to be totally pissed off with DB

[dontknowwhatnametopick]

I have been seeing my DB for almost 7 months now and in October it was his birthday. I decided that I would take him away for the weekend. I made the effort to look for somewhere really nice and paid quite a bit of money for the room for the 2 nights. I am on a pitiful NHS wage and quite high rent and also have a DS who is alomst 5 so money is tight, dipped into savings for this as I really wanted to do something nice for him. This weekend also fell on our 6 month anniversary.

So on the 2nd night I had booked a lovely restaurant took him out for a birthday meal and he produces me a gift of ear rings telling me its to mark our 6 months, lovely I thought, a guy has actually made the effort to go out and do something like this.

I then find out that there has actually been no effort at all he has bought them off groupon for next to nothing. I am not pissed off at how much they were I am pissed off for the little effort.

When we have date nights we do use groupon and thats fine but AIBU to think that when its for something a little special then some fucking effort should be made!!!

Wow. If my DP had thought to buy anything (of groupon or anywhere!) without direct instruction I would be surprised! He is very lovely but just not very organised so it would show he had thought enough about it to look for and order something, especially if it wasn't ACTUALLY an anniversary.

YABspectacularlyU!

And if you didn't have the money, you shouldn't have booked an expensive weekend.

Maybe look at why you feel the need to seek validation of your relationship in expensive shows of affection?

I don't understand what you mean by effort though. What should he have done? Or what did he make out he had done?

How does one go to 'extreme effort' to buy earrings?
what were you expecting him to have done?

Bloody hell woman, he bought you a gift for a 6 month anniversary, what do you want, blood? I mean 6 months isn't even an anniversary! He did something nice for you, bought you a gift which you appear to like but when you found out he didn't spend ages hunting the shops for the gift, you are upset.

YA most definitely BU.

He actually said he'd'made loads of effort'? I doubt that.

YABU.

Did you let him know you were pissed off at his present?!

Point being...for My DP that would have been a lot of effort, so maybe your DP wasn't exaggerating the effort put in and genuinely thinks he did go out of his way . if that is what you are actually genuinely bothered about and not the cost involved

My point is I dont have a big budget but something special was coming up (his birthday) and I have spent my TIME and EFFORT in finding somewhere and paying for something I didnt neccesarily have the money for because it was going to special for him.

Your mistake is in expecting other people to act the same way you do.

You should not have financially stretched yourself for a birthday and if you are giving a gift (the weekend away and the meal) you should do so without strings. It feels to me like you are being a martyr over this weekend and actually now you are going to lord it over him. You chose to spend the TIME and EFFORT and MONEY. That was your choice. No one forced you.

You need to get over yourself, quite frankly. He bought you a present. Why do you need to find fault with it?

If said earrings would have cost £100 more would they have been acceptable?

What effort did you expect With regard to buying earrings? I don't get it. He saw some and bought some. Is it because he didn't actually go to a shop?

What difference in effort is there to buying something with groupon to not buying something with groupon.

Were you expecting him to hammer the earrings out himself?
YWBU

dontknowwhatnametopick, OP? What about LudicrouslyHighMaintenance? Or ReallyRatherGrasping?

The occasion was his birthday. You chose to spend a lot of money you don't have taking him away for the weekend. Lovely. Your money, your choice.

He chose to buy you some earrings. He didn't have to. That was very nice of him. Wasn't it? You haven't actually said if you like them or not. And just because they were Groupon, how d'you know he hadn't made any effort? Did he say that? How do you know he hadn't been round the shops already?

IF DH gets me something and I like it, I couldn't give a fig how much it cost or what effort went into it.

Wow. Yabu. Totally.

I really need to know what effort means in this instance. Is it literally going to a shop, finding the perfect gift then go to all of the other shops just to make sure then back to the first to buy them?

Not that he needed to buy anything as 6 months is not an anniversary, the clue is in the name.

Its going to be one of those AIBU

OP - 'Am I being unreasonable?'
1000 posters - 'Yes!'
OP- 'Well I don't think I am'.

If three people at a party tell you you are drunk, don't drive home!

Am at a bit of a loss, you were doing something very nice for your boyfriend's birthday which happened to fall on your 6 month anniverary. You chose to spend and arrange stuff and he had the bright idea of bringing along a gift for you but you're cross?

Is it possible you are thinking back to your ex and comparing this boyfriend to ex in some way, were you always the one previously to make the effort and think up nice surprises and treats?

OP if he hadn't got you anything at all would you be more, or less, annoyed?
Just wondering whether it was the fact that he made out he'd made effort when in your opinion he hadn't.
I've never had a 6 month anniversary weekend/dinner/present so I'd just be happy that I got something on his birthday weekend!!

It was his birthday or did I misunderstand?

I hope he finds someone nicer than you OP . Unbelievable .

It feels to me like you are being a martyr over this weekend and actually now you are going to lord it over him. I think slice has it.

Don't do this OP. You have not been sensible with your money. I think it is very foolish to spend so much money on a man you have been seeing for 6 months, when you earn little and when you have a child.

He gave you a lovely gift. Why are you feeling ungracious about it because he didn't traipse around shops and spend more on it?

So if the same earrings had cost more money from a physical shop, you would have no issue with them?

Groupon deals are usually the same product or service at a lower price so just a different way of buying.

I don't see the afternoon tea in a London hotel that a few of us had through a Groupon deal as being any less special because we paid £10 each not £30 at £30 it would have been a total rip off.

Oh heck I'd feel completely uncomfortable if someone took me away for a weekend for my birthday after only seeing them for 6months.

Especially if I thought they'd be expecting such gestures.

As for a gift for 6months "anniversary"-hahahahaha!

You'd have got bugger all from me.

Doesn't a year have to pass before an anniversary can happen?

yabvu to be pissed off with him.

Have you scared him off?

6 month anniversary?? Ha ha ha! How can 6 months be an ANNIversary of anything?
If you were going to resent the TIME & EFFORT you spent then you really should not have bothered.
I would hate a gift of time and effort that someone was going to throw in my face if I did not match it.
You didn't give your Boyfriend a gift at all - it came with expectations and conditions that he was unaware of.
I think you did it for you rather than him - so you could pat yourself on the back.

You think something only has value if it took a fortnight to track it down and a month's salary to pay for it?

That really isn't true and what's more, it would be exhausting.

I have endured 16 years of servitude and some of the nicest things I have given and been given have been things bought on a whim, with no planning or effort. And little cost.

Doing something nice for someone does not have to be akin to the 12 labours of Hercules.

Hassle and expense are not evidence of love

You don't have to spend money you don't have or a fortnight of your time in order to do something nice and thoughtful.

I think that something given freely with love is worth a million things given because they are expected and demanded as proof of something.

Dial it down a bit You have been going out with a bloke for six months and he bought you some earrings. And he thinks 6 months is an anniversary. You could do worse.