To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

Ok great news you can get back to your home and have your space.

Big hug!!!

I hope you sleep ok xx

I really hope your last message doesn't mean he's been reading your thread.

You're an inspiration to many a mumsnetter NCA.

Your 'D'h is an absolute idiot.

Oh I want to give this man a punch in the face. I hope he has gone NCA. For some reason he is acting as if you are just having moment and will come round in a day or so.

Arsebiscuits to that. He needs to shape up and ship out for a couple of days"

I changed the locks - he said something a bit threatening so I sent my solicitor an email saying how terrified I was of him with him having access to the house etc - went on about my space and safety. When he brought it up in court, judge (in England) said I did not have to give him the new keys. So it can be done. Keep going NCA- you are doing so well x

He's gone. I'm in and reunited with my laptop.

I've missed my laptop.

My energy is dropping rapidly. My sore throat and cold had gone, but are now back with added sore ear. I guess I get it all at once now, but I must thank my adrenaline. I can't go to bed as the DDs slept on the way home and are wide awake.

You poor thing, but I'm almost convinced that a few choice words from you and a cold would think better of taking up residence chez NCA! I hope you manage to get some rest this weekend and don't succumb to the lurgy...

Another one here who's been reading and being awestruck by you! Good that you understand the post-adrenaline crash. I'm sorry you're going through it.

CallMe's recent post was a good one. Please be very careful of your health just now: recover quickly.

Hope you manage to get some rest.

Talk to him. NOW. before it's too late. About the msges and about why you don't feel like sex. He does. then figure out what to do about it. NOW. And this is no time to be lofty and calm....and scare her off so that he knows you know... all at once.

I don't think that's the best advice NestOfSparrows, at all. OP has been doing wonderfully just as she is and by her own terms, not his.

Tsk. I'm not even going to say it.

OP - in the parlance of Oprah - YOUGOGIRRRL! X

I don't think nest is quite up to date vintage

Haha, I hope you're right curly :p

Before it's too late?

Why would it be too late? OP is well rid if that is what she decides on. The only person anything is 'too late' for is her husband. But then he should have thought of that before he decided to play around on dating sites.

Yeah, thread moved on...

This has been the least AIBU I have ever seen. Apparently I have been mostly reasonable.

I probably need to go start a thread in relationships about marriages imploding and what to do next to protect myself. I can probably figure a lot of it out but a little help never hurts. So I'll put it to the vote... NCA stays or back to the 'real' me. My RL MN friends know my NC/circumstances now.

I'm elfycat

Start one and see.

You'll probably get a slightly different perspective in 'relationships' and lots of practical help too.

But link this one in to save you having to explain it all!!

at nest!! Keep up!

We all love you, Elfy, whatever your nickname.

How are the DDs, NCA? X

Choose the name you're most comfortable with - on one hand you might want to go back to your normal name to have some, well, normality. Or you might want to draw a line with your new name.

Completely agree with posting in relationships (but yes, a link would be good!) - there is so much help, advice and support available there. Actually, if it wasn't for the relationship board I probably wouldn't have got my sister back after she was going through a shitty relationship. I owe the relationship posters a lot.

If you prefer you could post in the place that should not be mentioned if you want to be completely anonymous x

oops, came in at the end...ignore me. Hang on, thats what always happens... sigh... good luck OP!

You don't need a word of advice because you're doing it all so well, but just another message of support. Hope your DC aren't too bewildered by the whole situation, but of course it's not your fault if they are. They could have been at home all day today if he wasn't such a twat.

Well done for staying so clam OP. In glad he's left. Do you know where he's gone to? Is there any chance he's planning on coming back in the middle of the night?

glad you've got your laptop back and I hope the drop in thing goes well tomorrow x

DDs are similar to their usual state. We've done what we had planned and they are getting sleepovers. DD1 loves sleepovers and was a bit sulky about not staying out tonight.

She's next to me painting her nails sparkly before bed.

They are used to their DF popping in and out and being gone for weeks. If I want I can keep them unawares for a good while yet. Just plod on with our plans and routines. It's probably one of the reasons I'm so calm. I have a routine, I have things to do. I don't have to wonder what to do next so I'm not lost.

He can't come back in the night as I'll leave keys in the locks on the inside. I won't need to worry about him being inside the house if I go out as one of the keys is currently unique and with no spares. I'll take that one (but make a copy to give a friend in case I lock myself out. I've been a bit forgetful the last 2 days. Left my handbag in a changing room earlier).

nest we've all done the react to the OP and then read the thread thing