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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

876 replies

NameChangeAnon · 29/10/2014 16:37

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangeAnon · 30/10/2014 20:16

My friend's son just cycled past the house. He's still there.

OP posts:
TeaForTara · 30/10/2014 20:18

Those texts are unbelievable.

DH: Me, me, me, me
OP: Grow up!
DH: But me, me, me, me
OP: What about me?
DH: Me, me, me, me!!!!!!

No contrition, no repentance, no consideration, no respect.

If he had any wish to make things right, he wouldn’t be behaving like this. He’s not giving you any space to make your own decision; he is making the decision for you.

quietbatperson · 30/10/2014 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 30/10/2014 20:19

I have to say, this does sound a little like a return to his emotionally bullying ways - he wants this whole thing played out on his terms, so instead of respecting your wishes and doing whatever he can to ingratiate himself to you, he's carrying on as if nothing has happened. Are you ok?

quietbatperson · 30/10/2014 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pilgit · 30/10/2014 20:22

If he's still there its time to start calling people. He is trying to bully you and controlling the situation. You have been very clear about what you want. He won't give it to you.

YouTheCat · 30/10/2014 20:24

If he felt even remotely remorseful, he'd have respected your wishes and moved out.

He's not even considering your kids in this. It is all about him and what he wants.

ocelot41 · 30/10/2014 20:30

NCA, do you want to talk about what happened in 2005 and what this emotional bullying you mentioned consisted of? Any connections between then and now?

Waltermittythesequel · 30/10/2014 20:39

You would be fucking mad to leave him in that house!

WeirdCatLady · 30/10/2014 20:46

Grrrrr my pointy nails are at your disposal Halloween Angry

Dunwhingin · 30/10/2014 20:50

Just to clarify originally OH's notDH was emotionally bullied by his first wife
He does, however, have emotional control in their relationship now, it is always about him (sorry NameChangeAnon but it is) and his ghastly family before his own children and his wife.
NCH is the strongest person I know and also one of the most intelligent, she knows that the distance tonight is the right thing

RandomMess · 30/10/2014 20:53

Blimey I think he's shitting himself because he knows you mean it!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/10/2014 20:56

Sorry, my misunderstanding about the history.
However, he is being manipulative here.

stayanotherday · 30/10/2014 20:57

Hope you're okay op, yes tell people and let him explain.

Monathevampire1 · 30/10/2014 20:58

OP stay strong x

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 30/10/2014 21:03

Yes, sending you hugs x

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 30/10/2014 21:25

Jesus Op, you are one tough bunny. If this ever happens to me I hope I have my shit together as well as you.

Hope you're ok.

MillionToOneChances · 30/10/2014 21:32

Oh how bloody annoying. Selfish bastard showing his utter disrespect for you and your needs. Again.

magoria · 30/10/2014 21:32

He doesn't seem to care or respect how you are feeling very much does he.

It seems to be all about him, him, and his course on Monday (I wonder if that STILL includes the illicit shag he was planning)!

Fillybuster · 30/10/2014 21:33

NCA, I've been lurking all day. Just coming out to check you're ok and send you Wine Brew Cake Flowers

wantstolickwilliamgraham · 30/10/2014 21:39

Wow he is not taking this seriously is he? His texts are all 'woe is me, I'm so silly, I miss you', he's disrespecting you by ignoring the boundaries you set. I would bet he will want you back OP, I also bet he isn't taking this seriously and will do it again if so.

Definitely tell people, it's no reflection on you- just him.

I'm so sorry OP.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 30/10/2014 21:47

Dunwhingin, are you a RL friend? Are you the one NCA is with? If so, can you go/send anyone round to beat the crap out of Manchild?

blanklook · 30/10/2014 21:48

He's not listening, you told him this morning you are separated and asked him to give you some space.

He's in your house and has bombarded you with texts.

Stay strong NCA, sparkly nails here in support Flowers

mineofuselessinformation · 30/10/2014 21:50

Go home. (It is YOUR home.)
Tell him to get out.
He owes you that much.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/10/2014 21:57

It's possible that he thinks if he sits tight you'll get over it.

Like a good little girl.

If he leaves it all becomes real & people will know he's a twunt.