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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally pissed off with DB

146 replies

dontknowwhatnametopick · 06/11/2014 12:47

I have been seeing my DB for almost 7 months now and in October it was his birthday. I decided that I would take him away for the weekend. I made the effort to look for somewhere really nice and paid quite a bit of money for the room for the 2 nights. I am on a pitiful NHS wage and quite high rent and also have a DS who is alomst 5 so money is tight, dipped into savings for this as I really wanted to do something nice for him. This weekend also fell on our 6 month anniversary.

So on the 2nd night I had booked a lovely restaurant took him out for a birthday meal and he produces me a gift of ear rings telling me its to mark our 6 months, lovely I thought, a guy has actually made the effort to go out and do something like this.

I then find out that there has actually been no effort at all he has bought them off groupon for next to nothing. I am not pissed off at how much they were I am pissed off for the little effort.

When we have date nights we do use groupon and thats fine but AIBU to think that when its for something a little special then some fucking effort should be made!!!

OP posts:

velvetspoon · 07/11/2014 08:58

I bought my bf a little present to mark 6 months together. He didn't buy me anything but he did get me something when we'd been together 3 months. Both gifts were under £10, it was more a little token than any need to give a big flashy present.

As others have said I don't think the issue is his gift, but that you spent more than you felt comfortable with. Maybe you need to consider why you felt the need to be so extravagant - do you feel you're not quite good enough for him?

Roussette · 07/11/2014 09:30

You are being ridiculous. Why, after 6 months together, did you decide to spend so much money on his birthday? Bonkers. From your first post it seems as if it was a weekend away to celebrate his birthday and nothing to do with 6 months of going out. For a bloke to take note of the fact that 6 months has passed and to go to the effort of buying something for you to mark that fact, is pretty amazing.

And yet you are pissed off. How do you know they were from Groupon? I've got a feeling you googled this and found it out which is pretty mean when he was thoughtful and kind and bought you a gift.

As an aside, 2 nights away given as a birthday present after only 6 months together is totally OTT. A long time ago I had a relationship with someone who was forever showering me with gifts and stuff like this and I felt uncomfortable about it as I didn't ask for it and I didn't want it. He made me feel like I 'owed' him, it's hard to explain, but it was almost like he felt he owned me and I should be perfect because he bought me presents.

Stop with the OTT gestures and just enjoy your relationship.

JackSkellington · 07/11/2014 09:41

So he saw something you might like, and bought it for you? And you're complaining? I know you say it isn't about the money but it clearly is. I've bought things off sites like Groupon for DP before after browsing for a while for something he might like and finding something there.

Also, as other posters have said, 6 months is not an anniversary that requires a gift, DP and I won't even celebrate our 1 month wedding anniversary with gifts etc., just the yearly ones.

I've found myself hoping the poor guy finds someone a bit more appreciative than the OP.

Original poster

dontknowwhatnametopick · 07/11/2014 09:55

ok ok you can all get off my back now. Your all totally right, yesterday was a horrific day and ive took something and blew it out of proportion to try and vent my anger with something else.

I did sound like a spoiled brat and thats not me, gave myself a good talking to!

OP posts:

Mrsantithetic · 07/11/2014 09:57

If my dh didn't use a money off voucher when he could have I wouldn't be impressed!

pictish · 07/11/2014 10:03

Gaaahh - films and tv have a lot to answer for.

OP - I actually think the birthday weekend was too much. You say yourself you don't earn big, and you had to dip into savings to cover it. It's quite overblown for a new boyfriend of a few months. Did you see it as some kind of investment? Because that's what it reads like....like he owes you now, and his thoughtful, unexpected, romantic earrings don't cut the mustard.

Well let me tell you...real relationships are nothing like the ones you see in romantic comedies starring Jason bloody Segal or whatever.

Six month anniversaries are not a thing.
A Groupon deal gift under those circumstances was more than fine, given a gift wasn't necessary at all.
You chose to blow all that cash on his birthday. Silly you. I wouldn't like to be him when your birthday rolls around. I couldn't afford you.

Suggest lowering your expectations regarding grand gestures a lot. What they mean is not in direct correlation with what they cost.

pictish · 07/11/2014 10:08

Fuck x posted.

Good for you OP! I'm no stranger to administering a self slap myself. We all need one from time to time.

But please...don't throw your hard earned savings away like that on some fella who is only months in. Keep ter tuppence in yer purse for now. Fwiw, he sounds nice. x

Original poster

dontknowwhatnametopick · 07/11/2014 10:20

pictish...he is lovely and totally didnt deserve yesterday. Its true what they say you take things out on the ones you most care about! The fact is I LOVE the ear rings and since he gave me them in October they have not been out my ears!

I just needed a good slap!

OP posts:

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 07/11/2014 11:01

Yabu. I wouldn't even count 6 months as anything so the fact he got something at all is wonderful.

addictedtobass · 07/11/2014 16:46

Spank yourself OP :) At least you recognised it.

Toomuchstuff12 · 07/11/2014 18:48

There is no such thing as a six month anniversary.
YABU

Itsfab · 07/11/2014 19:14

This happened in October then something happened yesterday that was "horrific" and you remembered the weekend and got pissed off? .

HaroldLloyd · 07/11/2014 19:17

Come on leave her be, what do you want, a pair of earrings from an online discounter?

ImTheOneThatKnocks · 07/11/2014 19:30

Fair play OP for admitting your unreasonableness.

Take things slowly and give your relationship time to grow. There is no need to rush into big gestures.

Itsfab · 07/11/2014 19:31

Just asking a question.

Allstoppedup · 07/11/2014 19:40

I assumed OP only found out about them being from Groupon yesterday?

Spadequeen · 08/11/2014 00:12

Hope you've had a better day today op.

slithytove · 08/11/2014 00:42

One of the nicest presents I got was when DH was out picking up some bits from the supermarket.

He bought me a book for £3.

No effort as he was already there, minimal cost. But the fact that he saw something he thought I'd like and got it for no reason other than to make me happy, made it a lovely gift.

I think you need to reassess your attitude. The standard you seem to strive for is unrealistic long term. Fwiw, your Db sounds like a nice guy.

slithytove · 08/11/2014 00:53

You have reassessed good for you. Hope tomorrow (today!) is better. Nice that you like the earrings.

mommy0601 · 08/11/2014 01:03

I understand your point of view and I think people here misunderstood you.

I am not one of those women who do 6months anniversary like you, I just would never remember. It took me a while to remember my husbands birthday date (we were already married)..... Ashamed to admit that but yes.. dates for me are a nightmare..
However I am aware women do it and have nothing against it. Chill out people, its not like she's harming you and it is hers and her boyfriend's business if they do 6 months anniversary.. You don't have to be so rude ;/

I think, though, you should remember men are men, and they don't put as much effort into this kind of stuff like women do.

VanGogh · 08/11/2014 12:28

YABFU!!!

His birthday. His present.

He went beyond and treated you.

You're rude and ungrateful. There is more to a gift than the money spent.

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