor lifestyle with sunlight until later in the day. And so may watch their sport or a film later on but not spend hours of an evening watching the goggle box.

Oh and Aus also has a great commercial free tv channel, SBS, which shows UK tv and also European and Scandi drama. So you don't need to watch the, admittedly dire, commercial channels.

I would go in a heartbeat.

The only thing I'd say is that if you do go and then come back, your chances of getting another council flat would be about zero. So you'll be giving that up for ever.

I read on here about people booking to go to Christmas parks

we are going to Longleat and its mostly paid for by tesco vouchers so entry it totally free for us.

All our books are second hand I don't think it matter with books or indeed clothes...

HOwever I think Oz ( have been there and had relis growing up there) is a wonderful place to raise children, and its a no brainer.

Go go go go go go go.

The uk is a hard grind and quite joyless country. Its so hard to relax and do things that are cheap. Without tesco we wouldn't go anywhere!

I spoke to a lady a long time ago, she had a wonderful business and great life until her friend was ill, and she couldnt spare any time to be with her....even for a little bit. Her friend passed on, and the lady went skiiking and suddenly ralised she didnt want go home to old life, met someone skiing who said always wanted to open up lodge etc, so she did!! She said couldn't see point of old life if couldn't be with someone who was so ill.

She said she never looked back and although hard work, less money she only notices the less money here in UK. She also noticed how stressful and miserable it is here in UK. As soon as she gets back stress levels rise.

I think almost anywhere else you give dc such a better standard of living for a lot less than here.

I think almost anywhere else you give dc such a better standard of living for a lot less than here.

I think that's a common misconception.

haven't read every single post - but if OP wants more house for less money, shift under 50 miles to Shropshire where a decent, newly refurbed, 2-bed semi in a town with facilities, work, open space, all you need goes for £500 per month. I know because I rent one.

pay an extra £40 a month and you get 3 beds.

not as warm as parts of Oz, admittedly - but no dangerous snakes, insects or expensive health bills.

I don't know how anyone affords these massively expensive kiddy treats. Or why.

Stubborn makes a good point about council housing. Once you move to Oz and have given up your council flat it will be nigh on impossible to get another one if you come back. You will end up in private rentals which are more expensive and don't offer a secured tenancy.

Its so hard to relax and do things that are cheap.

what? Are you locked in the house? Are you unable to walk?

I dont know squoosh I see happier children elsewhere!

And its been in league tables that children in the UK are way down the happiness scale.

yesidid

Fucking hell! I thought you were going into a Monty python quote or something thing then. "you were lucky we only had a brown paper bag to live in! Y don't know y born"

ToMuchToSay, I did worry as I typed it, it sounded so.....Northern!!

In my defence, I have health worries at the moment and in my head I was thinking "Is that all you've got to worry about" in true mumsnet style but couldn't bring myself to type it, I'm a twat but not that much of a twat I hope

Gong way back on the thread, we are too old really. I'm 50 and dh is 58. dd's friends family have just emigrated to Aus. They are in their 40's and struggled - he got a job in his field which was lucky, but who would be interested in people our age?

Ah so slight emotional wobble on account of your sister then? Well she'll still be at the end of a phone line.
Get packing....

www.theguardian.com/society/shortcuts/2012/jun/27/why-british-children-so-unhappy

OP, YANBU to want a better life for your family and if someone is able to provide DH with a job, cheap accommodation and relocation costs to Austrailia, go for it!
However, your finances do not add up, if your combined income is above the housing benefit threshold and you're paying council rents in Cheshire, that would not leave you with the lifestyle you're talking about, unless you have a high level of debt.

YABU to think this country does you no favours - clearly it does.

However YANBU to want to go to Australia. Sounds like it would be wonderful for you all.

But I really don't think there's anything wrong with second-hand books/clothes, free walks on public footpaths and having window boxes for plants.

I can see the relationship with your mother sounds upsetting.

I hope you go and it all works out.

If you decide to stay I hope that you can (genuinely in the nicest possible way) slightly pull yourself up by the bootstraps and find solutions to your problems. There seem to have been some good ones posted here. Although of course we don't know your full circumstances.

yesidid

I know I've posted some real twatty stuff before. Then thought Ooops or that didn't come out right!

I think its unfair to say your country is doing you no favours. What favours are they meant to give you...over and above your council flat, your child benefits, your nhs, you childs schooling etc.

It sounds like your husband could be making more money than he does, decoraters can make a packet if they go out on their own. If you aren't maximising your potentials thats not the countries fault.

IT sounds like you we better able to do so in Australia, which is great for you. Perhaps a change in mindset would help you do well there though, its your own responsibility to make the most of your chances.

Nut thanks Yes...I don't think I'm "spoilt" as someone said, for wanting a small garden! I AM grateful we're in a council flat...I really am...it's cheap compared to private and all that but it's not enough. Sorry to those who seem to think that ambition or wanting a little more is getting above my station.

We wouldn;t be rich in Oz no...but as you say Nut we would have a 3 bed house with a garden...not a pool no...but a beach within walking distance and some lovely schools too.

I feel for you, OP; you’ve obviously been worn down by your situation over the past few years. But it does grate that you’re putting pretty much all the blame at the door of “this country”. We do have it pretty good here, the plus points have already been listed upthread by other posters. You’re in a secure tenancy for which you pay lower than average rent (best thing next to a mortgage), you don’t have the millstone of debt or negative equity around your neck, you have two kids in school and a husband who is actually earning. You have a buffer, you’ve survived on one wage for a protracted time. You could have spent the last few years doing a Sage or typing course, voluntary work, or a variety of other things which could help your employability. You could still do these things, but instead you seem to have just thrown your hands up in defeat and decided the best course of action is to move.

It may well be that Australia is the best option, but it needs commitment and a positive attitude to make it work. If you move and once you’ve paid your moving costs, found (and paid for) somewhere to live, got the kids sorted with school and a family health insurance plan, stocked the fridge, and then receive that first mammoth power bill for your air conditioning usage, there’ll be no-where else to ‘run’ to. You have to make it work, and the way you’re addressing your current position doesn’t suggest that you’ll be able to roll with the punches.

I hope you watched all "down under" epoisodes.

Living abroad even with help of others is hard.
You would have help of (I only assume) family/friends for a while and very quickly you need to do everything yourself.

You have to be very tough and pig headed to succeed, I am writing it from my own experience

I wish you good luck and make sure you understand all costs which are coming with living abroad.
Like others said - schooling, health insurance etc.... etc.....