To do something a bit evil to my stupid stupid DH...

[NameChangeAnon]

Having just found flirting emails with a woman in which morning sex etc is discussed. He's doing it from his phone NOW. The laptop I'm using was going to be his but is now mine. It has his outlook loaded though and the messages pop up in a corner.

So this popped up a minute ago:

From DH

Fun sounds good......
Looking forward to giving you a hug...
And you kissing me back.....

The conversation previously started with a selfy of a woman wearing a quite nice going out dress and talk of the time in the morning the message was sent.

DH replied

You will have to think of some methods of waking me up early too then ....;) x

The woman replied

Oh I have my ways ?? don't you just love morning sex !! Xx

DH replied

You will just have to remind me.....
I can't remember the last time I had morning sex:(

The woman replied

This could possibly turn out to be a lot of fun xx

before DH sent the message that popped up

I don't think he's cheated on me. I think he's a prat. I'm sitting here eating a biscuit that DD2 (4) brought for me and drinking tea planning my next move.

Obviously I'm going to shout at him AT LENGTH at some point.

So do I do any of the following - I am a bitchy cow brazen enough to do this.

a) reply to the message chain with. Errr. Hi I'm NCA and my DH is a prat who forgets I have his laptop with his email loaded.

b) Send a friend request to her on FB. After all we have the same taste in men and friendships are based on less.

c) Reply to the text he's just sent me thanking him for taking time out of his day to converse with me rather than just

d) anything else you can recommend bearing in mind all I can find is this convo.

BTW I know that our current lack of intimacy is an issue with him. I am not all that interested in having sex and this has been the case for a few years. We have young DDS and no time to ourselves plus he works away on a regular basis (really works away rather than anything else. He would be able to sneak the odd night away if he wanted but I have his rota and his departure and arrivals home are in keeping with his hours).

So WIBU to reply to them both?

I'm doing the 'awake in the middle of the night' thing. DD1 has done her usual crawl in with me thing. She's a little hyper vigilant (left over from hearing issues) so I'll have to be a bit watchful of her, and maintain routines.

I did get a bit damp eyed a few mins ago. So I played a FB game. At least the little guys on the game do as they are supposed to and you can trust them. I'll be needing you to stay faithful to me Throne Rush people.

My overall feelings are that he needs to save this marriage and not me. I also need him to hang out the next few weeks as I have several plans that require him to watch the kids and why should I cancel any of them? He also needs to finish some work to the house so the work can be signed off by building control. We have a spare room he can move into for the next week or so. I can then work out if I want to play happy families over Xmas, when he's next due home from work.

I'm up early heading out to my shift soon. You are awesome. Keep strong.

at throne rush!!

You are brilliant OP

He's a fool. Keep strong and take your time to make a decision.

Doesn't matter what happens between you, those are his children and he can jolly well look after them if you have plans.

:ong time lurker here - unlurking to say you are fab. I turned into a screaming banshee. Propper spit gobbing, red faced, incoherant rant fest.... as well the neighbours are deaf.

I admire you for keeping your options open. Sometimes LTB is not the right thing to do for you. I found that the people who knew were really judgemental of me for staying with him, including his family and the OW's husband - go figure!?! So watch out for the snide comments from people who feel that they would have "more self respect". Fortunately only his family and the OW's family knew at first, and it is now old news now so I haven't had to put up with ongoing shite from my family and friends. MN at the time was a lifeline for talking things through (thanks peeps) and meant I didn't have to bare all to the village gossips.

It is 6 years on - and it is a blip. Trust was hard at first, but now oddly it is stronger. I wish you all the strength with whatever you want to do.

How did I do the smiley face at the beginning of my post? That wasn't what I expected.....

I must have had one spare so you can keep for use when you need an extra one - I found I needed quite a few when standing at the school gate, popping out for milk.

I don't really have anything of any substance to say to you but I just wanted to let you know that I think you are incredibly brave and calm about this whole situation.

I really hope that it works out for the best for you (however that may be).

Your dh is a dick op and certainly doesn't deserve you hope you manage to settle a bit last night x

It's all a tad annoying. I need to be booking tickets for things and now don't know if I need 3 or 4 tickets.

I'll tell only the people in RL who I know will respect my choice and let things drop if I need them to. Luckily I have 3 good friends who have all lived real lives with the gritty bits too. They will be good listeners, good friends and would them let it all drop if I carry on married to Mr Pratface-lying-Toad. Properly let it go. We know where the skeletons are hiding for each other.

I'm actually amazed that we get to a LTB 308 posts in, and even then it's that I don't have to. I know people have written that they would themselves, but I keep forgetting this is in AIBU. I should ask for it to be moved to Relationships as that's what it has been.

Mind you I might become U later when I talk to him.

You have all the cards and you are taking the time to think things through , rather than just react. That's why we think your awesome.

Delurking to add my support to you, op - you can take your time and see how everything pans out. No rush to make any decisions.

Yes, what good does it do to tell you what we would do, we are not you.

Have you got sparky nails?

Have a

You know. He's going to call me 'silly' today. It won't be to call me stupid, but he'll say 'Oh don't be silly' when I say how he's made me feel. Not to dismiss my feelings but, because he didn't mean to make me feel that way and I'm silly for thinking he might have done it on purpose.

I might make a bingo card up.

But I can feel the anger brewing. It's under my stomach at the moment but there's a little pool of heat settling in (either that or it's the pear I've just eaten).

Omg. You seem a lot calmer than I would be in your shoes.

Impressed

Hope you're ok x

Is he usually a patronising idiot?

I hope it's not the pear.

Ha! I am not saying make the decision I made. I wouldn't dare to tell someone how to make life decisions - mine is a car crash of bad ones that seem to have worked out. I dare not look back to decide if they are good ones. . I am Dory in real life.

Delurking.

Don't you dare let him call you 'silly' OP. You're entitled to all of your feelings, which he caused. Don't let him minimise what he's done.

My fingernails look like Frozen has thrown up on them...

Maybelline, Street Artist, White Splatter.

There's white bits, purple glitter and blue bigger glitter suspended in clear varnish. Very sparkly.

Wow, OP. Your fortitude is amazing. Just remember that if you hadn't seen those exchanges you would have all been happily waving him off to his rendezvous with OW this weekend. He was not going to pull back from this himself.

No saffronwblue we covered that point last night when he declared it was all just a bit of a fantasy. I quoted his arrangements, the bit about of course he hadn't changed his mind about meeting her, and asked what conversation we'd have been having AFTER the weekend if I hadn't said anything now.

He looked a bit shocked at how I pulled him up on it. FFS we've been married 10 years. He knows I'm as sharp as a laser. It's all so disappointing. Even that he's minimalising it. He knows I MN. He knows what you lot are like (ie lovely, supportive and maybe just a little scary at times). He knows I was MNetting about it all. FFS how dumb is he?

Glad to hear you have good RL friends namechangeanon , i think when the dust has all settled you will need them regardless of what happens in your marriage .

Silly?! How disrespectful about your feelings but given how disrespectful he has been about your marriage it is not a surprise but it also is that he could be so cold.

Is the shock that you found out and pulling him up on it or the shock that you are pulling him up on it full stop as he is an entitled fucker?

I have to sit in the garage for 2 hours now so I send you peace for the day and more sparkly nail polish.

And .

NCA All my best wishes to you x