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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is weird and inappropriate isn't it? Or AIBU

128 replies

dottytablecloth · 08/11/2014 09:30

Would you find it weird if a v close family member had an obsession with removing your child's nappy?

Then when you told them NOT to do it, the next time they were alone with your child they did the same thing and took photographs?

It's not sinister, the photographs were shown to me along with others but I'm so uncomfortable with it.

When challenged the person said I put pictures of dc on Facebook so apparently this is worse Hmm

I'm horrified that my ds's privacy has been invaded. How very dare this person?

Person is older and apparently likes to 'air' baby's bottom. Ds has no nappy rash etc, never has, he's totally clear, I don't see the need. If there was a need, sure it's up to dh or I to do?

I'm really uncomfortable with this situation, expressed my anger and insisted photos are deleted, have been assured nobody else has seen them.

As I say, I don't believe there was any sinister intent, just stupidity but it's makes my skin crawl that this was done to my almost 2 year old (21 months)

Give me some perspective and AIBU?

OP posts:
makapakasdirtysponge · 08/11/2014 11:12

What Vycount said, is she taking his nappy off purposefully so she can take pictures of his bottom?

That would be a bit weird I suppose but seems v unlikely.

I personally think it's a shame children are stuck in nappies all day, they aren't designed to be. My son loves the freedom of running round without a nappy and wearing on the floor and babies' bottoms are cute.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:13

If op is not happy with mil removing his napoy,than she should not allow her ds to be alone with him until he is older, as she cannot respect op feelings as a parent. I feel tge same as op, I trust mil will totally respect my wishes with dc and she does.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/11/2014 11:18

Sorry..yes she could respect your wishes but implying she is some sort of paedophile and couching your AIBU in emotive terms like she took his nappy off and took photos is way OTT sensationalist and somewhat Paedogeddonesque.

makapakasdirtysponge · 08/11/2014 11:18

If the OP was asking her MIL not to take any photos of her DS, would you say that's the mother's right too and the MIL was disrespectful for taking them?

Or would you think maybe OP should pick her battles and relax a bit?

Car seat and weaning are different IMO as they could have a direct impact on your health and well being.

So as Vycount says the nappy thing IS the point.

The way some people talk about PILs you'd think it was about training a dog.

Original poster
dottytablecloth · 08/11/2014 11:18

Thanks for the opinions it is really good to get a range of views!

I just didn't feel comfortable with it at all. To be clear it wasn't my son's bum that was photographed, it was his penis- he was totally in the picture but it wasn't a cute 'chubby bare bum' picture.

She didn't put them on Facebook, just to make that clear.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 08/11/2014 11:20

I let my baby be bare bottomed because I have no issue with it and wouldn't have an issue with some other people letting him bare bottom time in their care BUT (and I may be flamed for it) in my eyes there is a difference between a young baby having a bare bottom on show and a 2 year old having their bottom on show. I can't explain it but I do think the two can't be compared. And I certainly wouldn't want my toddlers bare bottom being repeatedly photographed - it's bizarre.

Two year olds don't need their bottom aired. Fair enough if it's hot outside and the paddling pool is outside and little naked toddlers are splashing about and having fun, but there's no need for a 2 year old to have a bare bottom in the house and be photographed.

SaucyJackOLantern · 08/11/2014 11:22

"Car seat vs no car seat."

So imagine the mother said that she didn't want the GM to use a car seat for the toddler. Would you still say "my child, my rules"? Of course not.

As far as some of us are concerned this is a much milder version of that. There's no question in my mind that nappy-free time is good for children of potty training age.

Thrholidaysarecoming · 08/11/2014 11:25

YANBU.

Is the photo on a camera or phone?

ghostvitruvius · 08/11/2014 11:26

It isn't inappropriate or sinister to take a toddler's nappy off. It better for them to be bare-skinned anyway.

And taking photos of a naked toddler isn't inappropriate either. I have 2 boys and have lots of photos with penises in them.

The issue is that you've asked her to do something and she isn't complying. It could equally be giving him biscuits or letting him stay up late.

I guess you have to decide whether not obeying your instructions is important enough to restrict her from being alone with him.

For me, this wouldn't even be on my radar (but then I let biscuits and late nights slide as well). But if it is a deal breaker for you, then you are the parent. Is your DH in agreement?

Vycount · 08/11/2014 11:26

Op, I suspect that you are over-reacting and whatever body part is in the pictures it's not the subject of the pictures, he just happens to be bare below the belt. But only you saw the photos so only you can decide.
If it's a big deal for you then you'll need to change babysitting arrangements, but if everything else your mother in law does is perfectly fine then I'd think on a bit before doing that personally. You can see from this post that many people would let babies run around partially clothed from time to time and think it's no big deal in the privacy of the home.

CrispyFern · 08/11/2014 11:27

To be honest, I think you are being a bit precious.

WiggleGinger · 08/11/2014 11:27

I'm with the OP its strange so no YANBU

If DS is just visiting for an hour or so where is the need for an airing??

My main gripe lies with her ignoring your very reasonable request for her to stop doing it.

Those likening it to using / not using a car seat as an example are just being ridiculous!

Reiterate your dislike of her actions & get you DH on board! There really is no need for her to do this & no need for his genitals to be photographed!

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:28

Op I agree, and I would not be happy for anybody to photograph my dcs genitals, they are private and for themselves. No I would not trust my MIL to look after my ds if I know she is going to take his nappy off and photograph is penis, no. Gone are the days where these cute baby bum photos remained in the back of the family album, could you trust your MIL not to put them on the net or social media, if she blatently disrespects op wishes. Why should she want to photograph op ds penis more than once, it is strange.

Thrholidaysarecoming · 08/11/2014 11:29

I don't think it's hysteria. What if it was a grandfather taking pictures of a little girls privates?

It's not needed.

I'd asked her to delete them. If you post pictures of your own dc that's down to you. She can't use that as an excuse. I had to stop mil reposting my pictures of dd on her facebook as her page was open to the public.

ghostvitruvius · 08/11/2014 11:30

Is she "taking photos of genitals" or "taking photos of a child who happens to no have a nappy on"?

emotionsecho · 08/11/2014 11:30

I think Vycount put it well, is your MIL whipping off the nappy the minute ds is alone with her or is she just not putting a clean one on immediately after changing and allowing him to run around for a while naked from the waist down?

Inertia · 08/11/2014 11:31

So if you're of the opinion that children should have nappy free time, then make those arrangements with people that care for your children. OP doesn't share that opinion. And she isn't happy with photographs being taken either - and there is really no possible health benefit if the relative takes photographs of the child with no nappy.

Comparisons with car seats are ridiculous- it's dangerous to for a child to travel without a car seat, and the consequences are potentially fatal. Lack of nappy-free time might results in a bit of a nappy rash at worst.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:31

Exactly thrholiday, ghost, this is not more than once, she does it often. Yes for me it is strange, especially the person taking it is not the child's parents and has been asked quite rightly not to.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:33

What if it was FIL taking pictures, yes most of you would be up in arms. For me this situation is not right, op wishes should be respected. Op I would not leave him alone in their care until you can gurantee this does not happen.

LynetteScavo · 08/11/2014 11:34

This is exactly the kind of thing my DM would do.
She would also think at 21 months nappies shouldn't be used at all.
Definitely a generation thing.

Vycount · 08/11/2014 11:37

Context and intent are everything here. Innocent pics of a baby that happens to be a bit naked are one thing (front or back view irrelevant, it's a baby with family in a private house!). Zooming in to take pictures of genitals of course is something completely different. But that I'm pretty sure from what Op's said that isn't happening here.

I actually think that it's really sad that we've got to a point where so many people see something wrong in a baby running about and playing with no nappy on.

We don't know if she's going to continue after Op's latest outburst do we? That's really another issue. Op needs to calmly sit down with her and say "You know I don't like you taking his nappy off and letting him run around like that. Do you think that now I've said that clearly you can promise that you won't do it again?".

Vycount · 08/11/2014 11:38

And no, I would not be up in arms if the father in law was doing this, if it was in the context of my first sentence above. We all have the capacity to be innocent around children, whatever our gender.

SaucyJackOLantern · 08/11/2014 11:38

I have no idea if my FIL took any pictures of DD3 on any of the occasions she's been starkers in their back garden. I know he had the camera out tho.

Nor do I care either because I'm not an hysterical nutjob who sees paedofiddlers round every corner

Vycount · 08/11/2014 11:39

"She does it often..." Yes, and my Mum often took photos of my babies too. It was because she loved to look at photos of them playing and being happy.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/11/2014 11:43

How are we going to teach our children, that their bodies and private areas are their own and private, if we agree with what op MIL is doing.