To wish these baby/toddler years would just hurry up and pass?

[JamTarte]

Am SAHM with 16mo DS. Every day, I tell myself how it won't be long (I hope) before I'll be able to shower in peace/go out for a drink with DH/all the rest. It's like I'm wishing DS would just grow up which seems wrong - surely I should be enjoying this all more?? AIBU in wishing it would hurry along?

^^ Lol, that's meant to say 13. I don't have a one hundred and thirty three year old DS!

I think it depends on the child as well. Some are chilled out and some are highly strung. Mine was a joy until 10 months, and that was when her "challenging" personality came out. 27 months later, I still (in my darker moments) wonder if she was put on this earth to suck all the joy out of me.

Yanbu I have a 7.5 year old and a 2.9 year old. I want my ds who is 2, to be 5/6. I hate it, it's like having a little puppy. Mess everywhere, bringing down things and trying to destroy them. Apart from that, he's a beautiful sunny little boy, with a lovely personality. He is so miscevious though, I am constant cleaning up.

I chose to be SAHM and thought I would enjoy it too but no, I found it hard to cope with the unstructuredness - bizarre as I run screaming from anything labelled "routine", but it turns out I'm crap at actually being spontaneous or finding stuff to do.

I started leaving DS at 2 years old with a childminder so I could go back to university and it was a godsend. I felt amazing. I wouldn't have been happy leaving him in a nursery, and felt nervous about the CM but the very first time we went to see her, he saw a toy and ran off to play with it, without me - for the first time ever! Somehow he was just always at home there, and it was absolutely fine.

Agreed with MrsDeVere - everyone finds a different stage hard, and there's nothing wrong with that. It would be great if everyone loved every stage but I think that's unrealistic.

diving hang in there! DS' phase of feeling like that lasted three years but it did go.

Just wait until the teens.....I look back at the baby toddler stage with a wistful longing

funkybuddah I completely disagree and saying that to someone who's finding the toddler years stressful and difficult is really unhelpful.

Thanks Bertie. Everyone keeps telling me it'll get better by X age, but so far it never has! She goes through phases of being slightly agreeable, but her default setting is tantrummy, contrary, food refusing... you name it

diving and jam it DOES get better. Part of the problem with a child who tantrums a lot (and my DS was an award winning tantrum-thrower) is that they're frustrated at their inability to express themselves. When they get older and more articulate, they're great fun to be around because they can say how they feel and you can get some terrific dialogue with them. Good luck.

I do find things improve slightly the older DS gets - the baby phase was one of the most difficult stages of my life.

Yes sophia, am looking forward to him talking - at least to put an end to the infernal guessing game that is parenting a baby.

Also finding the unstructuredness hard, bertie, particularly with DH working odd shifts so find it hard to get into a routine.

Thanks to everyone who sympathises and for your supportive words ... now hoping to get some sleep after spending my whole evening getting DS to sleep .

YANBU to feel like that, but you needn't wait too long for some reprieve - toddlers are hilarious and come out with all kinds of weird and wonderful things that make every day a bit different. Sometimes it's infuriating as they seem to understand what you say to them but will chant 'no hitting' as they smack you in the face, but then there are the times when they will declare you their best friend and grab your face to plant a admittedly often overly moist kiss on your face just because they love you.

I know what you mean - I have a 6 month old DD and it is relentless, she's very clingy and never wants to be left alone! Won't even sleep without me currently! She is lovely though and I try not to get too frustrated and enjoy it. I am also a SAHM for the moment but I do have friends who have gone back to work and found that it's given them a much needed break and restored their sanity a bit to be in the company of adults - would this be possible for you?

Sophia ok yes maybe i should have padded out my post but did it occur to you that maybe when I posted i was at the end of my rope with my teen? But you not agreeing is almost as helpful as mine was really. The op had already received numerous posts explaining how it gets better and empathising with the emotional as well as physical exhaustion (I echo the talking /age where they can be reasoned with makes a huge improvement) but at that point yesterday I had just been thinking about how things were when dc was very young. Op I apologise for posting a kneejerk post to all the emotion I was feeling then.

Yanbu. (No children myself but active aunt). Although the baby toddler ages are lovely age 3 plus is amazing (with more sleep). At the moment my dsis dc are at the best most fun ages age 3 and 5.

16mo is very different from 24mo. Is he talking much yet? It's lovely watching their speech develop, you get some adorable moments. Likewise as they become stronger walkers/climbers it's more fun to go to the park.

Try and get more time for yourself though, it is all consuming. Join the gym or start another hobby/volunteering outside the home so DP can take over while you do something for you.

I am so with you, I kept wondering how everyone could be having this wonderful time and speaking about it as though it was genuinely the best time they have ever had. I felt like I was in hell tbh. Constant tantrums and constant talking drove me insane.

My DS is soon to turn 5 and I can now say most of the time I enjoy being a parent. I am so glad that toddler/baby phase is out the way and my DS slept through form 8 weeks so I couldn't even use constant waking as my reason for not enjoying it. I do work flu time in shifts though and I am a single parent so that may have hindered my enjoyment but I doubt it.

I'm not that maternal and have struggled but life is better now. Especially since buying the book 'how to talk so children listen' however, there dis no way on earth I would have another child as I could not bear to go through that stage again.

It does get better there are different upsets/stresses/worries but that constant grind and not being able to escape them goes IFYGWIM. How I adore the fact DS goes on the occasional sleepover...pure bliss

YANBU at all. Different people find different ages more difficult or more rewarding than others.

I chose to be a SAHM too and by about 18 months I started to go a bit stir crazy and booked DD into a childminder a couple of 3hr play sessions a week. Was great - I could do housework in peace or have a wander around the shops or just go back to bed and read a book.

But don't underestimate the independence that work could give you back either . I didn't realise how much I valued my independence until I became a mother. DD is 3 and yes juggling childcare is a bit tricky sometimes but it's worth it. I only work very part time but it's great for her to be with the childminder / she's at preschool now - and it's amazing for me to get dressed, blowdry my hair and MN on my phone on my train commute

For me it was the period from around 18 months until preschool that I found the hardest. Just be kind to yourself and don't feel bad about doing half day activities that are entirely for you, stick her in the buggy and walk round a new town or whatever you want. Prioritise your happiness - I think happy mum = happy baby is chanted a lot, but I think happy mum = happy toddler is even more important. They learn from you how to be.

My SIL hates the teen stage but she's brilliant with kids under 10 and under 5 especially. I liked the newborn bit, I felt like I knew what I was doing then. Then 3-18 months was hard/dull apart from seeing him do new things. 18m-3 I loved again (but did need a regular break at that point) and then 3-6 was absolutely hellish, starting to enjoy it again now, he can still push my buttons a bit but nowhere near as often as he was.

Do you have a children's centre near you? My local one had a group every morning of the week except Wednesday and it was amazing - a total godsend. Got me out of bed in the morning and because I went religiously every day I met loads of other people in a similar position.

YANBU I so agree with you! don't feel guilty about making time for yourself.

I didn't like those years and I don't miss them either.

It does get a lot better and more rewarding and pleasant, then they turn into teenagers

Yanbu. Another one guilty of wishing the years away... I feel bad for doing it but relentless is the perfect word to describe it. I've never been one for routine either and EVERYTHING is about routine with small children. The younger two (2 and 3) are literally clung to me all day and yes, follow me to the toilet. Recently the eldest (4.5) has started insisting on pooing just as I climb in the bath or shower in the evening too so I don't even get that time to myself. Sometimes I feel like weeping, the alternative is to laugh so I do occasionally just burst out laughing like a mad woman when I'm sat in a room listening to two toddlers in the middle of a full blown tantrum. They're charming and sweet and loving at times, I do realise in a few years they'll probably have no interest in me and shut themselves away in their bedrooms to listen to the smiths (with any luck) like I used to . But it doesn't make these years any easier.

Going out of the house is a massive rigmarole too, there's almost always a tantrum or three from the younger two and I get incredibly flustered. Takes about an hour to get out of the house with this one needing a wee, nappy change for the youngest, getting shoes and coats on, this one wants a drink, that one decides to do a last minute poo... Argh! I'm really glad baby years are over for us FOREVER and soon will have no nappies to change, they all feed themselves and we don't use a baby carrier or pram at all anymore. Oh and they sleep through but only until 6.30 am mind you so all that is fantastic! But the tantrums, fighting, clinging to me etc etc is still really fucking hard. I envy DH for getting the change of scenery at work, I actually consider work to be a break... Alas, it is not an option for me to go to work right now so will have to carry on.

It doesn't make us bad mothers. Everyone is good at different things. I can see myself dealing with the teen years a lot better if I'm honest. I'm not counting down the days till then or anything, I swear .

YANBU. Mine are 5 and 9 and it's brilliant. They are self dressing, self cleaning, self entertaining. They listen, they can negotiate and I can take a step back.

I loathed the baby and toddler stage. The feeling of constantly being needed for something was awful and I couldn't switch off just in case they got into something they shouldn't. Add in the mess and the clingyness, the sleep deprivation and the whole Groundhog Day nature of everyday life, it's no wonder I ended up miserable.

Now they are both at school I am a much better parent, much more patient and we are all having much more fun.