To wonder if those of you who privately educate your DC would prefer that they end up with a DP who is also privately educated, or woould you genuinely, hand on heart, not care?

[mscheddarandrioja]

In case you are wondering why I am asking, I am relatively new to MN, but there seem to be an awful lot of debates about state v private, boarding or not boarding etc, which ahs got me thinking - probably overthinking!

My DC1 went to a well known public school, but as it was primarily a boarding school, and it was not very conducive to family life in some respects - a very long school day (even the 'day boarders' had beds at school!), as well as school on Saturdays and bank holidays. There seemed to be very little time for a life away from the school.

By the time DC2 was ready to start secondary, we were in the catchment area for an outstanding state comprehensive (so outstanding that Ofsted doesn't even inspect it any more), now an academy for languages, music and G & T (which, thanks to MN, I now know is not gin and tonic!). I am very happy with the education provided and the language tuition is distinctly superior to that provided by DC1's school.

However - and I know that this probably reflects badly on me - I do worry sometimes that DC1 will have some social advantage which DC2 will not, which makes me feel guilty that DC2 didn't have the same opportunity - although DC2 had a place at the same school as DC1 but was put off and didn't want to go as DC1 was always complaining about the long hours, being pressed into compulsory sports teams etc.

On the other hand, I am aware that being privately educated can be a bit double edged, in that some will also judge unfavourably - there appears to be a strident minority on MN who are anti private school, on principle.

This issue is troubling me now, because we are at the stage of applying to 6th form for next year. I am wondering if DC1 should stay at the present state school - which is excellent academically - or apply to the DC1 school. There are no other options really, as I wouldn't consider sending my DC to boarding school unless they really wanted to go, and neither did.

Sorry if this is long and please ignore if you think it is a first world problem and trivial!

My DH went to a private school, as did all his siblings. I went to state school. Tbh they cared much more about the fact that I came from a low-income single parent family than they did about my education. BIL and SIL's respective partners didn't go to private school either BUT unlike me they were from well-off, two-parent families so PIL liked them straight away.

Anyway I'm now getting my MA from the same place BIL did, and I'm hoping to become the first PhD in the family :) I don't earn much but I love what I do. They've sort of come round to me in the end. Or at least they've accepted I'm not going anywhere

BTW DH, BIL and SIL are perfectly down to Earth and don't like most of the people they went to school with! None of them mix/get jobs through any kind of network. The PILs are way more invested in the fact their kids went to private school than their kids are themselves!

My DP went to private boarding school from the age of 7, I went to a state Grammar but was exceedingly mediocre never once has his parents asked me about my schooling.

Why would you ask about schools? I have no idea where my son's girlfriend was educated. It might possibly come up in conversation one day,but it might not. I know which university she went to- that has cropped up.

I am wondering if DC1 should stay at the present state school - which is excellent academically - or apply to the DC1 school

Er...at age 16? I'd be tempted to give them the choice.

Sixth form isn't compulsory...your dc could turn around and refuse to go full stop. Why don't you ask what they want to do?

Memphis - it is compulsory, as I understand it, to be in full time education or training until age 18 in this country (or are you from Memphis?)

The full time education doesn't have to be in school. They have other options e.g. Apprenticeships. At 16 I would ask first if they want to go into 6th form, and if so, which one.

i just wouldnt have gone down the diff ed route really, much better to treat both the same.

Meh. My lovely husband went to private school, and hated every moment of it. I went to a supremely shitty state school and hated every moment of it. However, I'm more intelligent than he is, and earn more than he does. He has better social skills. All down to the individual, innit?

I went to private school, DH state, though we are both from fairly similar social backgrounds otherwise, in fact his parents are a bit better off than mine. Both went to Oxbridge, and I don't think either of us found formal hall particularly easier or harder due to our schooling (I loved a good formal!) - though my sister, also private-schooled, found it very weird when she first visited.

I don't think it ever occurred to my parents to be bothered where DH, or any other of mine or my sister's boyfriends, went to school. PiLs have asked questions about my schooling but more out of curiosity than anything.