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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

IWBU but by how much?-waiting in a disabled space?

267 replies

CrohnicallyAnxious · 07/11/2014 19:59

Mitigating circumstances:
Waiting for a family member who has recently had serious surgery and can't walk far, or stand for long and isn't supposed to be out in the cold/wet to come out of the doctors
I knew she was on her way out so would only be there a few minutes at most
The only other available spaces were on the other side of the car park
There is no designated waiting or pick up area, and narrow lanes/one way round the car park meant nowhere to pull over and wait without blocking any other drivers
There was more than one disabled space so I wasn't depriving anyone of the ability to park
I waited in the car and would have seen if the other spaces became in use and would have moved to allow a bb holder to park in mine if need be

I pulled into the BB space as it seemed the most sensible thing to do at the time, but in the maybe 2 or 3 minutes I was there (same song was still playing on the radio) 3 people came past and gave me dirty looks. So how unreasonable was I to have used the BB space to pick up my family member?

OP posts:
pissinmy2shoes · 08/11/2014 10:21

unless you have a BB you can not park in a BB bay
it is so easy.

TheFairyCaravan · 08/11/2014 10:27

vdb you can defend your use of the disabled space all you like, but imo you were wrong. You say you've had your injury for 3 months and still can't walk? Yes, well I've had mine 18 years and will never walk unaided again!

The inconveniences you describe are my life, not being able to get to toilets, get into buildings, shopping centres, things being too far away etc. As well as that, you have to factor in you might not be able to get out of the car when you get to your destination because people have parked in the disabled bays without a BB!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/11/2014 10:27

Walking You are normalising unacceptable behaviour by being in a disabled space without a badge. And that makes it worse for every disabled person. Do you really not care about that?

BlueberryWafer · 08/11/2014 10:33

Ywnbu as you were going to move if need be. But the other people weren't bu either for giving you dirty looks as they weren't to know you would have moved. No unreasonableness imo Grin

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/11/2014 10:35

It doesn't matter if someone is going to move if need be. They just shouldn't be there.

WalkingInMemphis · 08/11/2014 10:38

Walking You are normalising unacceptable behaviour by being in a disabled space without a badge. And that makes it worse for every disabled person. Do you really not care about that?

I'll answer that honestly and open myself up for an ear bashing.

For my particular actions - not parking, but waiting, with the engine running, whilst there are many other disabled spaces available - no, I don't care. It's not something i'll lose sleep over, not something I see as a problem, and it's something I will probably do again.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/11/2014 10:41

Walking..is your dh really lazy?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/11/2014 10:42

And it's lucky others see it as a problem or BB holders would never get a space due to people constantly waiting in the spaces because they can't be arsed walking a few extra feet.

BackOnlyBriefly · 08/11/2014 10:43

You were fine. A lot of people said 'yes but how were people to know you were prepared to move' etc.

Well there's a lesson there. If people see someone and don't know for sure if they are doing something wrong or going to do something wrong then they should keep out of it.

It's different if you know someone is doing something wrong, but a gut feeling doesn't give you any authority.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/11/2014 10:44

Walking you sound lovely Hmm

I genuinely hope you are never in a position where you can't find the blue badge space you need because they are all filled up by people who think, "Well everyone else does it".

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/11/2014 10:50

Back Yep us disabled people should assume everyone parking in our spaces without a badge is lovely, and perfectly willing to move. Because that has been our experience in the past hasn't it?

No actually. People who do this are very often abusive, aggressive, entitled fuckers. Personally I give them a wide berth, I have learned better than to challenge anyone, or even lurk around a space with intent.

Fortunately my DP is rather more robust.

WalkingInMemphis · 08/11/2014 10:54

No, dh isn't really lazy. I just park as close as possible to wait - not unusual really (if you take out the whole disabled space debate). No one would choose to park miles away just to prove their non-laziness.

I genuinely hope you are never in a position where you can't find the blue badge space you need because they are all filled up by people who think, "Well everyone else does it".

I get that you're trying to make a point, but really don't see the relevance of this to what I've posted. I've never 'filled up' any disabled bays, leaving them unavailable. I'm not of the opinion that this is OK because 'everyone else does it'. And I have been a blue badge holder myself in the past, temporarily. So I completely get how frustrating it is when non-badge holders park in the last available space, and think they're selfish fuckers for doing so.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/11/2014 10:57

But the closest it is possible to wait is the closest non disabled space.

Mrsjayy · 08/11/2014 10:58

Thing is disabled parking space s are not all blu3 badge spaces they are just disabled spaces iyswim yanbu to use the space especially at the Drs some folk just have catbu faces about everything

WalkingInMemphis · 08/11/2014 11:02

I suppose that's what the whole debate is about Fanjo.

Personally I don't see a problem in waiting in a disabled space (note: waiting, not parking) if there are plenty of others available. You're not preventing any genuine user from using them.

I've been thinking about this and wondering if I am bu. But I genuinely can't see a problem. At all.

I suppose i'd liken it to using a disabled toilet. I would never use a disabled toilet, making it completely unavailable for anyone else who came along. But, if it was the closest, I would happily nip in to grab some tissue and help one of the dc blow their nose whilst in there, with the door open. Because we can easily leave when anyone else appears in the doorway - you're not preventing another user from using the facility.

If that makes sense?

Dawndonnaagain · 08/11/2014 11:03

I am 18. I am a wheelchair/stick user. I rather think pepole like you, Walking are cruel. Mum made the point further up the page that it's not just about making sure there is one space available, it's also about the continuing fight we have, day by relentless day, to get out of bed, to get dressed, to get out of the house, to school in my case, where even there, some lazy bastard uses the BB space on occasion.
So, you're not going to lose any sleep over it, whoop di do, that must be pleasant for you. I lose sleep every night, partly due to my disability and partly due to the worries I have surrounding my disability, including am I going to be able to get on a bus because the buggy using Mummies and their pfbs can't/won't hold their sleeping babies, or am I going to have to fight to get into a blue badge space because a lazy/uncaring/smug git is using it. As was pointed out, you have no idea how many people are waiting to use a space, you may be in one, with one free, but there may well be more than one person looking for the spaces, plural, of which you are occupying one. We're not so unusual that only one of us ever uses a space you know.
Dawndonna's dd.

WalkingInMemphis · 08/11/2014 11:08

I'm sorry you feel that was Dawndonna's dd, and if you are struggling with your disability.

Again though, I really don't see the relevance between what I've posted and pfbs using disabled spaces on buses for their prams.

As was pointed out, you have no idea how many people are waiting to use a space, you may be in one, with one free, but there may well be more than one person looking for the spaces

If the last space (other than the one I was waiting in) was taken, i'd move. So again, sorry, but I don't see how that's relevant.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/11/2014 11:15

People have told you why it is an issue for them. If you choose to ignore them as it saves your DH walking for an extra 10 seconds that's up to you.

Dawndonnaagain · 08/11/2014 11:16

As other people have said, you don't know how many need the space, you don't know if the person has their BB in the glove box, you don't know how difficult it is for someone to get out and ask you, physically or mentally. Oh, and if it's a BB space on the street, I take pictures and give them to the police. They do chase it up, they've started doing so this year, and they'll be round with their little book of fines. It's illegal on the highway and in council carparks as well as a few other places (school included).
Anyway, I've got things to do.
Dawndonna's dd.

marsybum · 08/11/2014 11:20

Temporary badges wouldn't work - I've been waiting since July for a BB assessment by my local council, so if my inability to walk any distance was temporary I would be better by now...

TheFairyCaravan · 08/11/2014 11:21

Walking why don't you wait in a P&C space, or a normal space? Why does it have to be a disabled space?

I really can't understand this, I can't. We can all drive in our family. The only time any of us would think to use a disabled space is if I am in the car and I am getting out of the car. Or, when DH picked me up from hospital following a GA last Friday.

Not one of our extended family, or friends, not even the 17-20 year old lads we know, would even think to park or wait in a BB space.

TheFairyCaravan · 08/11/2014 11:23

Oh and how do people know that someone coming along needs the space? How would you tell just by looking at them?

KatieKaye · 08/11/2014 11:26

IMO the point Dawndonna is asking is that it is the casual thoughtlessness of people that negates things like disabled parking spaces, wheelchair spaces on buses etc.
the attitude of "well, I don't actually care about the potential impact on other people and I'll keep on doing it because it makes life easier for me" is quite heart-breaking for those on whom it impacts negatively.

It's the attitude and wilfull ignorance of people that is the real problem. And the fact they see their convenience/laziness as more important than allowing a disabled person to go about their life.

the OP said from the start that she was probably being U and apologised gracefully. Kudos to her. But how sad to see the selfishness of other who believe their convenience trumps everything.

Dayshiftdoris · 08/11/2014 11:33

For a time I was in a wheelchair, I was inpatient even and when I was using the chair (about 6 weeks) on the handful of occasions I went out we pulled in a disabled space, I was offloaded then my friend moved her car to park elsewhere.

I was left sitting in a car park and on one occasion laughed at.

I was also snarled at for using a disabled loo as I had no radar key so my friend had gone to ask and someone else with a 'real disability' (as they termed it) pointed out that if I was 'really disabled' I would have a key.

It got worse when I was on crutches as I had significant weakness in my thighs. I couldn't get off a loo without hand rails... Yet I was verbally abused leaving a toilet on crutches.

Whilst I dont have a life long disability at that time I couldn't function outside hospital without some simple supports. With them I could be a parent and be independent but it opened my eyes to how we make people pass a test of disability before we 'allow' them support. However, if we don't allow the support you make them MORE 'disabled' than the people who are considered 'disabled'

My son is disabled (ASD) yet his needs are never met out and about. The DDA is not just about parking spaces and toilets or mobility.

Oh and how I fixed the above....

Friend parked in parent bays and went to the supermarket with a baby change that had a loo Grin.

Friend had a baby so we were legit

Original poster
CrohnicallyAnxious · 08/11/2014 11:39

Couldn't a temporary badge be issued by a GP? Seeing as my relative was at the Drs getting a sick note. If the GP can sign you off as temporarily unfit for work and get you SSP but you need a full assessment before getting long term sickness benefits, surely it follows that a GP could issue a temporary permit allowing some benefits such as use of BB spaces but still needing to pay for parking in pay and display car parks? Along with a corresponding increase in the number of bb spaces available.

OP posts: