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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate faffers everywhere!

317 replies

Freshlysqueezed · 30/10/2014 19:32

Why are there so many faffers -buying cinema tickets, going to the Post office etc - someone in front always has to have an issue and take twice as long as they should, drivers taking 10 minutes to get in a space 4 times the size of their car, people taking forever over a simple food order - I could go on!

OP posts:
littlebrownbag · 02/11/2014 10:07

There is a problem with recommending that we are more considerate towards faffers. The reason they are faffers in the first place is their apparent lack of awareness and consideration for everyone else! So we have to be extra considerate while they are not at all?

CaptainJaneSafeway · 02/11/2014 10:20

Well there probably are a lot of inconsiderate faffers, people who just have a faffy personality, and those who are actually ill/distracted/have other good reason to be not very on the ball.

For that reason even the efficient/impatient among us should never give a faffer a hard time, at least not in public when you don't know them. (I'll make an exception for me asking DP to shift his arse the 2,000th time he fails to leave enough time to get ready!)

I would never, ever tut or roll my eyes (well not audibly/visibly to the person!) or say anything to a supermarket/escalator/post office faffer for exactly this kind of reason. In fact I tend to wait politely or at most say "excuse me". They could be ill, disabled, bereaved or in the middle of having a stroke, anything, and I realise the same thing could happen to me.

It's still good to share frustrations and have a vent on here though about genuine faffing, which most of the venting on this thread is.

lampygirl · 02/11/2014 10:33

I understand some people needing more time in the loo or whatever due to medical conditions etc but driving too slowly is a driving test failure, I also don't understand why people stop at the top of escalators. I once took out a couple who came to an abrupt halt, to check they still had their wallet/passport/phone that they had at the bottom again at the top, because I was following them up at Geneva station with a suitcase and a 2m long ski bag and literally had nowhere else for it to go. Take 2 steps left or right if you can't work out where you need to go or need to check for the 5th time you are still wearing clothes.

If I could introduce one rule it would be compulsory to reverse park. It's much easier to reverse into an empty, unobstructed space which you can see in your mirrors than it is to try and reverse out into a stream of traffic and so the overall hold up of the queue is less. Though this is probably not down to faffing as such but it is inefficient.

LilMissSunshine9 · 02/11/2014 10:50

It is classed as careless driving at 20mph on a 60mph road so sorry but anyone doing something like that is wrong and can cause accidents. Imagine if your road had a long sweeping corner and a car doing the correct speed comes round the corner to suddenly find a car doing 20mph and having to brake hard to avoid going into the back of it. That is why it is dangerous.

People think that driving slowly is more safer but sometimes its not the speed that kills but the fact people don't leave the correct braking distance for the speed they are travelling at. Just have to be on the motorway to see how many accidents are waiting to happen a lot of drivers are far to close to other cars at 70mph.

Bookaholic · 02/11/2014 10:50

I've not read the full thread because it was making me too annoyed, but MiL once told me that I 'drive like a man', as in, I get in the car, start it and drive off while it takes her 5 minutes to sort out her bag, make sure the mirrors are right, check the seat belt ... goodness only knows what else, I'm not sure I could think of enough things to fill up the time.

She no longer drives (thankfully) but once on a straight, clear, 60mph limit road with her driving I pointed out that it wasn't a 30 limit as she was pootling along at that speed. I genuinely thought she'd missed the limit signs. Nope, she cheerfully told me 'oh I know, I'm always leading a parade!'

Love her to bits but I'm so glad that drive was a one off. She'd be one of those people spending 20 minutes at the petrol station while you wonder what the hell she's finding to do! Damnit!!

KatieKatie1980 · 02/11/2014 11:05

In the toilets..maybe checking MN on their phone? :p .. No, seriously though, I always think I've picked the quickest queue in a supermarket (when I'm in a rush) to find that the person in front of me has a missing barcode/wrong item/forgot to get their vouchers out/wants a chat about their life story.

stupidlybroody · 02/11/2014 11:16

To everyone who is annoyed by people taking ages in the loos - how are you so quick?!

I honestly go as fast as I can, but I know I'm so slow.

For instance, I go to the gym with my friend and we will normally both use the loo before our workout. If we go into cubicles next to each other at the same time, I can hear her weeing before I've even sat down. She's out, washed and dried her hands before I've even finished.

Even at work I've noticed I'm slow. I hear people come in when I'm already in the cubicle and they're out before me.

What am I doing wrong? How do you all wee so fast??

To make myself seem less annoying, I do always have my bus fare etc ready and I never hold up a queue in a shop Smile

NuggetofPurestGreen · 02/11/2014 11:21

Well broody I enter the cubicle, lock door, undo trousers, pull down while sitting (yes sitting not hovering!) and go. Get loo paper ready while peeing, wipe and pull up knickers/trousers and go out the door

What are you doing that your friend is on the loo before you've undone your undergarments???

Celticlass2 · 02/11/2014 11:30

I have come to the conclusion that I am partly responsible for the faffiness of my friend.
I think I'm almost enabling her. Next time we are texting about where to meet for coffee, I am going to tell her
to decide a time and Place. How do others cope with friends who can't seem to make simple decisions?

LilMissSunshine9 · 02/11/2014 11:41

Celtic I had friends like that - they are no longer my friends. I get sick of always deciding where to go only for them to say no its not classy enough or too far or not in the mood for it and when you ask where they want to go they don't know. Probably doesn't help much but all you can do is just tell them.

stupidlybroody · 02/11/2014 11:42

I don't know! I think I'm still pulling everything down. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong and I need to be doing that at the same time as sitting?

NuggetofPurestGreen · 02/11/2014 11:48

Well you don't have to! Don't know how it takes people so long to pull things down though.

ArgyMargy · 02/11/2014 12:11

Yesterday I was buying a newspaper (Saturday morning - everyone goes to the same shop to buy papers & lottery tickets) and the woman in front of me decided to have a post-purchase chat with the cashier about god knows what. For at least two minutes. Then turned round and said "oh, i had no idea anyone was waiting". There were about 10 people queueing by then. I gritted my teeth, bit my tongue etc but if looks could kill she would be an ex-faffer. But now that I've calmed down I recognise that she COULD be one of those old ladies living alone who never speaks to anyone apart from shop staff.

Pipbin · 02/11/2014 12:26

Oh dear. I'm a faffer. I'll get me coat.

Have you got it yet or have you stopped to dust?

Moln · 02/11/2014 12:35

Celtic do you take all you clothes off to wee? Smile This could be were you're going wrong

Celticlass2 · 02/11/2014 12:46

Think you've got the wrong poster there moin

Nancy66 · 02/11/2014 12:52

I have no tolerance for faffers. If there's a massive queue for loos and people are taking an age I bang on the door and tell them to hurry up.

I had a go at someone for taking too long at the cashpoint the other day.

I'm going to get punched in the face one of these days.

Celticlass2 · 02/11/2014 12:58

Lilmiss I know what you mean. It's actually really wearing always having to be the one who takes decisions.
I often wonder about people who are unable to make decisions about simple things. How do they ever cope with the big stuff in their lives.

SDTGisASpookyWoooolefGenius · 02/11/2014 13:07

LilMiss - the point I was trying to make with my last post is that, regardless of where the faffing is happening, you might well not be able to tell, just by looking, what is making someone faff. Obviously I didn't make that point very well.

I should say that I do agree to some extent, that faffing can be very annoying - and if you know it is down to someone else's sheer thoughtlessness, then you have every right to be irked with them. I do make sure I am ready at ticket gates, or airport security or whatever - but I am not perfect.

And whilst I agree that drivers should drive at a suitable speed for the road layout, and traffic and weather conditions, I think I remember being told by my driving instructor that you can't use someone else's poor driving as an excuse to drive badly yourself - so the person who overtakes a driver they think is too slow, somewhere where it isn't safe to do so, is responsible for their own poor driving and any accident they cause. Morally, the slow driver would be in the wrong, but legally - I suspect it would be the driver who let the slow driver irritate them to the point of driving recklessly themselves.

And I think that the advice to try to chill out a bit, and take a less stressed attitude to faffers is good. Like it or not, we can't control what other people are doing - we can only control our own reactions to them - and if you let a faffer send your blood pressure rocketing or make you get annoyed, it doesn't affect the faffer at all - the only person to suffer is you - and why would you choose to suffer, when you could choose not to?

There are lots of things in the world that stress me or upset me or annoy me - but I have to take responsibility for how I respond to these things - I can't control the world, but I can control my own reactions. It doesn't make things any less annoying, but it makes my life a bit calmer and nicer.

LilMissSunshine9 · 02/11/2014 13:19

Celtic - they must have an epic faffing meltdown Grin

Once at uni I went out with my flatmate and her group of friends which I knew quite well. After a movie we congregated to one side to decide what to do next. Flatmate and I were hungry so said we are off to get food, the rest of group started a lengthy 30 min discussion on what to do including lots of phone checking, facebooking and plenty of I don't know, I don't mind etc. thrown in. Another 20 mins later (I kid you not) the discussion is still going on, so my flatmate and I just walked off and left them there and went to get food. Later on we found out they were there for still another 30mins.

CalamitouslyWrong · 02/11/2014 15:27

The little elderly ladies pooling along at 20mph and too scared to pull out of a junction shouldn't really be on the road. They're not safe to be driving, and so shouldn't be. It's not about taking a zen approach to it all; they just shouldn't be there if they can't drive in an acceptable manner. (The fuckers who tailgate you on the motorway or overtake recklessly so they can drive at 80 down a windy country road also shouldn't be on the road, btw).

I really don't think its acceptable to bang on toilets because you think someone may be faffing in there. That's worse than the faffing.

I was once queuing with DS2 who was desperate for the loo. It was busy, and people were taking forever in the toilets. Odds are that the majority of them are just faffers, but you can't actually tell which ones. That said, if the faffers would be a bit more socially responsible and not waste 5 minutes arsing around unnecessarily in a toilet cubicle, people might have more tolerance for the people who genuinely need to take longer in there.

tiggytape · 02/11/2014 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisASpookyWoooolefGenius · 02/11/2014 20:25

Yes - that is a very reasonable point, tiggytape - and one I should have considered. Blush

tiggytape · 02/11/2014 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gennz · 03/11/2014 07:30

I have low tolerance for faffers because I come from a family of chaotic, habitually late faff-tastic faffers. It drives me insane.

I am 8.5 months pregnant and today had to wait at a cafe counter behind two women who could have given my mum a run for the faffing gold medal. They were deciding on what to eat and exclaimed over every option available in the counter (about 20 options). And asked the waitress questions about what was in each thing. Then they argued about who should pay. Then the one who got to pay faffed about with her wallet. They were not bereaved o depressed ir havng panic attacks. They were simply faff-tastic f#ckwits.

I get one coffee a day and they were getting between me and it. Even if I wasn't pregnant and ragey I would have wanted to hit them.

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