To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

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Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

Woe* don't autocorrect me bastard phone. I'll chuck you in the pool! (2nd swim lesson of the day - don't ask)

Gruntfuttock no it's not much of a punishment but that's not really what my post was about.

The OP can't legally throw him out of the house

She wants space, he's too selfish to give it to her so her only option really is to take the kids and grab the space she needs.

Could you threaten him with telling your pils / people that he generally would not want to know unless he leaves?

fgs , talk about self pitying and victim blaming . How would he have coped on his course having just been unfaithful ? No sense of guilt or confusion there . Look after yourself and your dc NCA. He can sort himself out.

He'll be reading this if he has half a wit. Which he does .

been lurking - think you are awesome NCA.

Gee, its all about HIM isn't it? He's really not listening to you. HE'S confused, HE needs, HIS course etc.

Like I tell my 3yo - listening is Hearing PLUS Understanding!

Excellent idea. Tell your in-laws.

Shame that his half a wit is rather dim.....

Mine wouldn't leave either. So I waited for him to go out sent him to the shop chucked some clothes in a bag, put it in the garage, locked the doors and sent him a text.

Although I forgot to lock the back door and he waltzed straight in so I yelled like a mad women and he finally realised I was serious.

It made me feel a lot better not having him around, made me realise I didn't need him and eventually took him back on my terms and in my own time.

Oh if I end up in a hotel room with just my phone for adult I will be calling a few people. He doesn't get it. I told him this morning we are separated. I might have to change my FB setting and see if his sister or brother (or brother-in-law's brother) notices. Actually the BIL's DB is the one who would and he often comments on my status.

Just kidding. No PA FB comments I promise. It's just such a nice idea.

Adult company * phone for adult company. On phone for a bit.

How are the children coping, OP? They know something's wrong.

Get your nice friend for backup and go and shriek at him until he leaves? Leaving the kids with someone first. Poor you, OP.

What about your parents/family? Anyone nearby who could come round and help?

Fucking hell. He's bored???

He has zero respect for you and clearly doesn't give a shiny shit about the fact that he's been arranging to fuck another woman.

I would kill him and make it look like an accident!

Nice friend is a bit of a drive away. I do have other nice local friends though. One has a poorly child, the other's DH was in the army with DH and they work for the same company now... Not too complicated but a bit. DDs haven't reacted yet. Today was as planned so nothing untoward at this point.

If you have to buy overnight stuff, dont forget a phone charger as well as it sounds like you may have quite a few phone calls etc to make.

Was that one about him being bored real? That gains a WTAF from me!

NCA - you are doing great.

I would not be keen to leave. He needs to go.
Im worried because of the previous history of bullying. That is his tactic and he needs a tactic now so I would expect him to become unpleasant.
I would worry about my safety and my kids' safety and have him out if the house on those grounds if need be.

NCA I'd go for a night in a hotel anyway! DC will think that it's exciting and he will get to sweat a bit.

Also keep a record of any money you spend to facilitate distance from him - clear, accurate records are needed now.

guitarosauras why do you think that will make him "sweat a bit"?

By him not leaving he thinks everything will be ok, NCA won't get her space to think. By NCA going to a hotel she will be getting that space plus he won't have the satisfaction of it all being on his terms ie, him staying put.

I'm happy to be told that I'm talking bollocks though.

I would be very reluctant to leave yourself, no telling what he might get up to if he's left in the house, sounds extreme but what if he changed the locks (it happened to a friend and she was left on the doorstep with a year old baby and the police didn't want to know! )

Why don't you tell him that unless he respects your boundaries and respects your wishes you will have no alternative but to tell all and sundry in RL. Might shock him into leaving.

NCA you are a tops bird and I wish I had an ounce of your class. I do have to agree with Vintage though (although you do seem to be looking more at how you feel about things now, which is good imho). It might be a nice treat for you and the girls to stay in a hotel for the night?

but the nice friend will get in the car now and come and plant the cheating fuckwit! Nice friends do that!