leaving 12year old at home alone while we're at work?

[mofro]

Im FT at work and DH is self employed workung long hours. Eldesh DH is in Y7, settled well at new school. Hes' s dropped to school by us in the morning, and has a bus pass for coming home, has a house key and is at home alone from about 4.30pm until we get home for6.30/7pm.
He knows house rules,;is v sensible and is either doing homework, tv or playstation.- doesnt answer door or phone unless its us.
Have 2 other DC who go to family member after school which i pay for.
Had a lecture from my Dsis about abandoing him, how its wrong, what if house burnt down etc....and its kinds stuck in my head!!

Been a SAHM for years, doing crappy atrempts at self employment so i waa there for kuds and now finally gave a great FT job..but feeling guilty....

Was told by another family member she wdnt pop round this half term as i needed to spend time with my own kids as they never see me :-0

Very happy and confident kuds...but they alao moan a lot to me and obviously others about me and DH working so much, i.e. full time

"A 12 year old is at the stage where they need to begin to learn about independence and how to look after themselves. A couple of hours alone in the house is perfectly acceptable IF that child is not frightened or over sensitive."

It's not just for a couple of hours though it's all day everyday during the holidays. As I said ut, I can only speak from my own experience but I found it lonely when I had to be at home everyday after school for several hours and much preferred going to my friend's house whose mum was a sahm as the atmosphere was 'warmer' and more lively. This despite the fact that I got on brilliantly with my parents and they were very caring and 'there for me' whenever they were not at work. I had after school activities of a couple of days, the rest of the time was spent in front of the tv eating sweets.not grate for my confidence actually.

OP, can't your dc go to a friend's house for a couple of days, of the days and then you reciprocate by having his friends over?

Imo leaving your 12 yr old alone all day is not 'cool' parenting it's just prioritising the needs of the working parents.

I will say this again, do you check his Internet activity? Being home alone with unsupervised access to the internet and social media is not a good idea.

But of course this isnt what you want to read op, so ignore me and stick with everyone telling you its just dandy

EXACTLY.......... oP will only take the ones that agree with her on board, the rest of the people are idiots and stupid.

Nobody has called you stupid comfy, but I do find your language judgemental & antagonistic.

Referring to after school care as your children being 'junked off to someone else' shows how little you are prepared to accept other people's choices or circumstances.

It's not just for a couple of hours though it's all day everyday during the holidays.

Why are people incapable of reading posts? The OP came back to explain that it is not everyday in the holidays, as they split their annual leave/use holiday clubs/family. OK - got that?

It is absolutely fine, indeed utterly normal, for a secondary school aged child to be home for a few hours before their parents come in from work.

Other people may not do this, but this does not make them right and the OP wrong. We all arrange our lifes differently to suit our own situations and that is absolutely fine.

It is my opinion. I will not agree with someone just to make them feel better.

I was called a twat further up.

Comfy, there is a massive difference between making different choices, and belittling the decisions of others.

There are lots of things I don't 'agree with' about parenting. It doesn't give me the right to sneer at other people though.

I am not sneering Op asked the question.....

And my answer/opinion is No it is not ok.

Your 'junking off' comment was not referring to the OP's issue, which everyone has admitted is a judgement call.

You were referring to her two younger children having arranged after school care which is a perfectly normal and legitimate thing to do.

Its probably ok if he is sensible but that might change, we were all left at that age. Fine for me, my brother ran riot and got into a lot of trouble so just keep a close eye

Agreed, but my opinion is you should look after your own children........

Nobody has ever looked after my son through me being at work.......Myself or dh is there ........

The thread is getting a bit repetitive..

I think op is wrong [she will take no notice] others think its ok...

Lets just hope nothing goes wrong.

Howlingowl - it's not all day in the holidays!

*Agreed, but my opinion is you should look after your own children........

Nobody has ever looked after my son through me being at work.......Myself or dh is there*

ha ha ha

quote from devere

*A 2 year old is a CHILD so do you treat your 14 year old CHILD in the same way?

If you do, you have bigger issues than the OP*

Another quote

*based on a few lines on a computer screen?

A psychologist with 50 years training wouldn't think they were qualified to make that assumption yet here you are.....*

Pot kettle black.............ha ha

"But in my opinion you should look after your own children"

And yet you let your son out at night alone, he goes to school for at least six hours a day etc. If you believe parents should never leave their child's side or be blocked after by others then surely you would have home educated? I also don't believe that on thirteen years you have never gone out without him.

the reason this thread is getting repetitive is because this is a subject with no correct answer only opinions. The opinion is going to vary from one extreme to the other based on each individual experience, each child and each parent. Fwiw I have left all of mine all day since aged 11 (secondary school) and felt quite calm doing so. however atm we have three sc staying all over 12 who couldn't be left in the same room for ten minutes unsupervised without beating the shit out of one another, as for leaving them all day ? Yes we really have had to pay for babysitters for the whole week for three 12-15 yr olds So only you can make that decision OP only your dc parents can make that call.

It's not ideal or there would be no worry or debate. The safety worries lessen at this age but the worry of Internet, junk food, loneliness, mischief, vulnerability will be greater.

There WOULD be a child protection issue if he was home unsupervised for long periods and something happened due to lack of supervision and the parents were deemed to have made a poor judgement and inadequate provision for his care.

MN tends to be full of dc doing everything early from travelling long distances alone to cooking three course meals as toddlers and reading in babyhood... .it's the flavour of the site. Nowhere irl do I ever seem to find children so precocious.

"This is a subject with no correct answer, only opinions"

Sassy kills Mumsnet stone dead

strangely I am baking with six teenagers for a halloween party. lol

Agree with sassy... everyone is different and we all have different ideas.

I sometimes wonder why i bother with an opinion as most times ops know what they are going to do anyway.

I think 12 to 16 is a really tricky age - too young to be completely independent but too old for most types of after school and holiday provision. I think lots of working parents have these dilemmas.

According to OP its approx. 6 hours a week during term time - it doesn't seem to bad to me in terms of loneliness. As long as there is someone nearby who can help if needed which OP says there is - it doesn't seem to bad to me. As long as child is well drilled on what do to in an emergency.

Especially with communications as they are e.g. phone/ online to friends etc. My DS spends most of eves when isn't doing homework chatting to friends online or Xbox.

Genuinely, what do most people do?

My DS is 8 and now goes to after school club, which he actually prefers to coming home (we must have a terrible relationship).

However, presumably these don't exist at secondary.

Is that because schools think parents of 12 year olds don't work, or assume that most parents are happy for their children to look after themselves until 6.

newpencilcase - if you look at the secondary school your ds is likely to attend online it will list afterschool / sports / activity clubs

comfy 'Nobody has ever looked after my son through me being at work.......Myself or dh is there ........'

Well aren't you both lucky to have flexible arrangements - not everyone is