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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

876 replies

NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 16:37

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

OP posts:
HerVagesty · 31/10/2014 12:16

Good going OP. You are in complete control of this situation and you are handling it amazingly.

Stick to your guns. Hopefully he will listen and start showing you some of the respect you very well deserve. Thanks

HerVagesty · 31/10/2014 12:16

Good going OP. You are in complete control of this situation and you are handling it amazingly.

Stick to your guns. Hopefully he will listen and start showing you some of the respect you very well deserve. Thanks

WienerDiva · 31/10/2014 12:26

Fucking hell OP.

I doth my cap to you. Blunt clear instructions are the way forward, well done.

You don't need it but I thought if offer my nod of pissed of woman comradery (don't know how to spell that, not sure if it's right).

Anyway, I salute you.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 31/10/2014 12:43

MrsKoala maybe you should set his hair on fire instead. Smile

I do know what you mean though.

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 31/10/2014 12:47

I've called in friend 3. She's going to enable my plans for tomorrow and have the DDs over for a sleepover to give me space. I knew she'd bring the cavalry and save my bacon. I've 'used' my friends well. One for numb, one for acceptance and one for anger. She just got the sweary rant you've all be waiting for.

Nothing from DH. Sigh of relief. I'm just popping into a supermarket for clean underwear etc. he may vacate the house but we would use duplicates.

OP posts:
ChocolateTeacup · 31/10/2014 12:56

Wow you are amazing, hope you have plenty of rl support going on, if he wont give you space call his mother

Vintagecrap · 31/10/2014 13:21

Nca. How are you feeling now?

I'm glad you cam still do your thing tomorrow and that someone is having you dc s for you. At the start of the thread you said you needed him to hang about as you had stuff planned. But you don't :) you sound like you have great friends and they are worth more than, well. What you have with him currently.

I'm pleased you told his sister too. Hearing it from an outside party might shock him in to action. Or not. But then you can't have done anymore and you have your answer.

Itsfab · 31/10/2014 13:43

Still thinking of you NCA and hope you are able to have peace to think with your friend having the children. Get yourself dinner and chocolate while buying pants.

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 31/10/2014 14:11

I bought pants with cats on them. Dd1 again surprised me with her fantastic sense of taste - finding a really nice top on the sales rail of Tesco to buy with the leggings I found.

No one will be my friend if I wear this outfit another day.

So we have toothpaste, underwear, change of clothes. Too many sweets... But we have the toothbrushes

I just had a long I'm so sorry text. Apparently all he can do is cry. No appetite etc. I couldn't resist it. I replied that was how I felt in 2005 and as I recall you would go out, ignore me or step over my sobbing form. You get over it.

OP posts:
hesterton · 31/10/2014 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeGhoul · 31/10/2014 14:52

I do wish he would be a little less inconsiderate and self obsessed, and a little more aware of the feelings and lives of the rest of his family and fuck off out of the house for a few days and sniffle elsewhere.

If you hadn't let him know you had seen his emails planning to shag another woman, he'd today still be sloping around tittivating himself with thoughts of up coming secret morning sex with a stranger FFS!!

cheerupandhaveaglassofwine · 31/10/2014 15:00

Hope you didn't forget the wine to go with the change of clothes

You sound like you are handling things well and have good support around you

TeaForTara · 31/10/2014 15:02

And he's still all about him. Selfish bastard!

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 31/10/2014 15:05

I'm getting 'I'm worried you're so calm because you've decided there's no coming back'

And

'I can take the DDs for you tomorrow. If you say yes I'll go'

He does not have any cards left does he? I think it's dawning.

OP posts:
Theorientcalf · 31/10/2014 15:05

It's still all about him isn't it?

You are marvellous OP.

Theorientcalf · 31/10/2014 15:06

X post.

LIZS · 31/10/2014 15:08

Can't believe he's trying to blackmail you with his "offer" of childcare. No really missing the girls , or you Hmm Though he was looking after them tomorrow anyway ?

BlueKarou · 31/10/2014 15:11

It's not looking good that he's not left the house yet. You've made one clear and simple request and he has not complied.

Would you be able to change the locks once he's gone to his course after the weekend? Sounds like it might be the only way to guarantee you get to keep your space once you're back home.

Stubborncow · 31/10/2014 15:12

And he's not giving you your space. GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Hope your cat pants are wonderfully comfortable!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 31/10/2014 15:15

My god, this is his version of 36 hours of no contact?

I take it he always just ignores your wishes.

Itsfab · 31/10/2014 15:16

Offering to look after his children = reminding you you need him.

EXCEPT YOU DON'T!!!!!!

Ohfourfoxache · 31/10/2014 15:17

Oh ffs - trying to bargain by offering to take dd's? And your response will determine whether he goes or not?

Head=> desk. Repeatedly.

He just isn't bloody listening. Still.

Ohfourfoxache · 31/10/2014 15:21

I'm afraid that, legally, you can't change the locks. Which is unfortunate as it would be a perfect solution.

Could someone stay with you at home (when he finally vacates?) Just enough for him to be put off and made to feel awkward?

Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 31/10/2014 15:24

It turns out I have a Pavlovian response to drinking a cup of tea. I'm probably self trained from my nursing days when any bad news was followed by the offer if tea. Tea and sympathy. Give the person a cup of warm liquid, a little sympathy/ empathy and a space to relax and cry.

So I'm sitting in an eatery with my above average fish & chips and a cup of tea. Should have had the diet cola. No one dies cola and sympathy.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 31/10/2014 15:25

I'm surprised you replied to his text tbh. I thought you had insisted on nc for 36 hours.