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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset even though he isn't?

155 replies

JamaicanMeCrazy · 01/11/2014 14:49

It's my son's 7th birthday today. He has Aspergers and doesn't deal well with lots of people so we planned a small party with a few close friends (6 children of neighbours that he plays with a lot and his best friend from school who he has known since he was a baby). Nobody has shown up Sad

This isn't the first time this has happened, his 5th birthday we invited a few kids from school and he spent the entire afternoon sat at the window waiting for his friends to arrive Sad

I feel awful for him, but he doesn't seem to mind, he is happily playing with dh and his new scalectric set.

All the people we invited rsvped that they would come, but none of them are home (I have been over to their houses and knocked and spoken to best friends mum who says he is too tired to come Hmm)

I know it's silly and he is happy but I feel like my boy deserves better and I'm sad for him that his birthday party has gone to pot AGAIN.

To top it off exh (my dcs dad) hasn't so much as texted to wish him a happy birthday. He is supposed to take him out for the day without his sisters tomorrow and hasn't made any arrangements for this. Ds hasn't noticed (probably because exh is a knob and never bothers to call on their birthdays) but it's still just shit isn't it?

Aibu? I know that he doesn't care, but I feel sad on his behalf Confused

OP posts:
MexicanSpringtime · 01/11/2014 19:28

So glad your son has taken it in his stride.

That happened to my dd when she was ten, and she is not special needs, I'll never forget how awful it felt. It was also supposed to be a small party on that occasion, so maybe that is the problem.

Maybe the children are wrecked after Halloween and everyone thinks that nobody will miss them.

lunar1 · 01/11/2014 19:40

What a nasty thing for them to do. I we had accepted an invitation then they would be there unless I'll. it Takes so much time and money to arrange these things.

nannyH1 · 01/11/2014 19:42

I feel so sorry for your little boy.

What a horrible example those parents are setting for their children. If you accept an invitation you turn up!!

I am fuming on your behalf! Inconsiderate f*ers!

Your poor kid. Happy Birthday to him. Glad he's taking it so well.

NoMarymary · 01/11/2014 19:46

Gutted for him and you. Sad

Beyond sadness that adults would treat a little boy like this.

Allstoppedup · 01/11/2014 19:49

Oh dear, I may have had a little cry at this! It's totally crap no one showed, I hope they feel awful when you tell them.Your DS's dad sounds like a grade A twunt as well.

On the positive side, your DS sounds like he has a fantastic mummy and daddy (in your DH) and I am glad he seems to have enjoyed his day anyway.

Thanks For you. Cake For your DS.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 01/11/2014 19:52

Was it the same group of people who failed to turn up for his 5th birthday?
If it was, then I would be looking for a new group of friends.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 01/11/2014 19:55

Your poor boy. Sad these parents are disgracefully rude. We would have come!!!!

ThePinkOcelot · 01/11/2014 20:02

Rotten bastards. I am livid on your behalf. Thumbs up for your DH.

Jen1610 · 01/11/2014 20:03

No you aren't being unreasonable. I'd be really pissed off with them all. It's better to get angry than to get upset what a bunch of wankers, especially his father.

When I hear one of my kids has played themself at school, I feel a bit of a gut wrench even when they seem fine about it.

I think it's normal. I hope he's had an amazing birthday.

dotdotdotmustdash · 01/11/2014 20:05

I have a DS with High functioning ASD and parties were always a trial for us. He didn't have a circle of friends at school so I always just invited one person out on a birthday trip, or more usually we just had a big family meal out in a restaurant of his choice and made a huge fuss of him.

He's almost 18 now and has a small group of friends, they're all slightly odd but they've found each other and they're happy. They don't drink, smoke or go out other than to a wargames club that they all like. They spend a lot of time on in their bedrooms on Xbox live playing together - they don't talk about life in general, but they enjoy each other's company. It's all good.

DC with ASD will have challenges to face, but very often the very qualities of their diagnosis protects them against being hurt - it's a relatively kind disorder in that sense. Your boy will be fine, and he will find his people :-)

Strictly1 · 01/11/2014 20:06

I can't believe that people are so rude. Your poor son. I'd be devastated so no YADNBU.
Happy birthday to him x

Evabeaversprotege · 01/11/2014 20:08

Rude rude parents!!!!

Hopefully your DS continued to have a great day xxx

Itsfab · 01/11/2014 20:13

Happy birthday to your son and extra Cake.

QueenBean · 01/11/2014 20:18

OP this made me cry too, how sad for him

Happy birthday to your lovely boy Cake

Liara · 01/11/2014 20:19

So sorry for your little boy. Were they all out trick or treating until really late and had the following day fall apart on them slightly? Sounds like that is what happened to his bf.

The important thing is that your ds has had a really good day, it's great that you managed to give him that anyway.

Original poster
JamaicanMeCrazy · 01/11/2014 20:27

Oh yes it's Sunday tomorrow isn't it? Grin I get mixed up with things, I have a high dose of meds!

No it isn't the same people who didn't show on his 5th birthday, that was the one year we invited kids from school and they didn't bother Angry

He had a fab day, now watching a dvd upstairs with his sister. We did our pass the parcel and spoke to my parents on Skype. My dad did some "magic" where I hid a few fivers in random places around the room and my dad said the magic words and told him where they were. Ds thought he'd magicked them from NZ Grin

We had a wee disco with some music and a disco light and danced around with his sisters, and ate lots of cake Smile

Thankyou for all the birthday wishes, this is one of those days where I'm kind of glad he sees the world differently as he didn't feel upset about his friends not showing.

Tomorrow we are going to the toyshop to spend all his "magic" money on lego, assuming his dad doesn't decide to take him out, no phone call yet Biscuit

OP posts:
EverythingIsAwesome · 01/11/2014 20:32

I love that magic money idea! :D

Happy Birthday to your special boy :)

makapakasdirtysponge · 01/11/2014 20:36

What a lovely mum you are.

nickelbabe · 01/11/2014 21:08

It was definitely today, the party? Not tomorrow?
You know it's Saturday today?

If the date and time are correct, I'm with Fannyfifer - text them all telling them that noone turned up.

lougle · 01/11/2014 21:10

Happy Birthday to MasterJMC. Well done for helping him to have a great birthday.

It's so wrong. Sad

StetsonsAreCool · 01/11/2014 21:23

I was hoping that you'd organised the party for Sunday, and got yourself out by a day Sad

So sorry his friends (parents) have let him down like this. I'm glad you've still managed to have a great day. Happy Birthday to your DS.

Give them shit for it on Monday Flowers

saintlyjimjams · 01/11/2014 21:28

Gosh that's really rude of them.

I'm glad your DS had a nice day though.

WhereAmIGoing · 01/11/2014 21:29

It's just plain rude tbh.

Dc2 has AS too and the one thing I have done to avoid that sort if situation is to do something for the party that I knew would entice the other children to come. I knew that coming 'just because I like dc2 and he us my best friend' just wouldn't happen. :(

I can completely see how you are feeling sad and crap about it. It's good that he doesn't realise yet. It's hard when they do.

waithorse · 01/11/2014 21:48

Sounds like he had a great day today. Hope you all have great fun tomorrow spending the magic money. Smile

Tanukisan · 01/11/2014 22:06

It's my DS's birthday on Monday (he has ASD). I'm far too anxious that no one will come to hold him a party. It would be devastating for me. He wouldn't care!