This is weird and inappropriate isn't it? Or AIBU

[dottytablecloth]

Would you find it weird if a v close family member had an obsession with removing your child's nappy?

Then when you told them NOT to do it, the next time they were alone with your child they did the same thing and took photographs?

It's not sinister, the photographs were shown to me along with others but I'm so uncomfortable with it.

When challenged the person said I put pictures of dc on Facebook so apparently this is worse

I'm horrified that my ds's privacy has been invaded. How very dare this person?

Person is older and apparently likes to 'air' baby's bottom. Ds has no nappy rash etc, never has, he's totally clear, I don't see the need. If there was a need, sure it's up to dh or I to do?

I'm really uncomfortable with this situation, expressed my anger and insisted photos are deleted, have been assured nobody else has seen them.

As I say, I don't believe there was any sinister intent, just stupidity but it's makes my skin crawl that this was done to my almost 2 year old (21 months)

Give me some perspective and AIBU?

Aeroflotgirl, honestly, I think that you are over-dramatising this and reading things into Op's posts that really aren't there.
By extension of that feeling then rusted family members who are babysitting won't be able to change a nappy, because they invade the baby's private areas.
As I said before, intention and context are everything here, and Op hasn't really given enough information to judge those.
What a mad and sad thread, I think I might hide it now.

That is of course trusted family members, although of course they could be rusted as well if they're reached a certain age.

The crux of it is, op is not happy with it, so it should stop. She is not overreacting, he child's privacy is obviously very important in that. I totally agree, yes I take nekkid pictures of dc in the bath or paddling pool, I don't take of the bottom half as I don't agree with it, but that my opinion.

Aeroflot - I'm not sure what you mean. My oldest is 4 and still likes to be naked whenever possible!

No Vycount that is totally different, but If i do not want necked pictures of my child to be taken, that is my right and should be respected. If a childminder did this against my wishes, they I would stop my dc being in their care.

Ghost that's fine, and you are her parent. Op MIL is not, and at the end of the day, this is important to her, so her wishes should be respected.

My parents used to take pictures of me naked and to be honest in later years they made me cringe.

It just feels like taking advantage of their innocence and I don't really like them at all.

As for taking the nappy off - that is UR as the OP has asked her not to. It's like anything else - mil insisting a baby is too cold and putting layers of clothing on or whatever. Just don't do it!

I'm reading that despite the mother asking MIL not to do something the MIL does it anyway.

It is something that frequently happens and then photos of a naked child are being taken.

The most important thing is that the mother feels uncomfortable with it. How often on here are we telling mothers to go with their gut instinct? If OP feels something is 'iffy' about it then that's as good a reason as any to request MIL not do this.

I'm not saying that anything dodgy is going on but seeing as the majority of sexual abuse towards children comes from close family members then absolutely from a young age a child should be taught that their bodies are private?

What age is MIL going to stop this 'airing' and taking naked photos? At what age does it become inappropriate?

I have already said that if Op wants it to stop it should stop. I'm also trying to strongly make the point that I don't think she should read anything sinister into it. This woman is clearly not taking off a child's nappy and taking lewd photos fgs.
Sometimes I read a thread on MN and it just makes me bloody sad.

If the OP and her DH want it to stop then the MIL should absolutely respect that.

But honestly it's in the same category as allowing treats or TV, it's not helpful to the OP to work it up into a child protection issue.

I think there is an issue of context here, the OP hasn't explained very clearly whether or not her MIL is just not immediately replacing the nappy after changing or that she is removing the nappy regardless of whether it required changing or not, and whether or not the photo was of her ds just playing and he just happened to be naked at the time, or that he was naked specifically for the photo to be taken.

I totally agree Writer, and op should trust her instincts, she knows her in laws, we don't. she has said that there is nothing sinister, its just preference isent it. I don't have dc running about without pants on but its up to us, some do, some don't.

But she says she's happy there's nothing sinister in it.

Things can be humiliating for the individual without sinister intentions. I don't doubt for a moment my parents just thought I was cute but I really didn't like the 'naked' pictures and I still don't.

If you feel like that you feel it - no need to be 'sad' about it.

I wish people wouldn't say 'it's a generational thing' and then not say which generation they are talking about! It's possible for a MIL on this site to be from one of several 'generations'

I have a relative with learning difficulties with a mental age of a young child although he's 24.

It wouldn't be okay for me to strip him off and take pictures of him so why is it ok to do it to an actual young child?

None of my parents (in their 50's) it my in-laws (in their 60's) or my grandparents (in their 80's) have never passed a comment about the need for 'airing' or suggested I do it and they certainly haven't initiated it

I'd be fuming and she wouldn't be getting unsupervised access again here.

Well said mallard - I guess it's ok to do whatever you like to children if the child doesn't have the verbal ability to say no.

And even if the child's advocate, the parent says no, that's still not enough of a reason for some

That's pretty much the gist of it writer.

They come from our bodies and we feed them with our bodies but their body is still their body.

the op says she is sure there isn't a sinister motive so ffs stop projecting people

the simple fact is the op doesn't like what her mil is doing and has asked her to stop and that has been ignored. if it was allowing the chikd cola or a mountain of sweets or endless screen time how many of you would be quite so defensive of the mil then

Do you ask your baby's permission before you put a nappy or clothes on them then mallard?

Twenty years ago disposable nappies were really plasticy and nasty and it would have been important to "air" the babies bum. The OPs mil obviously hasn't changed her opinion on the necessity of this.
My mil used to give my ds nappy free time at hers. He peed on her rugs etc. she wasn't bothered and tbh neither was I bothered even though I didn't bother doing this at home.

I don't see the issue except for the fact you clearly seem to have communication issues.

I'm saying this presuming that the photos aren't particularl studies of his naked bum or genitals but are instead just typical cute baby snaps but without his nappy on.

No knowledge of airing here either

I do have a photo of DS starkers apart from little red wellies in the garden in the summer under a sprinkler with the sunlight dancing in his blond hair and off the droplets! It's very pretty but he's naked

As for someone taking off a nappy... NO

My child would not set foot in their house again, they are being U and YANBU.