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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is weird and inappropriate isn't it? Or AIBU

128 replies

dottytablecloth · 08/11/2014 09:30

Would you find it weird if a v close family member had an obsession with removing your child's nappy?

Then when you told them NOT to do it, the next time they were alone with your child they did the same thing and took photographs?

It's not sinister, the photographs were shown to me along with others but I'm so uncomfortable with it.

When challenged the person said I put pictures of dc on Facebook so apparently this is worse Hmm

I'm horrified that my ds's privacy has been invaded. How very dare this person?

Person is older and apparently likes to 'air' baby's bottom. Ds has no nappy rash etc, never has, he's totally clear, I don't see the need. If there was a need, sure it's up to dh or I to do?

I'm really uncomfortable with this situation, expressed my anger and insisted photos are deleted, have been assured nobody else has seen them.

As I say, I don't believe there was any sinister intent, just stupidity but it's makes my skin crawl that this was done to my almost 2 year old (21 months)

Give me some perspective and AIBU?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:25

Would it be ok if FIL was doing this, it's because said relative is female it's ok.

YouAreMyRain · 08/11/2014 10:27

But it's not harmful so why should she ask the mil to stop? If mil was letting the child watch horror film or play with matches, fine! Asking mil to stop doing something so harmless, while it is indeed the OPs "right", is unnecessary and will cause offence.

Mil thinks it is beneficial. Like getting fresh air by playing in the garden. If someone said, look after my child but don't let them go outside because I don't like it, it would be the parents right to ask but not unreasonable for the person looking after the child to think it was harmless and in the child's best interest to do it.
Posters are just trying to share their opinions of whether the act of stripping a child off is ok or not, to help the OP get perspective.

Why have conflict and suspicion where none is needed?

SaucyJackOLantern · 08/11/2014 10:28

So are we saying that all maternal instructions MUST be followed to the absolute letter, no matter how weird or damaging they are?

I must confess, I find it a bit sad that you are uncomfortable with your toddler having a bare bottom in front of his own grandmother. It's not something I'd particularly respect either.

hamptoncourt · 08/11/2014 10:32

YANBU I would go nuts!

You have told her not to and anyone taking naked pictures of a child that isn't theirs is inappropriate.

mallardgreen · 08/11/2014 10:32

It's inappropriate, and yes I do think that wishes of the parents should be respected unless it's something really mad!

YouAreMyRain obviously thinks this falls into the category of something mad; I don't and not do many others.

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2014 10:34

She is older, is it a generational thing.

No. And Yes.

We did go in for airing bottoms on a sunny day in the garden. Not indoors unless wet carpets were required. Or with small babies left to kick on their changing mats without yards of terry-towelling round their legs.

Photos of naked babies were also reasonably common, but this does sound slightly weirder. But as she is showing you the pictures and presumably not putting them on FB it's not too dreadful. Is this the only thing she goes against you on?

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2014 10:35

You have told her not to and anyone taking naked pictures of a child that isn't theirs is inappropriate.

Oops Blush best I go and delete the pictures I have of my DGC in the bath and paddling pool then...

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:38

Op is the boys mother and caregiver, she is not happy with her ds nappy being removed and pictures taken so tgat should be respected. I personally would not be, I don't care if others do that to their children, but I don't with mine, and would not be happy with a relative constantly trying to remove ds nappy and take pictures. Just because he's a baby/toddler does not make him a free for all, he has privacy too.

mallardgreen · 08/11/2014 10:40

Why do people have to get all sarcastic? I don't think anyone particularly cares if you have pictures of your grandchildren in the bath or not but if I was their mother I would be asking you to delete them and so would the OP?

Or did you not understand it's about the OP not you?

BathshebaDarkstone · 08/11/2014 10:40

Ugh. YANBU. That's weird and creepy, even if their intentions are totally innocent. Unfortunately you just can't stop some, usually older, relatives doing things you don't like. I have constant battles with a relative. Sad

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:40

Would the supporters of op mil be happy if that was Fil or uncle trying to remove the childs nappy and take pictures. Nanny if tge mother/father has consented, fine!

Icimoi · 08/11/2014 10:42

There is a case for saying that wanting a child's bottom to be constantly encase in a plastic backed nappy is itself somewhat repressed, and not good for the baby.

mallardgreen · 08/11/2014 10:43

But then why keep taking pictures of it? That is the part I find really, really odd.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:44

These pictures travel the potential to go on social media, if op ml is disrespecting op, whose to say she has not or will put them on facebook. Gone are the days where pictures were taken and confined to the family album.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:45

I imo that is your opinion! And your decision to do that to tour dc. Op is not happy with it, as the boy's mother her wishes come first!

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:46

Meant icimoi.

emotionsecho · 08/11/2014 10:48

Is MIL removing the nappy immediately she has the opportunity to do so or not replacing it after changing it?

FluffyMcnuffy · 08/11/2014 10:55

I can't say it would bother me, even if it was a male family member.

Vycount · 08/11/2014 10:55

This isn't clear.
Is mother in law taking off the baby's nappy for an "airing" and letting the baby run around like that. Then at some point taking photos of baby playing and it's purely coincidental that nappy is off?
Or is she removing nappy and then snapping photos of baby's bare behind there and then? (I don't think she is from the post).
Last, is she posting half-naked pics of baby on Facebook? I'm not sure.
I personally don't see a problem with the first option, a lot of people give baby bums an airing from time to time. It's not a public display.
Second option would be weird, unlike some other posters, I don't think that's happening.
FB - well obviously you can ask that any photos of your child are not posted.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 10:57

I don't have my ds 2.9 years running around bare bottomed because I don't want to be cleaning wee and poo off the floor, he is not toilet trained yet.

Lucked · 08/11/2014 11:00

It is certainly a generational thing that children were toilet trained earlier, perhaps she thinks DS should be toilet trained and hope if he gets used to the feel g if no happy he will start refusing to wear one.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:01

Vycount tgat is not the point, I would never dream of doing that to another child not my own, especially without parents agreeing.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/11/2014 11:04

The main issue is the fact you have asked her not to do it.

It doesn't matter why she's doing it, the point is that it's not her choice to make, it is yours.

You feel uncomfortable with it and as the parent you have that right and have the right to bit want it done without your reasons being questioned or downplayed.

Your child, your rules.

Your MIL is purposefully ignoring you and repeatedly doing something you have asked her not to.

If I were you I wouldn't leave your daughter alone with her and explain why.

If this isn't addressed you have a long future ahead of you of MIL thinking she knows what's best, thinking she can override you and who knows what other wishes of yours she will ignore as your daughter gets older.

She's being extremely disrespectful towards you and the fact that you are the parent, not her.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:08

I totally agree writer, that is what a lot of people on here are not getting, it's not about pants vs no pants debate, it's mil not respecting the parents wishes after being asked to stop, keep doing it despite op telling her she us unhappy about it. This can be about anything, weaning, car seat vs no car seat etc.

Vycount · 08/11/2014 11:10

Aeroflotgirl - As far as I'm concerned that is the point. If I trust my mother or in-law to look after my baby, I trust them to not be some sort of pervert who takes baby's nappy off for some sort of cheap thrill. I mean let's face it, that's what some posters on here are insinuating isn't it? Typical MN hysteria.
It's not harming the baby, no perverted photos are being taken, baby is presumably being well cared for or Op wouldn't leave baby there. The photo's aren't as far as I can see being posted on FB, just taken innocently by a grandmother. There are plenty of bare-bum photos of babies in my family albumn for sure, and they're perfectly innocent! The only person losing out in this scenario is the mother in law who probably has to mop up the odd accident from time to time.
Op has "expressed her anger", the photos have been deleted, and as she's been so direct time will tell if the mother has now taken notice.