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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish these baby/toddler years would just hurry up and pass?

59 replies

JamTarte · 02/11/2014 14:09

Am SAHM with 16mo DS. Every day, I tell myself how it won't be long (I hope) before I'll be able to shower in peace/go out for a drink with DH/all the rest. It's like I'm wishing DS would just grow up which seems wrong - surely I should be enjoying this all more?? AIBU in wishing it would hurry along?

OP posts:

LadyWithLapdog · 02/11/2014 14:16

YABU but can't be helped thinking like that. I'm sure you're happy enough with the arrangement most of the time or you could change it.

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 02/11/2014 14:18

You will miss these years when hes not interested in doing things with you anymore!
They are only little once

NotSayingImBatman · 02/11/2014 14:19

Of course YANBU. The baby a d toddler stage is such a tiny part of being a parent and it's absolutely fine to not enjoy all the aspects of it.

GertyD · 02/11/2014 14:19

YANBU. It is the most crazy time. There are lots that will say yabu, that these times are precious, you never get them back, all the milestones and magic moments, yaddy yaddy yaddy, but having a teenager and a toddler, I can hand on heart say, that five years and up is the best

museumum · 02/11/2014 14:20

Are you at home full time through choice?

Yanbu to want some things to change in your life but just waiting for your ds to grow up isn't the quickest way to change things.
My ds is a month or two younger than yours and I love my days at work with room to think properly and concentrate on one thing properly. I'm so much better with him on my days at home for not being at home every day.

MehsMum · 02/11/2014 14:22

The problem with the baby and toddler years is their unrelenting nature. I miss waking up in bed with the baby next to me, or picking up a toddler who would sink into me and give me a huge hug, or finding a small person happily engrossed with 101 cuddly toys, but I do NOT miss being tired, never being able to do a wee in peace, having to lug two tiny children out to buy a single pint of milk etc etc etc etc.

Any chance you could engineer things so you have three hours of time to yourself twice a week? The chance to do a wee in peace wander round the shops alone is very restorative.

YorkshireTeaGold · 02/11/2014 14:24

Yanb. You'll get some annoying people who say "just wait until they're teenagers/7/3" but at least you can go to the loo by yourself.

I've got a 3 yr old and a 12 month old and imo it gets lots easier, can actually do stuff with a 3 yr old and she's not constantly in mortal danger. I'm guilty of wishing it away but I do adore her, appreciate how cute she is and get excited about first steps etc and I'm sure you do too.

BellaVita · 02/11/2014 14:25

YANBU.

BUT my DS1 is now learning to drive, we are doing uni open days and this time next year he won't be living at home .

He didn't want to come out for tea with us the other evening either.

I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone, so what I would say is, cherish these times as best you can.

ohweeeell · 02/11/2014 14:26

YANBU it is hard word, especially when you are home everyday and it is a constant, without a change of scene of going to work or something regular. If it's any consultation I found with my DD that things got loads more enjoyable after she turned 2, I'm sure this will change again, certain stages are really hard & staying at home can be really hard too

Meechimoo · 02/11/2014 14:28

yanbu.
I have a toddler, a preteen and a teen.
Teens and preteens are far far far easier than toddlers, whatever mumsnetters (with selective memories ) might say!

ChunkyPickle · 02/11/2014 14:29

Unrelenting is definitely the word Meh.

Just as I got DS1 to school, DS2 came along, so we have another 4 years of it :S

I am definitely a better mother and person when I get some time away from the kids - can you get even just a morning of childcare somewhere to give you some headspace? I actually enjoy the weekly shop if I leave the kids with DP - wandering the aisles, coffee afterwards etc. very restorative (and it will be gone soon - I actually find myself missing DS1 some days when he's at school, and getting there 10 minutes early to pick him up I'm so eager to see him!)

Boomtownsurprise · 02/11/2014 14:32

Just life love. Didn't you wish the week would be over to get to the weekend? How summer would be over to buy new season clothes? How the auditions would finish so xfactor shows would start...(ahem!)? How you would stop being 12 because 14 looked so much fun? That work would end so you could go on Mat leave? That the pregnancy would end do you could see your baby?

Try to stop rushing sometimes as these memories will get you through the teenage years. But know it's just normal. And we've all been there. And you are not a bad mum.

Original poster

JamTarte · 02/11/2014 14:37

museumum I am SAHM by choice, thought it would be wonderful not going to work. Am still bf and DS co sleeps (neither of which I want to stop) which I think makes me feel I don't get much of a break. So it's definitely all my own making.

Yes it's partly the unrelenting nature of it all. I get a couple of hours to myself each week when DM takes him out. Still feel like a moany old cowbag who doesn't realise how lucky she is.

OP posts:

Nativity3 · 02/11/2014 14:40

Yabu, I would give anything to have the toddler yeas back.
Yanbu to want a bit of time for yourself though

Shetland · 02/11/2014 14:42

I love my children to bits but I do find myself constantly looking forward to the day when they're all at school - and DC3 isn't even here yet!
Did you choose to be a SAHM? I only ask because working p/t has been my salvation - but I appreciate not everyone has a choice.

I know I'll miss the baby snuggles and the cuddly just bathed toddlers in years to come, and I'm sure there are greater challenges ahead with teenagers and simply trying to have 3 DCs in different clubs at the same time but I'll happily take that in exchange for being able to wee on my own and to be able to pop out the shops without everything being such a bloody mission and I won't miss Peppa pig either

Leviticus · 02/11/2014 14:46

I always love my DC but sometimes, more often than is comfortable to admit, I loathe motherhood.

I'm guilty of wishing their lives away and I know I should accept and enjoy the season as a pp says. But I miss my independence so much.

That's no help but you aren't alone.

Original poster

JamTarte · 02/11/2014 14:58

Thanks ohwell.

Yes shetland SAHM by choice. Would do PT work but I don't feel ready to leave DS with anyone else yet. Don't think he's ready either.

Nativity remind/tell me what's so wonderful about toddler years! Am being serious here, might give me a kick up the arse to enjoy what I've got.

Leviticus I sometimes loathe it too - have already decided DS is to be an only! It's my independence that I really, really yearn for.

And boomtownsurprise how very, very right you are. Thank you for throwing some perspective my way. C'est la vie!

OP posts:

CinnamonBuns · 02/11/2014 14:59

Yanbu. It's fucking relentless

needaholidaynow · 02/11/2014 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

divingoffthebalcony · 02/11/2014 15:04

YANBU. It's relentless and exhausting. I'm a SAHM as well, but I don't think getting a job is the answer. I would be even more stressed and exhausted getting myself and my child out of the house/into childcare. As it stands right now, DD is 3 and has a nervous breakdown every time I try to leave her for a session at preschool.

Massive sympathies.

teacher54321 · 02/11/2014 15:18

Ds is 2 1/2 and it is utterly relentless. And I only have one of them to contend with! I do wish the time away because he's just at the 'running off in shops and trying to get run over' phase. Yesterday was the day from hell with a visit to the walk in centre (and a two hour wait to see the Dr) then a half an hour wait at the chemist to pick up his prescription. It was just draining, I cannot take my eyes off him. He's currently playing a train game beautifully on the iPad but he'd never do that at the Drs as everything going on is far too exciting...! He is awesome and cuddly and lovely, but I am so bloody knackered after a week of him being ill and up in the night and dh working long days so he leaves before ds gets up and comes home after bedtime...!

Deliaskis · 02/11/2014 15:31

YANBU, I hated the baby years, partly due to pnd and anxiety, but partly because it really is relentless, and thankless, and you don't get a lot back imo. I wasn't that amazed b those early milestones either, as they all seemed so look hard fought. But honestly, since 2, I have changed from guilty wishing for a fast forward button, to yearning for a pause, and a real wish to savour things. A lot change for me when Dr started talking, she suddenly became a person rather than a job. She is so funny and interesting and fab, and it feels like 2 was fun and then 3 has just been fantastic. It does change, I think we're all just good at different bits.

Deliaskis · 02/11/2014 15:32

That was obviously meant to be DD, not Dr.

Original poster

JamTarte · 02/11/2014 15:33

I feel your pain. DS only 16mo but already trying to get run over/rearrange shops. And I have another whole year of it ahead of me it would appear ...

OP posts:

SophiaPetrillo · 02/11/2014 15:36

YANBU. I hated it, truly hated it and don't miss it at all. Mine are 17 and 133 now and I just love them so much, they're so funny and interesting and good company, I would NEVER go back to that drudgery of the baby/toddler years. Each to their own, but I thought it was awful and it made me doubt my sanity and ability to parent.

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