To be green with envy at women whose partners cook

[CinnamonBuns]

Not a TAAT but just read the veggie Christmas thread about the husband who cooks a three course meal from scratch

My partner has never even made me
a sandwich in 5 years :(

So pissed off at having to cook every fucking meal. If I say, no you're cooking tonight, he'll order a takeaway which I don't really like.

I didn't think it was a big deal when we were dating that he didn't cook but 5 years down the line I'm sick of it.

WAAAH!

Aargh. I told DH last night that he had to think of something for dinner and cook it tonight. He said OK. Texted him earlier to say 'what's for dinner' (a precautionary measure as I was fairly sure he wouldn't have thought about it) and he said 'not hungry, won't have anything'. This is a reasonably common occurrence when I ask him to cook or decide on a meal.

FFS.

I was pretty pissed off. Not least because a couple of weeks ago I spent a Sunday afternoon making him the stew he likes to freeze in portions for when I was out. So I told him I was displeased at the fact he'd bailed again and this often happens when I ask him to cook. I got the whole 'I've had a stressful day' and then a refusal to discuss it when I calmly said I was unhappy about the fact he always tried to get out of cooking or deciding on what we'd eat.

I'm leaving it for tonight but it's definitely going to be raised again. It's not that I mind cooking, I just dislike being expected to do it all the time as well we come up with healthy meals (we've both been on a diet). And as I said, just now and again, it would be nice if he offered to cook instead.

Comito
I told DH last night that he had to think of something for dinner and cook it tonight.
turn it around ....
is it a dish that everything is in the house ?
does he know the recipe?

what if you went for a more cooperative approach ...
plan the food for the week, agreeing in advance who is cooking which meals
then between you make sure the ingredients are all in

and see if that makes it a bit more productive

Depends on his cooking! Not everyone who likes cooking is as good as they think they are.

talkinpeace That was kind of the point because he always says he can't think of a recipe and I get a bit tired of planning a week's worth of meals, buying all the food and then cooking it every night. We used to take turns to choose meals ahead of time and cook but the last few times he'd just say he either wasn't hungry (then eat toast all night) or want a takeaway. He's definitely better if I tell him what we're having and hand him the recipe.

He CAN cook, I think he just thinks about work all the time and then has a bit of a mental meltdown over dinner. He does have a bit of form for leaving general household stuff to me because he says he's too busy but we both work FT and I just don't see why I should have step in all the time.

Sorry, it's just annoyed me tonight because I've had a rubbish day too and I got the 'don't want to eat' message so ended up making myself some scrambled egg while he flounced around the kitchen because he knew I was irritated. Perhaps I'll try meal planning then giving him specific nights to cook.

Comito
I do sympathise but turning the ship around involves you being the adult.

When he is cooking what do you do?
Do you have music or the radio on and chat or do daft quizzes off the interweb?
Or do you stay out of the way and leave him to it?
Or do you hang around flinching slightly as he uses every pan and cuts the onions the wrong way?

And do tell him that if he grazes toast rather than eating proper meals he be a right lardy by the time he's as old as me ;-)

TBH in our house DH cook 5 nights out of 7 - but I'm the one who makes sure all the ingredients to do a multitude of meals are in the fridge and cupboards

Um..

I suspect I've given the wrong impression. I don't look over his shoulder while he's cooking at all. I'm not at all precious about cooking.

I just would like someone other than me to plan and cook dinner for once.

'not hungry, won't have anything'

Ok, what are you cooking me though?

comito
what happens if you let the cupboards empty down?
Or just fix yourself meals that only you really like ?

I'm not hungry and I don't care whether you are hungry or whether you get anything to eat either

I bet if you started cooking something for yourself his appetite would return real fast. I'm flabbergasted at this man child's attitude.

I'm not hungry is just a defence mechanism against cooking. His abject selfishness is astounding.

I'm assuming you've never pulled the, 'I'm not hungry' excuse for not cooking. Right ?

Why should she be the one to be an adult? Comito that level of selfish, lazy entitlement would drain any respect and love I had for the man. If he's cooking, he's cooking, whether he chooses to eat it or not. I'm presuming it's just the two of you? I.e. he's not shrugging off any responsibility to feed children right?

I have lived with 4 partners over the years but been single for years - actually I prefer it!

But 3 of them could cook - they would still leave a lot of mess behind though and have other annoying habits .....

They all did their own ironing however and even my sewing, good huh.

Mine doesn't cook but does loads of other stuff I loathe doing. Plus I like cooking and can't bear to watch someone making a pigs ear of it. Controlling. I cook and he tidies it all up.

Wondering how it's going

When we got married, dh and I used to share the cooking.

He has gradually taken over to the point the only thing I ever make is a pudding, and that's only when we have guests.

My friends seem to think he's some sort of supreme being .

He loves cooking, is extremely good at it - so it suits us. More importantly, he does all of the clearing up too.

Well, I'm still waiting too! We'll probably eat after dc in bed anyway. He brought all the bits but it's all ready done bung-in-the oven stuff. Looks nice though!

so exciting!
I love to be at the birth of positive change, thank you for that.

Good luck, hope it's tasty!

Still waiting...ds is in bad form and won't settle so P has taken him for a walk in buggy to hopefully put him to sleep.

So I'm keeping an eye on the food in the oven ! Ffs

typical

Well, he's back, ds is asleep in cot and he's serving up - I'm starving!! :D

Well, he bit into his chicken and it was raw inside back in the oven...

I can't stand my DH's cooking - he can cook, he lived on his own for a few years before we got married so I know he can cook, but it's just not the sort of food I want to eat.

I don't understand why so many mumsnetters seem to have 'big, formal' meals every night, we often just have sandwiches, cheese and biscuits, scrambled eggs, jacket potatoes - that sort of meal? Does it have to be a great big cooked dinner every night?

Rag - I wouldn't want sandwich, cheese and biscuits every night. It can't be particulary healthy or nutritious to have that say half the week surely?

Art - not sure I agree with you, I mean sandwiches or cheese and biscuits with some salad or fruit is easy/quick to prepare and I bet is a lot more nutritious than some 'hot dinners' that people seem to think are essential every evening?

I often look at the 'meal planning' threads and am genuinely amazed that people have the time/inclination to cook those sort of meals every single night. I am a trained professional chef , have worked in up market catering for many years but I don't choose to eat like that every night!

Cheese and biscuits for dinner?! I'd be hungry after half and hour

Only on Mumsnet would you be called out on making dinner every night

A sandwich for dinner? What are you eating for lunch?