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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to even be considering this (private school related)?

276 replies

pickledsiblings · 05/11/2014 23:24

40 minute drive to a Park & Ride

20 minute bus journey

10 minute walk

Would I be insane to consider doing this with my 7 year old as a daily commute/school run (and the reverse journey home again)?

School is a-maz-ing and just 'round the corner from potential new job.

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 06/11/2014 11:48

Thanks, but it was great in the long term, as we moved him into a school he really loved. Just had to put up with the inconvenient logistics of 5 miles and no local bus -- but reading the OP, I think we probably commuted there and back in the time she'd need to leave as 'wiggle room'!

lljkk · 06/11/2014 11:49

There will always be nicer schools, nicer clothes, nicer cars, nicer toys -- that we could pursue. Most of the time most of us settle for adequate rather than going for the very nicest possible option, even if we could afford it (somehow, perhaps at a stretch).

If you'd love the job then go for that but hold fire on planning too much else just yet.

My hat off to you if you could work FT with 3 kids & all that commuting.

wobblyweebles · 06/11/2014 11:50

OP you are currently a SAHM?

If you take the job what are your childcare plans for holidays, half terms, inset days, and days when a child is sick?

Lancelottie · 06/11/2014 11:51

Just a thought: long-term, could you move much nearer, and then get the oldest child to commute back to his or her current school? The trains and roads heading out of Cambridge are a lot less busy than the ones going in.

Lancelottie · 06/11/2014 11:52

Actually, scrap that if you're currently halfway down the trainline to London; it would be just as bad on the train.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 11:53

More info in case it helps. I have been working in this beautiful city for the last 2 years (part-time) so I know my way around and I am aware of the traffic issues.

For those asking about the job, it's not specialist, it's just a big employer so there is a good chance of working there as I have a good skills set match. There may be other employment opportunities closer to home but I don't think they will be as well paid or with such good prospects (I have looked).

As a family we are not 'rich' enough to fully commit to the private school route nor are we 'poor' enough to completely rule it out. As such the DC have had bits and pieces of their primary education in the private sector:

DC1 = 4.5 years (nursery + preprep at one school and prep at a different school)
DC2 = 2.5 years (nursery at one school and preprep at another)
DC3 = 1 year (nursery)

I am a governor of our local primary school and whilst it is great DC3 would definitely benefit by being at the city school, of that I'm sure.

OP posts:
MamaMed · 06/11/2014 11:56

Pickled, have you looked into the guided bus? Can you catch it from anywhere? I know from Trumpington it is pretty fast, and goes straight into train station. Maybe you can park up and then catch it?

MamaMed · 06/11/2014 11:59

Btw OP, I think people are giving you a hard time. In your situation, I think I would take it up.

Also, you could negotiate hours with your employer too. I'm hugely guessing here but if its Cambridge Assessment, I know some people there who started at 7 and left at 3 etc. they also end the day at 4 on Friday.

ifink · 06/11/2014 12:01

Don't do it, I spent my years aged 9 to 16 on that friggin train to Cambridge to go to one of its 'elite' schools....I ended up begging my parents to let me go to a boarding school. The commute (10 min drive, 35 train and 20 minute walk) consumed my day and entire social life. I was miserable, I watched my friends go on play dates and later parties which I lived too far away from to join in. I assume the same could be said for any school commute, doesn't matter where really.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 12:06

Hak, DH would be available to do after school pick ups.

Lancelottie glad it worked out in the end. If DC3 didn't like the school then I would give up job and things would return to normal.

I am a primarily a SAHM and have been so for 13 years although I have managed to build up a fairly reasonable CV by working part time (last 2 years) and one stint of full time (6 weeks 2 years ago) and doing some 'consulting' from home for about 8 years, all in the same field. So 'only' 5 years fully out of the workplace. I am ready for a full time job now but not if it sends everything else into turmoil.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 06/11/2014 12:06

Can I ask- is the fact that you are ignoring suggestions of after school nannies and so on because you have already decided you want you child to go to this school and only want people to tell you that the commute is perfectly fine? Is that why you put (private school related) in your thread title, rather than (new job related)?

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 12:07

MamaMed, you're good Wink. Will have a look at guided bus thanks.

OP posts:
TheWordFactory · 06/11/2014 12:09

Okay OP, I know on MN that no child is meant to travel more than 6 seconds to school, and you are meant to run your life around ensuring your child eats a four course home cooked meal by 5pm (at the table, all family present, no TV). And nothing must interfere with this....

But I'm one that thinks family life can have a lot of different colours and tones to it. And the DC can still be happy and thrive.

That's not to say, I'd definitely do what you're proposing, but let's unpick it.

  1. Do you want the job? How much?
  2. Is your DH supportive?
  3. Are you proposing to move your DC3 to a new school because you'll be going that way anyway?
  4. Is there any way of taking the job and leaving DC3 at his current school?
  5. Could you employ someone to do the toing and froing to his current school?
  6. How good is this school?
HappyYoni · 06/11/2014 12:10

I think it sounds like a monstrous commute! I'm not sure that any school can be that good that the benefits would be so great as to justify that commute. What do you see as being the benefits of the school?
If you think your DD will get better exam results there then I really wouldn't bother, she can get good exam results anywhere if she is bright and well supported.
If you think she will have better opportunities to do sports/arts/languages type stuff, well why not take the job and use the extra income to boost her opportunities in those areas?
With the extra income you could fund holidays, hobbies, experiences that will benefit your child surely as much as a good school, but with less daily hassle.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 12:15

Hak, have never used childcare as both DH and I have worked form home and been able to do pick ups. In fact, DC3's school bus drops him off at 4ish so DH could finish working for the day then and there would be no need for after school care.

However, and this is a big however, he works away periodically and I would have to consider childcare on those occasions. In some ways I think ad hoc childcare is harder to find than a regular arrangement, certainly in a semi rural environment.

I am struggling with trying to do the right thing, just as we all are. There is nothing disingenuous about my thread title. It is school first and job second as far as I'm concerned but the school bit can't happen without the job. What I am trying to ascertain is whether or not it is worth bothering with the job at all. Sorry if that hasn't come across in my posts.

OP posts:
HappyYoni · 06/11/2014 12:16

Sorry meant DS not DD

3catsnokids · 06/11/2014 12:18

I'm a foster parent, and as such I have to take foster children to whichever school they're already at when they're placed with me.

I have 2 boys in Year 1 and Year 2 and our commute is currently 20 minutes walk (though I prefer to make sure we have at least 25 minutes so we can have more of a leisurely walk) then a 20 minutes bus ride, then 5 minutes walk. Then the same in reverse at the end of the day.

If I didn't have to take the boys there, there is no way I would choose to do that commute. I have to wake the boys up between 7 and 7.30am and we try to leave the house at 8am. Most mornings I have to wake the boys up rather than them waking naturally, even though bedtime routine starts at 7pm and they are generally asleep by 8pm. If we weren't getting home until nearly 7pm they would be absolutely shattered and by the end of the week they would barely be able to function.

MamaMed · 06/11/2014 12:21

Btw CA is a great organisation to work for. They are super professional and there are ample opportunities to move across the organisation and up too. Plus their chocomilk from the tea/coffee machine is so yummy! Wink (Had serious cravings for that in my recent pregnancy)

Lancelottie · 06/11/2014 12:22

Pickled, I currently have an older teenager doing the kind of commute you describe (20 mins first bus, 40 mins second bus, the a few minutes' walk) and he is shattered. He is supposed to be doing an extra A-level in his own time when he gets home, and is just falling asleep instead.

Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 12:23

TheWordfactory, thanks for the list.

  1. Do you want the job? How much? Would like to work for this organisation, a lot.
  1. Is your DH supportive? Very.
  1. Are you proposing to move your DC3 to a new school because you'll be going that way anyway? Yes, but have lusted after school for some time.
  1. Is there any way of taking the job and leaving DC3 at his current school? I could do this but I don't think it would be worth it as job and DC education are inextricably linked (in my mind anyway).
  1. Could you employ someone to do the toing and froing to his current school? Yes, but really would prefer a better standard of ed for DC3.
  1. How good is this school? Fabulous I think, judge for yourself
OP posts:
Original poster
pickledsiblings · 06/11/2014 12:24

Word, I'm not sure my answers to your questions are internally consistent btw such is my headspin.

OP posts:
MamaMed · 06/11/2014 12:31

Pickled, have you spoken to parents whose children are at that school? Do they think its fabulous too? (Judging by the competition in the city and the cars I've seen parked outside, I suspect it is!)

Also, will your other DC be joining the commute too at some point? Hills Road for A-levels?

TheWordFactory · 06/11/2014 12:33

Thanks OP.

I think I understand now. Your first priority is the school (which is fabulous by the way). You want your DS to go there and now you've found a way to fund it, and a way that conicidentally will be good for you, with an excellent employer, albeit with a fucker of a journey there and back...

Hmmm...tough call.

Contrary to many on MN I do think a great education is worth some inconvenience. How much inconvenience, is the balance, no?

In theory I'd be inclined to say give it a go (ever the optimist) and think about an African friend of mine who always kisses her teeth in despair at we Brits, muttering about how we want and expect everything 'on a plate' Grin and pointing out how far children in her country walk to school every morning Grin.

But I'd be a big fat hypocrite if I said, I'd want to do that commute!!!!!!

HappyYoni · 06/11/2014 12:33

I'm really sorry, I don't mean to be obtuse but I've looked at the link and I still don't get what is so good about that school. What are the actual benefits that your DS would get from being there? Could you not use the additional income to increase opportunities and experiences for your children without them having to do that horrible commute?

TheWordFactory · 06/11/2014 12:35

yoni are you against private education?