No alcohol at Hubby's 40th

[CookieDoughKid]

Hubby is an alcoholic. We are in a really good dry period and has been dry for three years.

It's his big 4-0 next year. Would I be unreasonable to ask guests to not bring alcohol and it to be a teetotal party??

Hubby cannot be around alcohol at all. He doesn't want to be near it. But we do want a good party.

Anyone who wouldn;t go to a friends 40th birthday party because there wasn't alcohol there really isn't a friend. Particularly given the extremely good reason why there will be no alcohol.

Presumably most of his friends are around the same age not 17.

I'm truly amazed by the number of people who think you can't have a good time without alcohol. Or that loads of people will cancel.

Bizarre.

I would go for a daytime party rather than evening and be clear up front that there is no alcohol.

Bizarre indeed Kewcumber.

"People will expect alcohol" well maybe it will, but it won't kill them not to have it one night of the year will it?

Perfectly reasonable so long as you have a really clear theme
eg
fancy dress and mocktails

or a highlight like hiring a bungee trampoline
that cannot be combined with booze

zero birthdays (went to one this evening) tend to have a fizzy wine theme
you need to make your preferred theme clear

but have a BELTER of a party

If any of my friends decided not to come to my 40th (I wish...) because I said there would be no alcohol I would look like this =>

I'd come! But then we had a dry wedding, because neither DH nor myself drink (don't like it) and the reception was held on religious premises that forbid it.

Some people really do take it as a personal front if you dare to do something even remotely out the ordinary. They're the ones with the problem IMO. I hope you have a great party!

Affront
Late night and typing with cold fingers do not mix.

I agree with talkin peace you need to pic a theme the mock tails one sounds good. Or if you don't want to make a big deal have something that is the main attraction like hiring a rodeo bull or something fun

Definitely not unreasonable! Anyone who objects is a pretty poor friend.

I think it might be fun to have it a "bring your own mocktails" thing like a competition for the best tasting mocktail.

You don't need alcohol to have fun!

Sounds like he's doing great. Mocktails is a fantastic idea. Anyone who is going probably knows, or at least can easily guess, why no alcahol,I would think Those that don't like the idea- tough. Notmuch support to ask surely.

I would need a good reason to book a babysitter/night off work to go to a party, so unless you were a very good friend of mine I probably wouldn't go to a dry party unless there was some kind of theme or event going on.

You don't even need to have a party if it will be a problem. Just spend the money on a fabulous trip away.

Real friends will def come and will be happy to be dry.

However, to make the evening a great party and not just a bit awkward I think you'll need some decent food and interesting soft drinks plus some kind of entertainment.

A traditional party party with no alcohol is likely to be a bit strange. If people admit it or not, a glass or wine is a good social lubricator.

I think that is fine.

If it is the sort of party where there would usually be alcohol though make sure you let people know not to bring any as well.

Because otherwise they might view it as a BYO party or at least think it was rude to turn up without a bottle of wine.

A lunch party for close friends and family may work better.

'Bring your own mocktails ' some knob may bring alcoholic ones.

I don't drink and I find traditional evening piss up parties incredibly tedious and only go through duty.

I'd be tempted to have a family holiday if funds permit.

I would need a good reason to book a babysitter/night off work to go to a party

Oh I don't know, how about a friend's 40th? Seems a good enough reason to me, with or without alcohol. Someone not being arsed to come because it's a "dry" party and they can't get hammered a) isn't much of a friend b) needs to grow up c) quite possibly has a problem with alcohol themselves (if they're dependent on its presence to enjoy themselves at a party).

OP hoe your DH has a fab 40th. Love the idea of a mocktail party (with jazz band and dressing up!)

Hope, damnit. Where did hoe come from?!

I don't think you are being unreasonable but equally I think you can expect a smaller turn out than you might otherwise, unless you have a specific theme beyond drinks reception no alcohol.

I would be inclined to go for a family lunch type affair rather than an evening do.

Firstly, YANBU. It's absolutely appropriate to celebrate your DH's birthday without alcohol and I would definitely go down this route in your shoes

BUT, for an evening event you do need to provide alternative social lubrication.

Whether it's a bad thing or not, most people find it easier to 1. mingle and 2. dance, when they've had a few drinks. Therefore, if it's that sort of party (stand around and chat), there is a risk that it feels a bit flat or people end up just clinging to the people they know already. On that basis, I agree with the idea of either an afternoon event, which has different expectations/norms attached to it, or something with an activity to provide focus, get people engaged/ chatting to one another. This also has to be something that itself is not dependent on people having lowered inhibitions to make them take part (so bowling fine, karaoke, not fine). I think the thing about "you don't need alcohol to have a good time" is not necessarily true in a typical adult party format. Alcohol does help people relax and makes them more sociable/ animated. Those people make for a better party if you want universal chatter and laughter (not people who are falling down drunk obviously but there is a middle ground). Whether that's a sad indictment of western society is kind of irrelevant.

I live in Asia at present where a lot of people don't drink. What I've noticed about work parties and gala dinners etc, is that they do provide a lot more in terms of (for want of a better word), games, which I always found quite odd, but maybe that's why they do them, as it's just a different way of providing a bit of social lubrication.

Hmm. I understand why he can't be around alcohol but I do think it is unlikely to be a great party without any. People who don't drink much anyway will be fine, but everyone else will feel awkward and out of sorts. If you come from a culture where it's normal to celebrate special occasions with a few drinks it will feel oddly wooden and artificial to have none at all. You may even find that people just don't turn up because the whole idea of a 'party' without booze it is alien to them.

I would pick a very small group of friends and family who will understand and not mind, and go for a low key lunch somewhere instead. Or just go away together for a fantastic no-expense-spared weekend instead. I just don't think an actual evening party will work with no booze.

Incidentally, moving forward, he need to accept that other people can and will drink around him. At some point he is going to have to deal with that or never go out at all.

Yanbu,

Like the non alcoholic cocktail idea.

Well done on your hubby's sobriety

Sorry. Typo. "I agree Yanbu. "

Sorry!

I agree that having a party that would normally have booze then not having it would be odd for me (OBV a serial alcoholic) tres dull. I'd come but hardly be thrilled. Mate went to a dry hen. Otbt once. Said it was really weird.

I agree that a meal would be better for fewer people and more cy ace to chat than stand I a church hall with a cup of warm coke.

It's a bit like "I'm on a diet so at my dinner party im not serving food " approach to hospitality.

Ckngrats on sobriety tho :)