Relatives inviting themselves at Christmas

[morrisseysmum]

My mum emailed today to ask if she and my dad could come visit between Christmas and New Year. They already know we have plans at Christmas for a quiet one, with just my sister (their daughter) and her husband, who live abroad, and who we've not seen in 18 months (they saw them three weeks ago).

We're expecting their second grandchild end of November.

I emailed back saying no, but what about coming mid-December when it's more convenient for us?

Lo and behold, they replied saying mid-December wouldn't be convenient, and that they'd found an irresistible deal in a hotel 3 miles away for the week between Christmas and New Year and made an impulsive decision to go ahead and book anyway.

They told me "you'll want to settle in with the newborn first before having anyone to stay so we decided to leave it a few weeks" - I was so flummoxed that they've gone against my wishes, and for the fact they've pretty much invited themselves, and then have the cheek to say it's not convenient when we suggest!!

I replied saying that they should have consulted me first, and my sister and her husband, as this will really change things for their stay, as they won't be able to spend as much quality time with their niece and future nephew as if my parents weren't around (they'll want to take the older child out for the day a lot of the time)

Now I feel like a heartless cow, but feel like the decision has been taken out of my hands as if I'm not a grown woman entitled to her own opinion. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and at the end of my tether. Not to mention DH, who doesn't get on with them at the best of times!!

My mum is coming on her own to help out with the older child for the imminent birth, so don't want there to be any negativity, but I just can't believe it.

AIBU?

I think pp are forgetting that OP is heavily pregnant and therefore has a get out of jail card to be as unreasonable as she likes!!

Really?

Not in my world (or in most of the rest of it either)

Oh for gawds sake, i'm being lighthearted i don't seriously mean pregnant women can go around drowing kittens and taking sweets off of small children. I'm just pointing out that pregnant women can be hormonal and a bit crazy at times and they should be cut some slack,

The OP started a thread to vent about something that had her worked up and to ask for advice/opinion on whether she was BU.

What she gets instead is a long string of nasty comments. Blimey, most of the time MN is a really lovely supportive place, but this thread is why I avoid AIBU usually, as it is just a place for people to be mean a lot of the time.

Anyhow, as OP has (very wisely I think) not come back to the thread I'm going to bow out.

I would be devestated if my DC grew up to be as selfish as you are being

I don't think anyone has been particularly nasty, they are just saying that if they were her parents they would find her behaviour hurtful, and that she is being unreasonable. She did ask!

Well past, if you're as un-empathetic and blunt to your DC as you are here to a heavily pregnant and upset woman then you might reap what you sow...

Right, definitely leaving now as this thread is unpleasant.

Titch that was a bit uncalled for! The op ASKED for opinions. If your opinion is that the op is being very selfish and you would be gutted if your children treated you like that, how would you phrase it??

So is the op going to come back and answer any of the posts?

I don't think anyone has been nasty, but as they say the truth can sometimes hurt. By the way YABVU.

I don't think anyone has been nasty, either.

My parents tend to come to us for Christmas. They always ask every year though and say if we don't want them that's fine (genuinely, not passive aggressively!). However, I think they'd be pretty upset if my brother and I were having Christmas together and they were excluded. Do you have any other siblings? If not you're basically cutting them off from their nuclear family.

I don't thing being pregnant is an excuse for being mean and selfish.

OP, YABVU.

Sorry past, yes you're right happy, in hindsight my post in response to yours was overly harsh. I was responding to posts like the one where the OP was referred to as a "prize bitch", not nice!

I got the impression OP wrote her post to vent after getting worked up after getting her mum's e-mail (I was assuming they have a history for making decisions without consulting but I could well be wrong).

But OP does seem to have abandoned the thread so we might not find out any more...

I wonder how the OP would feel if her parents invited the sister and her DH to theirs for Christmas, but made it clear in no uncertain terms that the OP and her family weren't welcome.

titchy apology or not your post directed at me was easily the most unpleasant on this thread.

YABU sorry

The OP needs to provide a bit more info if that's the case though, otherwise it just seems like a petulant strop. And I can't be doing with the "I'm pwegnant so I can fuck off whoever I like" malarkey, which some pp's seem to think is a viable outlook on life.

Not all families are happy ones, for a multitude of reasons.

They're happy enough for her mother to come to look after the OP's DC when she gives birth...

Jennifer the thing that gives posters carte blanche to give their opinions is the OP posting in AIBU

I think posters can post what they like until their assumptions are corrected or commented on by a return from the OP Jennifer.

Unless there is an enormous back story it sounds like you are being an utter bitch. Sorry.

Margot OP would post about how awful it feels to be disregarded and left out at Christmas by close family

I think its a bit ridiculous, hormonal or not. They've booked a hotel 3 miles away - they've hardly arranged to top and tail with you + DH.

I find posts like yours quite upsetting tbh.

You are accepting your Mums help with your eldest over the period you will be giving birth but are seemingly massively put out that she has the audacity to wanto spend a bit of Xmas with her family?????

How much can it be putting you out if they are going to be In a hotel.

Is there a massive backstory to all this as I just can't understand why anyone would NOT want to see their own Mother at Xmas unless there has been abuse or neglect in the family?????

You sound selfish, I hope my kids think more of me in years to come!!