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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any other Mums refusing to take the kids out trick or treating?

244 replies

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 31/10/2014 08:37

Just wondering if I totally mean/unreasonable. We do a lot for/ with the kids, clubs, weekend days out, doing stuff at home etc etc but I just cannot muster any enthusiasm for taking me out trick or treating. I find the whole concept of trawling round the houses letting them beg for sweets cringe worthy.

Strangely I have no problem with other kids coming to ors and always have some sweet etc ready for them which makes me feel I am being a bit unreasonable.

Also I don't want to fork out on costumes and I am totally not able or into making them.

So I guess I am giving myself permission to just not do even tho my eldest particularly has been keen and asking to go.

What's other people's stance?

OP posts:
sickntiredtoo · 31/10/2014 14:07

I don't get the begging arguments.
If people have got a lit pumpkin outside their house they are clearly inviting T or T ers to call, how is that 'begging'?

Summerisle1 · 31/10/2014 14:15

I never took my dcs out when they were very small. We lived in a little fairly joyless village, without any sort of street lighting or interest in Halloween. So the last thing I was going to do was turn out in the cold and trudge round for no point at all.

When they were old enough and we were back in town, they went out with friends and a willing parent. With a fairly strict set of rules about who to pester! I don't personally, class it as "begging" either. But honestly, if it isn't your thing then don't feel guilty about it. No child ever suffered acute deprivation from not going out guising on Halloween.

AloneReed · 31/10/2014 14:18

The Pumpkin rule is brilliant if we all knew it! I am doing it tonight for the first time ever as my dd is 10 now and i am painfully aware by the time she goes secondary school this sort of stuff with just be naff . . . I don't agree with T&T (so am total hypocrite encouraging it but i know a lot of people do so they will be out and about anyway).
Much prefer the last idea of a sweetie hunt in the garden with torches; and admire creative thinking - bet the kids love it.

m0therofdragons · 31/10/2014 14:21

I will take mine to about 3 houses (neighbours we know) but I actually prefer to stay home and the dc open the door to all the kids and give them sweets. I love the kids coming and think I'd be really disappointed if no one came.

m0therofdragons · 31/10/2014 14:24

Oh and we have the pumpkin rule in our road too. I think it depends where you live. Our old house we had 14yo boys who towered over me Knocking which was a bit scary but actually they were always polite. Here they tend to be little ones with parents and it's a really nice neighbourly thing.

LaundryFairy · 31/10/2014 14:30

I love doing the pumpkin carving and dressing up, but I come from Canada where it was a big part of my childhood. We live on a street that is well known as a good place for trick-or-treating: lots of people decorate and there is a lovely community feel about the evening - nothing intimidating at unpleasant at all. Even then, all the children know the rules about not disturbing houses that do not look 'open for business'.

LaundryFairy · 31/10/2014 14:32

And by 'open for business' I mean the pumpkin rule.

Plomino · 31/10/2014 14:38

In our village , we meet up at the village hall and go en masse - usually somewhere in the region of 40 odd kids plus assorted parents - because the road is unlit and it's that much safer to do it as an escorted walk . The arrangements are that if you put a pumpkin outside , or ring the organiser , then we visit , if not we don't . That way it's only one knock on the door , and everyone who wants an evening of peace and quiet , gets one . It's very popular , and the kids absolutely clean up . The year we had an escort off the local safer neighbourhoods team (we had a diversion through the village so they spent an hour or so slowing the traffic down for us ) , the kids actually had a full carrier bag of sweets each . So we put them all together and after putting a big bag aside to take into the police station , made them last for ages !

fortifiedwithtea · 31/10/2014 14:41

Agree the costumes are horrible this year, many 'blood' splattered. Gross.

WhimsicalTwattery · 31/10/2014 14:42

Me and DH take DD to the houses of people that we know. That way we don't feel like she's begging for sweets.

LaundryFairy · 31/10/2014 15:01

I agre about the bloody and gruesome costumes this year. One big difference between here and Canada is that you can dress up as pretty much anything you like in Canada - it doesn't have to be scary. I wish that was more the done thing here.

AlpacaLypse · 31/10/2014 15:08

LaundryFairy at least one of our lot is going as a watermelon! (Yes, I'm completely bewildered too...)

Meh84 · 31/10/2014 15:11

Nah, we're not taking the children (3 & 5)

Cue looks of disgust from the other mums in the village! It's Friday night, we're going to chill out and put a film on...besides they're so tired at the moment so they probably wouldn't last long anyway.

LaundryFairy · 31/10/2014 15:13

I love the watermelon idea!

BellaVita · 31/10/2014 15:19

Never took mine out. When they were small I used to let them answer the door and hand out sweets.

For the last few years we have not answered the door and turned off the outside light. We will be doing the same tonight. We have a dog now and this is her first year here with Halloween, she is going to go mad with all the door knocking ggrrrr.

MyGhostIsFlummoxed · 31/10/2014 15:29

I don't get why there is such an anti-hallowe'en feeling. I always had hallowe'en parties with my grandparents when I was little (am 40 now). Honestly 'begging for sweets', really? I'd hardly call it that.

bigbluestars · 31/10/2014 15:34

I adore halloween- been out guising with my kids many times. love it.

WhereAmIGoing · 31/10/2014 15:36

Not going either as I feel uncomfortable going begging for sweets. Or teaching the dcs to do that.
I do have sweets at home, just like the OP, as I Am aware that not everyone thinks this way and I'm not cruel enough to disappoint children who could be banging on our door.

WhoKnowsWhereTheSlimeGoes · 31/10/2014 15:46

I don't think it's begging, pumpkin in the window means "we're waiting to give out sweets" here. We have never yet knocked on the door of a decorated house and had anyone seem surprised or not have sweets to hand.

cococandyfloss · 31/10/2014 15:49

We take my children out but just to point out a few things -

We aren't asking for sweets from strangers
We aren't begging
We aren't going out in bloody, gory , age inappropriate costumes.

I would imagine the majority on this thread are the same? We are in Scotland though and I think guising was always more of a thing here?

Several houses on our street and the street behind decorate and we only go to houses that have decorations up and pumpkins at the door. These aren't strangers but neighbours and children from our children's classes or activity groups houses.
It has a community feel to it -there is no begging, children tell a joke and show off their costumes and are given sweets and children come to our house and do the same and are offered sweets.

The costumes are pumpkins and sparkly witches and cats and no doubts lots of spidermen and Elsas this year. Most of the families that come with children are 8 or under.

I wouldn't want to be part of the 'Halloween ' that is described on mumsnets threads either and would be uncomfortable too but that is just not the case it is all very friendly and very nice-no egging, scaring or begging!

OiGiveItBack · 31/10/2014 15:50

My 4 DC are adults now and all of them say that Halloween was their favourite 'holiday'. We did live in the states and Canada where it's much more popular. They loved it. It's nothing but good fun for the kids and the adults. If you don't want to do it then don't - it's not a problem.

We loved having kids call at the door as much as my kids loved going to other people's houses. It was a fun way to get to know your neighbours.

Even if you don't go out trick or treating it's fun to do something a bit Halloween'y at home.

OiGiveItBack · 31/10/2014 15:52

Hmm begging???? How an earth is it begging if you call at a house that is wanting to give out sweets. Confused

Bilberry · 31/10/2014 16:03

I don't like it and tried to hold off but there at quite a few North Americans around us who are into it in a big way but also more a 'fun' way so no threat of a 'trick'. The 'trick' round here is a joke or song the kids do to get their sweets. We get over 30 kids at our door most years! I finally gave up last year, mostly because I thought it hypocritical to give out sweets to those who came to the door without taking mine out so I took them round some neighbours. However, I absolutely refuse to bow to the gore and horror. This year I have Spider-Man and a cat. Last year I sent a Disney princess and a tiger to the school party (which I dislike).

CheerfulYank · 31/10/2014 16:03

It's not begging if you've been invited!

Here in America you can also dress up as literally anything...DS has been a monkey, a bear, a train conductor, etc. This year he is Harry Potter and DS is Hedwig.

animalsunited · 31/10/2014 16:11

I think it's mean sorry.

My parents never celebrated Halloween, hated kids coming to the door. It makes me sad.

The biggest part of the fun is the dressing up. It doesn't have to be spooky. You can make something very easily and cheap as well. Face painting can be good fun.

Sweets as a treat once a year does no harm. As for knocking on people's doors, round here people only knock at houses they know are up for it.

I suppose if your child doesn't want to that's fine. But to deny them a wee bit of fun with their friends because you hate Halloween or can't be bothered is sad.