This is weird and inappropriate isn't it? Or AIBU

[dottytablecloth]

Would you find it weird if a v close family member had an obsession with removing your child's nappy?

Then when you told them NOT to do it, the next time they were alone with your child they did the same thing and took photographs?

It's not sinister, the photographs were shown to me along with others but I'm so uncomfortable with it.

When challenged the person said I put pictures of dc on Facebook so apparently this is worse

I'm horrified that my ds's privacy has been invaded. How very dare this person?

Person is older and apparently likes to 'air' baby's bottom. Ds has no nappy rash etc, never has, he's totally clear, I don't see the need. If there was a need, sure it's up to dh or I to do?

I'm really uncomfortable with this situation, expressed my anger and insisted photos are deleted, have been assured nobody else has seen them.

As I say, I don't believe there was any sinister intent, just stupidity but it's makes my skin crawl that this was done to my almost 2 year old (21 months)

Give me some perspective and AIBU?

I'm old and really shocked! The woman's removing a child's nappy in order to photograph its genitals.

This was weird and scary forty years ago, and it's weird and scary now. I cannot understand why PP are making excuses for her.

No but we don't ask my relatives permission either (yes, he still wears one) as the adults in his life have a duty to keep him safe and warm and dry.

However changing his nappy serves a purpose (keeping him dry) taking a photograph of him naked would not. It would in fact be considered abusive and humiliating.

I know this may not be the case of the op, but chikd abuse has come out of the woodwork and is more in the open then it was back in the day, people are recognising it more, especially since Jimmy savile. NSPCC is running its pants campaign.

Back in the day some would do what op il are doing under the guise of giving bottom an airing and taking photos, but their intentions were not innocent.

I'm old and really shocked! The woman's removing a child's nappy in order to photograph its genitals.

If that is what is happening, it would be shocking. But I don't think the OP is accusing her MIL of that?

I think what might help this thread get back on track is if the OP edited the first post. There is definitely a suggestion that the MIL is taking the nappy off in order to take photos, however the later posts make it clear that this is not the case.

MIL is taking the nappy off as is very common in lots of families in lots of countries both historically and currently. She is then taking photos of said child which just happen to be naked.

Yes, she should stop if she has been asked to but frankly OP your insinuation that there is something sinister in this is awful. You need to get a bit of perspective and stop presenting it as something that it isn't.

Yes the op does need editing, op has said herself its not sinister, just something she does not agree with, its her right to want to protect her ds privacy. Yes a lot of parents do this, this is not a pants vs pants off debate at all, each to their own and all that.

Letting child run around naked and taking pictures = ok.

Removing nappy, specifically to take penis picture, then replacing = creepy and weird.

Not sure which of the above it is.

Aeroflot - The vast majority of people's motives were and are innocent. Yes it happens, but not everyone is a closet pervert - assuming they are is incredibly sad.

Perspective can be very helpful

Hang on a minute here. Are you saying your MIL has removed your child's nappy in order to take pictures of their genitals?

Or, are you saying that your MIL has taken several pics of her grandchild, and in some of them your DC happened not to have a nappy on?

If it's the second, (and it sounds like it is from your OP?) then yes, YABU.
Te following is based on it being the 2nd option. If it's the first, then well you have a problem, but that's obvious!

I understand the frustration of not being listened to by ILs or parents, but I've had to learn to relax a bit and I think you need to as well, and not sweat the small stuff. And a grandparent letting a toddler run around with no nappy, is small stuff. It is probably good for them too, to have a bit of nappy-free time.

You asked for some perspective, so here is some:

"I'm horrified that my ds's privacy has been invaded. How very dare this person?"

Your MIL is not invading your DS's privacy. She is acting like a loving grandparent. You are being OTT for being "horrified" about invasion of privacy. If you were my DIL I would think you were acting like a loon and would feel a but sorry for the children and the state of the world when a grandparent taking pictures of their grandchild is seen as invasion of privacy. I would also worry about the values you were teaching them about their bodies. It's about nudity. You have a problem with it. She doesn't. She simply sees it as a picture of her grandchild. You see it as a NAKED picture of your child. The thought probably hadn't even entered her head. Having said that if you don't want her to take pictures of your DC naked, that's fine, but do try to ask her politely, and accept that she is not being unreasonable at all, it's just a difference in opinion, and refraining from taking naked pics something you are asking her to do for you as a favour, because it makes YOU feel uncomfortable not because there's anything inherently wrong with it.

"Person is older and apparently likes to 'air' baby's bottom. Ds has no nappy rash etc, never has, he's totally clear, I don't see the need. If there was a need, sure it's up to dh or I to do?"

There may not be a need, but there's no harm, and it probably is good for them. You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

"I'm really uncomfortable with this situation, expressed my anger and insisted photos are deleted, have been assured nobody else has seen them."

If I was the MIL I would think you were nuts! Not for asking them to be deleted, that's up to you, but for being angry about it.

"As I say, I don't believe there was any sinister intent, just stupidity but it's makes my skin crawl that this was done to my almost 2 year old (21 months"

Nothing bad was done to your child. Your MIL has been acting in a totally normal way. You need to understand this, and probably apologise to her for the way you spoke to her (with anger etc). If you don't want the picture to be taken, state that calmly. But you need to do some work in patching your relationship with your MIL, IMO as you being so over the top is probably putting a strain on it.

The woman's removing a child's nappy in order to photograph its genitals.

The OP has come back but not really clarified this point. This is not how I understood the situation.

Hear hear wigglylines!!!

"To be clear it wasn't my son's bum that was photographed, it was his penis- he was totally in the picture but it wasn't a cute 'chubby bare bum' picture. "

I am a bit confused. Is the MiL leaving the nappy off after a change and then taking pictures of the child playing and he also happens to be naked and his penis is visible? Or is she removing the nappy as soon as she can and taking pictures of his genitals specifically? Like in a posed full frontal picture? Because that sounds sinister to me.

I don't think there is anything wrong with children being naked or there being naked pictures. It's just an innocent body. But context does matter.

If you have asked her not to do it then she should respect your wishes and stop.

Calling "Full House" at the Jimmy Saville reference.

Does your MIL do whatever she wants regardless of how you feel in other areas of your life?

Why the MIL is taking the photos isn't important. The OP doesn't need editing: it's perfectly clear there is nothing sinister. I know this because she says 'there are no sinister intentions.'

The point is the child's mother does not want her to. And she is continuing to do so.

I know these pictures are loved by some people. Fine, take them of your own DC. They make some of us feel very uncomfortable. For me it has nothing to do with paedophilia and everything to do with the fact that I think everyone's entitled to a bit of basic respect and dignity even if they aren't verbal.

People saying 'oh, don't you bath your children then' miss the point completely. Bathing children means you briefly see them naked and that's fine but a photograph is taken to preserve a memory and I don't think someone else's naked body- and I don't care how old they are - is something someone should be photographing without consent. Since by the very nature of things a child can't give informed consent it just isn't on to snap away.

Now that's my view and I will not take photographs of my own children naked. Bath time is one thing as bubbles can hide nakedness (I'm thinking specifically bottoms and genitals) but just standing in the lawn or in a paddling pool - not a chance.

However, I don't mind if others want to disagree and take pictures of their own children. Fine. That's your total right - I may disagree but I wouldn't be so rude as to say so and besides it's none of my business. But if anyone DARED photograph my child naked I would be very angry and I don't care if that's his granny, uncle, friend or neighbour - I have made that decision and some of you might think it's stupid. Fine. It's still my decision so if you as his gran or aunt or whoever wanted to see him, you'd respect it.

Believe it or not I am very easygoing over most things but I feel strongly about this so understand completely where the OP is coming from. I would downright put my foot down - if you think it's harmless and a giggle, do it to your own children, but not mine, never in a month of Sundays.

I agree mallardgree, op has said that that this has happened more than once. It was explained calmy to MIL not to do this, but she did it again despite op tell her not to, of course you would be angry. I agree, even babies and young children are entitled to privacy, as op is their caregiver, she does not want her dc running about without pants and to be photographed in the nude. That is fine, and totally ok, even if some of you think its not! When does this become inappropriate, I guess once the child starts school.

I am quite relaxed, I give my children treats, they have the occasional MacDonalds, they don't always stick to a ridged bedtime, watch TV, but this is something I also would not be happy with.

Your MIL is not invading your DS's privacy. She is acting like a loving grandparent.

No. They are not. Most loving grandparents would not go against repeated wishes not to take the nappy off. Loving grandparents do not do this. Entitled grandparents do.

Would I like mil to take dds nappy off and take a picture f her genitals - no I bloody wouldn't and it is an invasion of privacy. I wonder how many scoffers would willingly show there genitals to the aunts, uncles and dgp now? Why is is ok to take a picture of a baby's genitals and not an adults??

"Why is is ok to take a picture of a baby's genitals and not an adults??"

You have to ask?!

Because most adults will care, a lot, if you take photos of them naked without consent. A baby could not care less.

Also, because an adult is a sexual being, and uses their genitals accordingly. A baby is not.

Because it is a very sad world IMO if we tell our children there's something wrong with them being without clothes. Being free to run about naked is one of the joys of childhood IMO.

I agree the holiday. How many of you who agree to mil taking napoy off and photographing op ds in the nude, woukd be happy for your childhood naked snapshots passed around if there is any, . There were a couple of posters on here whose parents used to take pictures if them in the nude as kids and they are mortified. The child will not be a chikd forever, and op ds will grow into a man, how woukd he feel for all and Saundry to look at his naked pictures as a toddler.

We are not telling our chikdren there is anything wrong with their body, my children don't run about naked often, I certainly do not photograph them in the nude, how is that installing negative body image. They know they are loved very much, and they are gorgeous without needing pants off.

wiggly no I don't think it's ok to take a picture of a babies genitals at all - it was a rhetoric question. You might be ok with looking at pictures of your genitals when younger but others might not.

Taking a babies nappy off to take a picture of it's penis is weird.

I never said children couldn't run around naked enjoying the joys of childhood. I never said to tell our children there was something wrong with having no clothes on. Don't put words in my mouth.

I remember watching a small girl playing on some rocks on an almost deserted beach. She didn't have any clothes. My only concern was she might her hurt her privates if she slipped and landed uncomfortably on the rough rocks.
It never entered my head that it was inappropriate or sinister for a 3 year to be naked on a deserted beach.

Does DS have anytime at home without his nappy on?

Wiggly lines has said it best.

Wiggly, I imagine you wouldn't dream of photographing an elderly person with dementia naked, although they also "couldn't care less" too. Likewise adults with learning difficulties. People in a coma? People asleep?

'But they don't care' is beside the point. Best to assume that humans have a right to dignity and respect it. It may well be that the baby will grow up to not care either way but it is wrong to assume he won't care.

Taking photographs - lots of them - is a lovely reminder of childhood but naked ones have always made me very uncomfortable for the above reasons.

There's a difference with a child being naked, and a photograph being taken of a child who is naked.

It is up to parents what their children wear and whether they take photographs of them or not but I wouldn't let a child of mine run around naked in public and nor would I take pictures of them without clothes.