To be hurt re dh's comments about my job?

[Fallslikelondonrain]

I've been a sahm since having ds but now he's at school I started job hunting.
I was a teacher prior to having ds but didn't want to go back into it, the hours are so long and ds is only just 5. I don't want him in after and before school club every day and I don't want to leave him in childcare through the holidays, it would be different if we had family nearby to help out but we don't. Dh also works very long hours and travels away a lot. I know even if I, working 60 hours a week he still won't help with ds or do anything round the house. I also have been diagnosed with some health problems which mean I am unwell some of the time, I cannot at the moment do 60 hours weeks. Dh earns £100k plus so financially we are ok. Consequently I've opted to go back as a TA, it's five days a week but I will be able to fetch ds although he will need to go in to before school club some mornings.

Obviously the wages aren't great. However there were a lot of applicants including three other interviewees who were internal candidates in non-permanent roles. So I was quite pleased when they rang and said I'd got the job. It was also the first one Id applied for so was very lucky.
However the shine has well and truly been taken from it by DH making the following comments:

Not surprised you got it, no other teacher would be stupid enough to work for peanuts.
I earn as much in ten hours as you will in a month.
I have four GCSEs and you have a degree, but who is the most successful?

He commented this morning in front of my inlaws and some mutual friends about how little I was earning - telling them the exact amount - and how I'd earn more as a street cleaner.

For me it's a big thing going back after five years out of work. I know it's not the greatest job in the world financially and that I'm never going to be a high flyer. But I was pleased. Was. Not so much now.

Aibu?

So you haven't even seen the benefit of his massive salary?

What does he bring to your life?

OP what is his job?

Congratulations on getting the job.

He sounds vile: absolutely vile.

Why haven't you had much money the last few years? Do you not have access to a joint account? Is he miserly with money for you?

I'm a TA, and damn proud to do the job. It's so fulfilling IME. I think you've made a really sensible, balanced choice. As you know you'd spend most of your holidays lesson planning if you went back to teaching. You can always return to teaching when your son is older if you desire to!
Congrats on the new job.

Ps-I've heard of many ex teachers not getting TA positions! So you've done really well.

Why have you had barely any money these last few years if your H is on £100k?

Is he withholding money too?

He sounds awful, what cruel comments and to say that in front of family?! You deserve better, so much better.

Is it my imagination or is OP studiously avoiding answering any questions as to why she's still with this twatty sounding twatmeister?

And of course if you were to go into teaching you wouldn't earn anything like his pay, so would never be as good as him.

He has ishoos, and sounds very dodgy about finances.

Oddly all the TA's I know are trained teachers!

I know people think teachings a doddle but all the teachers I know work 8 till 7 with high stress levels. It's not the most family friendly job term time.

You are clearly more successful - he's a shit husband and a shit father!

Outline that the job may not be well paid but it's very valuable work, enables you to completely care for your son after school (which is incredibly important), continue to run the house hold without help what so ever and in turn all your work in these three areas enables him to work in one job and do nothing else at all for anyone else.

He basically only values money, nothing else

I'm a TA (with a degree..shock) and chose to be so precisely because it fits around my children, and has enabled me to be there for holidays and home times (more or less!) My Dh worked away for long periods, earns far more than I do and has NEVER once criticised my decision.. he is openly grateful that I manage all the day to day stuff for 4 kids, and feels guilty that he isn't home for them every night! Yes the pay is rubbish but money isn't evenrything!

Your husband's attitude STINKS and you deserve far better.

So you haven't had access to the family money either? Oh he's a gem isn't he .

Rights of Women is your friend. As is Women's Aid.

The best thing about this job is that it is a huge means to an ends.

A teaching care resurrected, if you so wish.

And your ticket to freedom, from your monumental arse of a DH.

So is the job part of your exit plan?
Financially you and DS will be fine.
Emotionally, in time, you'll be so much better.
Just need to get a plan in place to leave - are you ready?

OP, why weren't you seeing the benefits of his 100k+ salary? Please tell me he was at least giving you money to support his DS?

If not, he's financially controlling at best and abusive at worst - I would really consider leaving - you would be much happier away from him, and he would have to give you a decent chunk of his salary as maintanence too, and [gasp] do all his own housework!

Insecurity is so unsexy in a man.

Aside from all the good points already made, I don't know about you but I've cut people out of my life for being so draining with their negativity.

If you're happy about something (assuming it isn't something really stupid/dangerous!) new in your life, those who claim to love you should support, and be happy that you're happy. They shouldn't put you down like this.

And yes to the fact that if you didn't exist, he couldn't be doing his job and earning his salary!OR if he could his life would be a great load more difficult!

Sorry, I think that is just awful and so unsupportive.

I think you have a lot of MN dream job, no childcare issues too :)

Just because you have started back as a TA, doesn't mean you will do that job forever. He is being very short sighted.

Does often put you down in front of others?

Op: your DH is horrible.
He doesn't seem to care about your health problems.

100k pa is about 1300 per month.
What does that get spent on?

Flash cars?
Big mortgage?
Flash holidays?
Or does he have savings?

Marriage should be a partnership and each partner contributes equally in different ways, not equally in a financial sense.

Sorry to be so nosey, but how appalling is the pay for a TA? Is it actually as low as op's dh suggests?

Paxtecum, i assume you meant a week!