To think men don't have a right to be at the birth of their children?

[Stripylikeatiger]

I'm due to have a baby any day now last week and ds's godfather, the person due to look after him is going away for a couple of days Ds has a close relationship with his god father and we have prepared him for being looked after by him by having him put him to bed, learn about ds's routine and so on.

I'm quite worried about leaving ds as he co-sleeps and we have never left him over night before.

Dp has said that his parents should look after ds if I go into labour on the days where ds's god father is away. Ds doesn't know pil, they live quite a long way away and when they come to visit they spend about an hour with ds, they have no idea about his routines. Pil booked to come and visit (not staying with us) to see the new baby but of course there is no baby yet, so they are able to look after ds. Instead of spending time with him the usual visiting friends and having hair appointments take precedent (which is of course up to them!)

I feel so stressed about the thought of leaving ds with people who are strangers to him, I don't think I could relax in labour knowing my child was possibly distressed or confused. I really don't want ds to associate the baby coming with him being left with random people.

I have said to dp that if I go into labour on one of the days ds's godfather is away I'd prefer dp to stay at home with ds and actually that would be the most supportive thing he could do as it would allow me to focus on giving birth.

Dp is furious and says he has a right to be there at the birth of his child, I tried to point out to him that birth isn't a spectator sport and he should think about supporting me rather than thinking about his rights.

Does a father have the right to be at the birth of his child? I'm tempted to just call a taxi when I go into labour and go in by myself.

I have been thinking about this thread in the past day or so, since I first commented - and it has clearly moved on a lot.

I know that, for dh, it was an amazing, moving, life-changing experience to be there when our dses were born - one he would have hated to miss, for whatever reason - and for that reason, I can understand why many other men want to share in that experience, and why they would be very sad indeed - even devastated, if they couldn't be there, for whatever reason.

But I would hope that, in a loving relationship, a woman's partner would understand if his or her wife or partner felt she would be more comfortable labouring and delivering without him or her there. And it is also important to remember, that, whilst it is an amazing thing, being at the birth of your child is a tiny, tiny fraction of all the things a woman's partner can do, to be a wonderful parent to that child, and a tiny, tiny fraction of all the amazing experiences he or she can have with the child as they grow up.

Given that we know that stress, tension, anxiety etc can have negative effects on labour, what is important is that the labouring woman is in the best head-space possible when she is in labour. If that means having her partner with her, or her mum, or whoever she wants, that should be done, if at all possible (I am sure that, if a woman's partners employer was refusing to give them leave to go to be with their partner who was in labour, we would be every bit as cross as people have been on here, and rightfully so).

But if the woman feels that having a particular individual with her whilst she is in labour is not what she wants, then surely it is obvious that if that person were to force their way into the delivery room (by asserting that they had a 'right' to be there, maybe), it would cause the woman a lot of distress and anxiety, and that would have a negative effect on the progress of her labour - so why would any loving friend/relative/partner want to force themselves in, in that situation?

Exactly, SDTG.