To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

*does. I've got to get the laptop wifi working.

I'm afraid that, legally, you can't change the locks

Please investigatge this, I'm pretty sure that if the Police remove a man from the family home, or there's any hint of DV, you can change the locks

NCA if your pavlovian response is tears, then so be it. A good cry can be very therapeutic.

He clearly still thinks he holds all the cards. He'll go if, and only if, you meet his other demands... no. Just no. Whatever he says, he is not sorry and he is not giving you any respect at all.

I think you're right blank - sorry, I meant that NCA can't just change the locks whilst he's away if there is no intervention from the police etc

Sorry Gruntfuttock as I said I couldn't help it. I haven't replied to any others. Like the 'I've started to pack one' that I guess I'm supposed to suddenly say 'noooo babes. I luffs you. Don't'cha leave meeeee!'

It just occurred to me after .... Errr whoever put about him being titivated by his fantasy over these days that he'd have been pawing at me after a shag. Ewwwww . I need another shower.

*BeGhoul!

The keys are no problem but I won't say why.

Phew!

Aw, but you do need to relax and cry a bit, probably so then you can keep the rage for him.

I am very cross with him for not giving you no contact.

ooh, that post was in relation to the fish and chips and tea Pavlovian response...missed the subsequent responses.

To be clear about the locks thing, if two people are joint owners of a property one of them 'can' change the locks but equally there is then nothing to stop the other person getting another locksmith to come and change them again. You don't want to be locked out of the home your kids need so its not worth the hassle that this could cause!

I was only legally allowed to change the locks with agreement from my ex's solicitor etc after i had already had to report him to the police for breaking in (7a.m and an inside latch was across the door which made him cross) and he had repeatedly been in the house secretly and against my wishes every time I was out on a weekend. It was a relief when i could finally lock him out but it was better knowing that the police and solicitors had actually told me to do it.

ohfour Sorry, wet keyboard so typing random stuff and editing it out takes forever.

Believe CAB have advice on locks, rights etc.

He's sent a message to say he's gone. I will take someone with me when I go.

Thank fuck for that!

Do you think he means it? Any indication of where he's gone? Not that it is of any consequence, it would just be reassuring to know that he isn't just waiting round the corner.

Blank

Hope he means it this time. Good luck.

Thank goodness, look after yourself op

Good . Slimey bugger. Well done nca, youre doing awesome xxxxxx

Good luck OP. What a time of it you've had these last couple of days. Better times are coming for you soon

Keeping everything crossed for you OP that hes actually listened

OP do you think he's following your posts on here?

I missed what happened in 2005 - did he cheat back then?

Defo take someone and have them enter the house first. Not because of 'danger' just on the off chance he's sitting there in the dark with a dozen roses (still creepy, though).

Re your Pavlovian response; Oh yeah, coke and sympathy exists. Or rather, coke and RUM and sympathy . Hot sugary milky tea for when you're ill or need a heart to heart 'sorry for myself' chat with your BFF. Rum and coke (squeeze of lime) for when you want to verbally rip your 'd'H to shreds, then cry!

Thank goodness! Good luck

Evabeaver- possibly

Oi Prat Face. Print this out in case later on your solicitor can get you off £3.50 of legal fees because I said something a hint iffy.

This is a similar path to one I walked some time ago. Please know I am thinking of you, and beg you not to allow the emotional abuse you have been subject to in the past soften your resolve to do what is best for your girls and yourself now.

I have been watching this thread quietly since it started, and like my situation, all the communication from him seems to be "I am sad, I don't know what to do, I am heartbroken..."

Honestly... Who the flying fuck cares how he feels? He surely didn't give a damn how his dalliance would affect you and your girls... Think of it this way, if you hadn't unintentionally intercepted the conversation, he would have been wetting his wick with some stranger in less than 48 hours, and would have been so proud of himself for getting away with it.

He is acting like a naughty toddler who got caught with his hand caught in the sweet tin, but still denies he did anything wrong, and is only apologising to try and get off the naughty step.

Let him stew. Take care of yourself.

I've been reading quietly for a while. You're such an inspirational woman! Just checking in to see if you're okay and that he did in fact leave the house?